Post # 1
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
Hi Ladies,
Am I being unreasonable, bitchy, in the wrong about this?
Since Oct my Boyfriend or Best Friend said we’ll be engaged. Then he said before Thanksgiving, then before Christmas… Still nothing. He said, just yesterday that he has it all planned out. Don’t worry, I’ll be surprised. My friend’s bday is jan 12, he made a comment saying, “oh, you’ll have your ring by then.” But the frustration is that he’s planning our wedding still for feb 23. He’s making plans and appt for the cake, where we’re having our ceremony, already talked to the DJ, his uncles, we’ll be using his house or one of his estates and the other owns a bakery. We are suppose to meet with the baker today to sample cakes. But I already told him, I don’t want to plan for anything until I’m officially engaged. It sucks to tell people I don’t have my ring because he hasn’t officially proposed yet. And I can’t even tell my mom about our plans because she makes comments like, “Don’t you have to be engaged first to make wedding plans,” “I’ll believe it when I see it.” She makes me feel dumb and naive.
I’m more frustrated that he’s the one who kept giving me a time line and keeps breaking it. The worst part is that we’re moving right after we get married and I can’t even tell my parents until we’re engaged. He’s more excited than I at this point, already making plans, but I can’t enjoy it until we’re offically engaged. I can.t even look at dresses because I want my mom with me but she thinks our plans are fake or just talk. And my Boyfriend or Best Friend knows all this. He knows how I feel . He just keeps saying he understands and he has his plans. ugh! Please help me! lol
Post # 3
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
To be honest, I’m on your mom’s side. I wouldn’t make plans without officially being engaged (ring not necessary, but a proposal is!). I would tell your SO that you aren’t going to any more vendor appointments or discussing any wedding plans until there is an engagement, and stand firm on that decision.
Post # 4
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
Wow… didn’t know how irritated I was until I started writting. lol. I really needed to vent.
Post # 5
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
@abbie017: I understand that. That’s how I feel. But we’re moving too and his dad is very ill, which is why we are getting married sooner. I’m just frustrated.
Post # 6
Member
12953 posts
Honey Beekeeper
@echolove: I’d be frustrated too, and with family illnesses, I get pushing up plans. At the same time, I personally think you should still be engaged before planning a wedding, and it seems like you do too. You need to tell him that this isn’t cool with you. Heck, show him that you went to a message board for advice on this since you’re so frustrated! Sometimes guys just don’t get it.
Post # 7
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
@abbie017: He knows about this message board. lol. He always ask, “what did the bees say today?” lol
Post # 8
Member
2224 posts
Buzzing bee
@echolove: the bees say he has to put a ring on it (figuratively speaking!)
Post # 9
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
I don’t even want to see him today becsuse i’m so frustrsted. And believe me, iy may sound like I’m pressuring him, but I’m not. These are all his plans. He even told his mom and dad we’re moving up our wedding date. Our date is less than 2 months away. its ridiculous!
Post # 10
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
I’m telling him, again, today, no wedding talk, appts, amything until we are officially engaged.
Post # 11
Member
7652 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
Have you had any say in all of this planning (or don’t want any?) I think it is odd he is planning this wedding without you and hasn’t proposed yet. I know for me I would feel terrible if my mom said something like that, although I understand why your mom has. I would also feel terrible that I’d be moving right after getting married and not be able to tell my mom about it. How upset do you think she is going to be when she finds out? I have a really close bond with my mom, and if my Fiance had told me I couldn’t say anything I’d feel very controlled and put the kabosh to it right away, but I don’t know your relationship with you mom so that’s just my opinion.
Kudos to you for putting so much trust in your Fiance because I couldn’t have let my Darling Husband plan all of it out, but I would still be concerned and ask for an official proposal. He owes it to you to do that, he really does.
Post # 12
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
I totally get where you’re coming from, I’m kind of in the same boat myself. I would say give him until jan. 12 and only make tentative plans until then, and if by the 13th there still isn’t a ring, I would have a “come to Jesus” meeting so to speak. Other than that I got nothing for you…I feel for you, though.
Post # 13
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
@megz06: My mom knows everything but doesn’t take it seriously. And we don’t have the best relationship. I’m happy to move away. But which is why I told my mom from the beginning our plans, to try to spend more time with each other before I move. But she’s too busy going out with her friends and bf. We have more of a friend relationship, than mother and daugther. I’m more the mother and she’s the rebelious teen. But its my dad I’m more concerned about. He knows nothing. Just that my Boyfriend or Best Friend wants to propose.
And we’re both planning. Its both ideas, but he’s the one taking action on the plans. I’m not getting involved until I have my ring. lol. Sorry, didn’t make him sound like a control freak. and its my idea to not tell anyone elsr about us moving until we are engaged. Just thought it’ll go over better with my dad.
Post # 15
Member
2999 posts
Sugar bee
@Omgbunnies: haha yes
The bees and Beyonce say he has to put a ring on it.
My Fiance and I started planning a couple pieces before being officially engaged but I knew my ring was being made since we ordered it together. I also knew it’d take a little while and he promised to propose days after he got it. He did the day after he picked it up. It doesn’t sound like you have either.
Post # 16
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
@jpalm13: The ring is being fixed. His mom gave him her e-ring to give to me. He had to buy a diamond and resize it. But he bought a temp e-ring that I picked out. So we do have everything set, just not the official engagement. He says he has it planned for a certain day, but I don’t know what’s so special about that certain day or his plans of how he wants to propose. It better be a really special day, that he couldn’t propose any other day. lol
