(Closed) Frustrated with bridesmaid!!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Sometimes people don’t act how we expect or want them too, even though to us it seems like a no brainer.  I had a talk with one of my "best friends" about this, I’m not having a bridal party but she would have been in it if I was.  Basically she didn’t show an interest in the wedding and I finally confronted her about it and she said it was because she figured I had my sister who got married last year was better at this stuff.  I just told her that it doesn’t hurt to ask how things are going or just if I need help, it would be nice to hear.  Also, if your bridesmaids are single and have not been through this they sometimes just don’t know.  I’m sorry this is frustrating, I would maybe just be open and honest with them about how you feel.

Post # 4
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I completely understand your stress!  I actually have 6 bridesmaids, but in actuality only have 1 true helper, and that is the Maid/Matron of Honor, and the other 5 are only there in name.   I don’t think you should take it personally, because I have been bridesmaids to friends previously and I can honestly say that I didn’t understand my role until having to plan my own wedding.  Of course as a bridesmaid, I make myself available for assistance if it is needed, but for the most part, I didn’t do very much except showing up on the big day dressed up and having a good time.  I think your bridesmaids feel like if you need their help, you’ll reach out to them.  Don’t assume that they know exactly what they’re supposed to do.  

Post # 5
Member
10 posts
Newbee

I’m in the same situation. 2 of my 3 bridesmaids won’t even reply to my emails asking for opinions and suggestions!

Post # 6
Member
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I have 4 bridesmaids.  I have had the same issue with one of my Maid/Matron of Honor (I have two) that she may no longer be in the wedding.  Sometimes these girls don’t know what to do!  I gave my little sister a How to be a Bridesmaid guide book and she has been on board ever since.  It really helped her figure out how she can help.  She has been awesome since and the other 2 bridesmaids are on top of everything else.  My fiance had the same problem with his groomsmen for his bachelor party that he had to nudge a million times before someone finally moved on it.  (But he wrote the evite!) I think it’s particularly hard when you have never been in a wedding before.  You still have time, I’d bring it up to everyone.

Post # 7
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2008

I have three bridesmaids, and my wedding is in three weeks, and the only time they appear is when they need something for themselves involving the weddding. Its not just you. Usually you end up with a couple helpers, or doing it alone.

Its hard, but maybe you should ask for help or plan a wedding craft party for the girls, where you hace snacks and drinks and make stuff for the wedding day.

 I am a super control freak, and I am pretty sure that is why no one wants to help, lol.

 Don’t stress too much, stressing will take time away from being productive!!

Post # 8
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

There is a good chance they have no idea they are supposed to do anything. In fact, when I asked my bridesmaids, the only things I thought that meant were 1) I was trying to honor them as good friends 2) They needed to get a special dress and 3) *hopefully* they would throw me a bachelorette party.  I didn’t know they were supposed to do all the other "official" bridesmaid duties, nor have they offered, nor do I care.  They are amazing friends, they *did* throw me the best bachelorette party ever, and they are wearing pink dresses (which I subsidized).

If you want a shower and/or bach party, speak to the bridesmaid you feel most comfortable with and let her know.  There is a good chance it just never occurred ot them!!

Post # 9
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

As others have pointed out, it’s probably the case that they don’t know what they need to do or what is expected of them.  It may be they didn’t want to intrude, figured you had it covered or are just busy with their own lives.  Most people don’t realize how much organization it can take to coordinate a wedding and that the planning happens WAY sooner than you’d think.   It may also be that they’re not as interested in the planning.  It’s hard to say without checking in.  You may want to chat with each of them about the schedule and see if they are making plans for a shower and/or bachelorette party (you can explain that you’ve got a lot of vendor meetings and want to make sure that you’re available for anything they’ve got in the works).  Not the most delicate approach, but it may get the ball rolling.

When I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor to stand up for me, I barely knew what that entailed.  She did some research and we’ve coordinated together to set expectations and make things flow smoothly.  Our officiant is also a dear friend, so she’s been helping out as well.  At several points, I’ve shared updates and have bene very clear about inviting them to participate without the expectation they will.  Turns out they’re more into planning and helping than I thought!  If you have tasks left to do where they could be helpful, try asking if they’re up for it.  

 

Post # 10
Member
344 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I must agree with what most people have said already, I have probably always been an awful bridesmaid. I never had any clue about what that really meant. But I was always out of town, as my girls are now, and I always asked if they needed help, but there was never really anything I could do. I think I would just find some tasks and ask your bridesmaids to do them. They probably don’t know to ask, probably because you look completely cool and collected. As for the shower, maybe talk to your mom to see if she knows anything (it could be a surprise!) or any aunts you might have about it too. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Call them up and talk to them about it!  I agree, that unless they are married or have a lot of Bridesmaid or Best Man experience, they probably have no idea what it takes to plan a wedding or what their roles in that planning should be.  If you have expectations, you need to communicate them!  I’m sure that your friends are happy to help, as long you let them know where you need help.

Post # 12
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I was just thinking what many others said…How many times have I been an awful bridesmaid because I had no idea what I was supposed to do until I started planning my own wedding. Chances are, your girls are clueless, not mean-spirited. I would try asking them for help and communicate your expectations, as others have said. I know this is hard (especially since you have been SO generous), but try not to take it personally! That, and you still have 2 months for them to get their acts together!!

Post # 13
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I bought this book for my sister who didn’t have a clue about being a bridesmaid.  She cried because she felt so bad.  I didn’t want it to have that effect on her, but WW she’s a huge help now.

Post # 15
Member
5399 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I know what you mean, my bridesmaid don’t do anything.  The person I actually get the most help from beside my godmother and grandma is my flower girl’s mom who is the FI’s cousin.  All I know is I didn’t want a big wedding to begin with and now the Fiance is realizing that maybe I was right.  Also, if I were to do it all again I would have a VERY small wedding and definately NO bridal party.  I just don’t have those superbridesmaids like some people have and honestly don’t know of anyone who possibly could be.

Post # 16
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

happybridetobe,

Don’t be frustrated. Just know that you are an AWESOME bride and I would be so happy to agree to be your bridesmaid because you are being so generous and thoughtful in how you are trying to make it easy for your bridesmaids.

I think your situation is really similar to mine. One of my bridesmaids is really helpful as she is always offering to help or ask if she can do anything. Not so much with the others, but it doesn’t bother me TOO much because I have no problem asking them to do a little get together and then doing a "program assembly date" or whatever.

I’m the first one to get married in my social group and I will admit it is on the younger side. None of my bridesmaids have ever been one before. I’m pretty sure they don’t know that they’re responsible for showers or bachelorette parties, etc. I’m a bit sad that I probably won’t get one but I also don’t feel right telling them that it’s what they should do….Know what I mean?

So I am about 3 months out from the actual day of and there’s no showers or parties in sight! 🙁 I don’t care about the presents. I just want a little party! Seriously. Sincerely. 

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