Post # 1
So my best friend is getting married and she has chosen me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m thrilled. Only problem is she has left me the entire responsibility of planning her wedding. Which would’nt be THAT bad except for one thing. Her family is SUPER old-fashioned Mexican and unwilling to compromise on anything!
They insist on a small wedding because of the expense but refuse to cut anyone out of the guestlist.
They insist on having it at someones house but she refuses to have it anywhere that isn’t a hall.
She wants a variety of food, while they find it offensive to have anything besides Mexican.
The list goes on and on…
Worst of all? She refuses to stand up for the things she wants and expects me to fix everything!
NOT TO MENTION my title might be taken away because they say you have to be Married to be Maid/Matron of Honor in Mexican Catholic weddings, yet I’m still expected to do everything regardles -.-
AAAAHHHHH I seriously don’t know what to do! HELPPPPP PLEASE!!!!!
Post # 3
Yikes! It sounds like it’s time to have a sit-down with your friend and politely tell her that you cannot run interference between her and her family. It just isn’t fair of her to expect. If you are enjoying planning the wedding than go for it, but I think telling her that she needs to be responsible for the major decisions while you work out the details would help a lot.
Post # 4
Why are you doing the work of a wedding planner for free?
Post # 5
@carleezee: What?!!! This is a lose-lose situation. It is NOT the MOH’s job to plan the wedding. (Why on earth would she ask this of you? Are you a wedding planner?) No matter how hard you try to please everyone, both sides will be mad at you for not giving them what they want. You need to talk to your friend and draw up a list of responsibilities you’re willing to help with or take care of, while leaving the major decisions (guest list, budget, venue, ceremony details) up to her. This is not your problem, and honestly, if you get sucked into this, your friendship will never be the same.
Post # 6
I guess she chose me because I am a control freak and very organized when it comes to party planning and if I tell her I can’t help her she will literally be running around like a chicken with its head cut off but I do think the drama with the family is too much.
And honestly the demands by the family seem crazy unrealistic to me and quite frankly quite silly… but this could just be the fact that I wasn’t raised as traditional as her family is…
Post # 7
It is not your job as the Maid/Matron of Honor to plan HER wedding. Who would even expect their Maid/Matron of Honor to plan their weddinig?!?! That is crazy and she is being totally unreasonable. You need to tell her right away to plan her own wedding.
Post # 8
Wow these are a lot of unreasonable expectations! I would suggest you spend one-on-one time with your friend and explain to her that if she cannot handle the situation or convince her family how the wedding ceremony and reception expenses need to be within a budget, etc then it is so much harder for you to accomplish this task. You are not her mouthpiece, you are her friend and she needs to be more involved in the wedding planning!
Post # 9
I will echo PP, you need to talk your friend and make a realistic list of want she wants vs. what is possible. I’m also confused why she’s leaving all the planning to you? You sound like an amazing friend to be willing to do all this for her but make sure you communicate because you don’t want the relationship to suffer when you think you’re helping but somehow end up angering her or her family since it seems like one or the other will not be happy.
It must be a regional thing because my family is from Mexico and I haven’t heard of the some of things you said. I’m not saying your wrong but my mom is very traditional and so religious and she wanted my older unmarried sister to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and never once told me anything about having to be married?
I don’t know if you are Mexican or Latina but from a personal prespective some of my family members expect everyone to be invited. Having wedding receptions in a backyard is common so they are probably expecting your friends wedding to be a typical to their family standards wedding. Usually this is cheaper because birria is usually cooked and the host buys alcohol but a lot of guest bring beer or their own alcohol to share. Potlucks are common too. Now I have only occasionally been to these types of weddings (not there is anything wrong with them), my family members usually rent halls.
Now your friend might want something a little more modern so in this case she has to speak up and woman up. She needs to realize that everyone has their expectations for her wedding but what matters is what is 1. Can afford 2. Will make her happy. If I ever decide to have a big wedding I have informed everyone it will be vegan. This is NOT usual in my family, so it caused many angry people because they are expecting their birria or whatever type of meat dish. But I spoke up and was firm in my stance.
Sorry this is so long! Just PM me if you want to talk more.
Post # 10
I am totally confused as to why you are planning her wedding. It is NOT the MOH’s duty to do so.
Post # 12
@LadyX: I agree most of the Mexican weddings I have been to are like this and it’s great because everyone kinda pitches in on stuff ( oh btw I am Mexican too) but she doesn’t want it like this she wants an all inclusive hall and her parents want to control everything which is my biggest annoyance because she says she can’t say no to her daddy :/ I’m not sure if it is because I was raised in a more liberal way but I would be more concerned in having what I want and can afford than what other people wanted…
Not to mention I was just standing in the middle of the discussion while they argued that I can’t be maid of honor and the groom’s brother can’t be best man because we are not married… As far as what I had heard as long as the two aren’t “living in sin” they can take these roles… It’s all just very confusing…
Also, this might seem selfish but it deeply hurts that I’m going through all this trouble and I might not even end up being Maid/Matron of Honor 🙁
I know I should stopwhining and just talk to her but I need to vent first so I don’t say anything I regret later on… And seeing as you comefrom the same background I feel more of a connection with you 🙂
I do appreciate everyone’s input it helps me see that I am not crazy and that what is being asked of me really is unrealistic
Thank you so much! <3
Post # 13
I come from a Mexican family too and I’ve never heard these types of demands. Almost all the weddings have been at reception halls — we’re just too many people for one person’s backyard. I’ll admit, having the family cater is common.
Your friend needs to stand up to her parents, respectfully if she’s worried about burning bridges or disrespecting her parents. Maybe she can get her siblings to help convince her parents? It’s not your job to be a go between and definitely not to plan her wedding.
Perhaps she can come up with a compromise?
Post # 14
A Maid/Matron of Honor helps, but does not do it all. That’s what wedding planners do.
Post # 15
@carleezee: Vent away, it is smarter to talk about it with someone who is an outsider to the current situation. It’ll give you time to gather your thoughts and what it is you really want to talk to her about first. May I ask how old she is? She sounds pretty young to let her parents dictate so much but now that I think about it I guess very traditional Mexican families are that way. I guess I grew up in a more liberal home lol.
Is she paying for the wedding or are her parents contributing? This plays an important role in what to considering during planning a wedding. I say sit down with her and make a list of what she wants her wedding to be like. After you make that list start talking about the realisty of some her ideas for the wedding. She should probably ask her parents what they must have in the wedding for her to consider. Maybe she should make a list of what is really important to her parents so she can know what is realistic from their list also.
This sounds so stressful! Relax and hang in there.
Post # 16
Wow, that is a lot to take on as a Maid/Matron of Honor. It’s great that you want to help out and take on so much responsibility but it really is not your job. She should get a planner if it’s in her budget or handle the wedding details herself while you help her out.
Also, who is paying for the wedding. I get that her family is traditional but they canot dictate how she should plan her wedding if they aren’t paying or it. If they are, then it is up to her to speak up to get what she wants.