- 5 years ago
So here is our deal. I’m 27, and he’s 30… so while we aren’t oldies, we definitely are old enough to know what we want out of a life partner, and we agree that what we want is each other.
We get along exceptionally well, and I definitely consider him my best friend. We’ve been together for about a year and a half and we’ve lived together for 7 months of that; I will admit that part of me thought that us moving in together last summer would expedite (possibly?) the reality of us getting engaged/married soon. He has made it known that we are going to be engaged and he wants to be married to me, and vice versa.
The thing is, I come from a Catholic family, his family is not religious at all, and he is an atheist. I, myself, am not Catholic, but my mother (who is also my best friend) is. I never lived with anyone that I was dating, and truthfully, my mom was not geeked about it. I do respect her opinions greatly, but decided to move in with him anyway. She got used to the idea, and is perfectly fine with it, yet I get the constant “when are you guys just going to make it official” prodding. I have no strong moral opposition to it, but at the same time, I was hoping that it would be that next step that would lead to being engaged. Everyone I know knows that we will end up married, and I keep getting the prodding on “when I think it’s going to happen.” We have a trip planned in April, which is also near my birthday, and everyone seems to be “certain” that it will happen then. I even had a good feeling that it would. I had that feeling a few times when we’ve taken little trips, especially our anniversary trip, but, no… still waiting. I sort of brought it up this weekend, asking him playfully “well how many months do you think??” He pretty much said not until the end of summer, when our lease is up. I gave him a timetable: if we aren’t engaged by the time we need to resign the lease, I will move out. Not to use it as a threat, but at this point I’m not very happy feeling like I’m playing house with someone who won’t committ to me.
I’m sick of feeling like his wife, picking up after him, adopting animals together, decorating our house, but with no committment of marriage. I’m just getting tired of this… he seems to think that our arrangement is just fine, and I feel like giving him a timetable is just forcing him into “what he’s not ready for.” I don’t get it. We basically are everything a married couple is, without the actual committment. I know part of it is that he is an attorney, and he dealt with a lot of divorce/family law, and he has said many times that he knows “marriage isn’t always final,” but I guess I just have the romanticized version in my head. I plan to make it final, and he says he does too, but he’s see terrible things happen to couples. At this point, I don’t even care about waiting for the lease to be up… I’m seriously considering just moving out on my own until I can feel like he’s ready to make a solid committment. Any thoughts?
Sorry, bees… this seems like it turned into more of a rant. I’m just having a difficult day with this!