(Closed) Frustrated. No longer in the waiting game for now, but not for a good reason.

posted 9 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Do you really want to be married to someone without a steady job, or that I would assume (from your hints) did something really bad to make it so that he does not have a stable job? Is that really what you want to legally bind yourself to for the rest of your life?

Post # 5
79 posts
Worker bee

I’m sorry you are dealing with this. Just offering my two cents, I would think long and hard about being with someone where you have discovered something terrible about them that was being kept from you. There really shouldn’t be any secrets and you’ll only get more and more deeply involved both legally and emotionally with this person.  If it were me, I’d probably take it as a sign from the universe telling me that a future with this person is a bad idea. If I didn’t have 100% trust there’s no way I’d stay in the relationship.

Post # 7
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Ugh, so sorry things aren’t going like you want them to.  You’re being very smart to take a step back and re-asses the situation and your relationship.  Trust is so important.  It can be regained, but it’s a lot of work. 

When I left my ex (boyfriend, thank goodness), it wasn’t because I thought we could never work it out, but because I knew I could never forget what he had done.  Now – our situation is different as he was terrible to me.  I couldn’t forget the names he called me, how he belittled me, and on and on.  Even if he changed like he swore he could, I’d never forget the things he said and it wouldn’t be fair to him for me to bring them up years down the road.  Or even to harbor any of that resentment towards him.

So – take your time.  Be SURE that you can move past what’s going on and let it go and that it won’t affect your future.  You have to be 100% ok with your change of plans, totally forgive him (not now, you can take your time, but you have to be able to do it), and not bring it up whenever you get in a fight or talk about what ‘could have been.’

I really hope it does work out if you’re both committed to it.  Best of luck to you two!

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