(Closed) Frustrated MOH caught in the middle of Mexican wedding cultural struggle

posted 6 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee

Yikes! It sounds like it’s time to have a sit-down with your friend and politely tell her that you cannot run interference between her and her family. It just isn’t fair of her to expect. If you are enjoying planning the wedding than go for it, but I think telling her that she needs to be responsible for the major decisions while you work out the details would help a lot. 

Post # 4
Member
2281 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Why are you doing the work of a wedding planner for free?

Post # 5
Member
778 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@carleezee:  What?!!! This is a lose-lose situation. It is NOT the MOH’s job to plan the wedding. (Why on earth would she ask this of you? Are you a wedding planner?) No matter how hard you try to please everyone, both sides will be mad at you for not giving them what they want. You need to talk to your friend and draw up a list of responsibilities you’re willing to help with or take care of, while leaving the major decisions (guest list, budget, venue, ceremony details) up to her. This is not your problem, and honestly, if you get sucked into this, your friendship will never be the same.

Post # 7
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It is not your job as the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan HER wedding. Who would even expect their Maid/Matron of Honor to plan their weddinig?!?!  That is crazy and she is being totally unreasonable.  You need to tell her right away to plan her own wedding.

Post # 8
Member
30 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Wow these are  a  lot  of unreasonable expectations! I  would suggest  you  spend one-on-one time  with  your  friend and  explain  to  her  that if  she cannot  handle  the situation  or  convince  her  family  how the  wedding ceremony and  reception  expenses need  to  be  within  a budget, etc  then  it  is  so  much  harder  for  you  to  accomplish  this task.  You  are  not  her  mouthpiece, you  are  her friend and she needs  to  be  more  involved  in  the  wedding  planning!

Post # 9
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I will echo PP, you need to talk your friend and make a realistic list of want she wants vs. what is possible. I’m also confused why she’s leaving all the planning to you? You sound like an amazing friend to be willing to do all this for her but make sure you communicate because you don’t want the relationship to suffer when you think you’re helping but somehow end up angering her or her family since it seems like one or the other will not be happy. 

It must be a regional thing because my family is from Mexico and I haven’t heard of the some of things you said. I’m not saying your wrong but my mom is very traditional and so religious and she wanted my older unmarried sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and never once told me anything about having to be married?

I don’t know if you are Mexican or Latina but from a personal prespective some of my family members expect everyone to be invited. Having wedding receptions in a backyard is common so they are probably expecting your friends wedding to be a typical to their family standards wedding. Usually this is cheaper because birria is usually cooked and the host buys alcohol but a lot of guest bring beer or their own alcohol to share. Potlucks are common too. Now I have only occasionally been to these types of weddings (not there is anything wrong with them), my family members usually rent halls. 

Now your friend might want something a little more modern so in this case she has to speak up and woman up. She needs to realize that everyone has their expectations for her wedding but what matters is what is 1. Can afford 2. Will make her happy. If I ever decide to have a big wedding I have informed everyone it will be vegan. This is NOT usual in my family, so it caused many angry people because they are expecting their birria or whatever type of meat dish. But I spoke up and was firm in my stance. 

Sorry this is so long! Just PM me if you want to talk more.

Post # 10
Member
1576 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am totally confused as to why you are planning her wedding. It is NOT the MOH’s duty to do so.

Post # 13
Member
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I come from a Mexican family too and I’ve never heard these types of demands. Almost all the weddings have been at reception halls — we’re just too many people for one person’s backyard. I’ll admit, having the family cater is common.

Your friend needs to stand up to her parents, respectfully if she’s worried about burning bridges or disrespecting her parents. Maybe she can get her siblings to help convince her parents? It’s not your job to be a go between and definitely not to plan her wedding.

Perhaps she can come up with a compromise?

 

Post # 14
Member
4951 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

A Maid/Matron of Honor helps, but does not do it all. That’s what wedding planners do.

Post # 15
Member
665 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@carleezee:  Vent away, it is smarter to talk about it with someone who is an outsider to the current situation. It’ll give you time to gather your thoughts and what it is you really want to talk to her about first. May I ask how old she is? She sounds pretty young to let her parents dictate so much but now that I think about it I guess very traditional Mexican families are that way. I guess I grew up in a more liberal home lol.

Is she paying for the wedding or are her parents contributing? This plays an important role in what to considering during planning a wedding. I say sit down with her and make a list of what she wants her wedding to be like. After you make that list start talking about the realisty of some her ideas for the wedding. She should probably ask her parents what they must have in the wedding for her to consider. Maybe she should make a list of what is really important to her parents so she can know what is realistic from their list also. 

This sounds so stressful! Relax and hang in there.

Post # 16
Member
2692 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Wow, that is a lot to take on as a Maid/Matron of Honor.  It’s great that you want to help out and take on so much responsibility but it really is not your job.  She should get a planner if it’s in her budget or handle the wedding details herself while you help her out.

Also, who is paying for the wedding.  I get that her family is traditional but they canot dictate how she should plan her wedding if they aren’t paying or it.  If they are, then it is up to her to speak up to get what she wants.

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