(Closed) Frustrated with Bridesmaids lack of planning

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7268 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Argh, that is frustrating! It sucks when you feel like your friends are not treating you the way you would treat them. While you will inevitably get the usual chorus of “your bridesmaids have no obligation to do anything but show up on the day” – I think many people who come from friend groups/cultures where pre-wedding events like bachelorettes and bridal showers would be pretty upset in your situation. 

Do you have a maid of honor who has offered to plan these things for you? If so I would just reach out to her and have a heart to heart about it. Maybe she has a lot going on at the moment in her personal life or something that you don’t even know about cause she doesn’t want to burden you with that as you’re planning your wedding. Or maybe she is just a procrastinator and has every intention of planning you a kickass bach/shower….at the last minute lol. Just talk to her!

Post # 3
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
chyanne :  Sorry, but I’m of the opinion that you don’t ask people to throw you parties. If they offer and then don’t follow through, that sucks but I don’t think that makes it ok to ask them about it. It’s also not ok to plan your own “adore me and bring me presents” parties. If your friends are willing and able to do it, that’s wonderful. If they aren’t, life goes on.

Post # 4
2792 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Those parties are a gift and not a requirement. They’re also not something you should plan on your own regardless. I would let this one go, sorry you’re disappointed!

Post # 7
8368 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
chyanne :  If people ask about a shower, you can tell them honestly that you don’t know if one is planned or not. That way, if someone else wants to plan one, they can. Also, it’s silly to say “I don’t want presents at my shower!” A shower is by definiton a party where people “shower” the guest of honor with gifts. Saying I want a shower without presents is like saying I want a dinner without food, or I want to go to a beach but without any water. 

Post # 9
1898 posts
Buzzing bee

If you don’t have a registry, I don’t understand why you want a shower. The whole point of a shower is to receive physical gifts. If you told me you didn’t have/want a registry, I would assume no showrr. 

Post # 10
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You need to have a chat with your Maid/Matron of Honor. If she’s agreed to plan things like shower etc, just be honest with her in a calm way- if you don’t, it’s going to drive you nuts!

As for the fighting, leave them to it. They are adults and need to suck it up.

Post # 11
3089 posts
Sugar bee

Presumably you had a good idea of whether these women were organized and good with panning and follow-up before you asked the to be in your bridal party?

Post # 12
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your bridesmaids aren’t the only people who can throw you a shower and if they are in constant disagreement it’s unlikely they will. You had to have some sense that this might be the case when you chose your group. Some may also think a lack of a registry indicates lack of interest in a shower. (I’ve never been invited to a shower where the bride wasn’t registered.) If you just want to get people together to enjoy one another’s company plan a bridal luncheon with no expectation of gifts.

A wedding reception isn’t to celebrate having a bridal shower or bachelorette, it’s to thank all the people who joined you in celebrating your marriage vows. It’s not a tit-for-tat sort of thing. 

Post # 13
1015 posts
Bumble bee

The purpose of a shower is to shower the bride with physical gifts for her new married home. If I were in a wedding where the bride didn’t register anywhere, I would not think to throw her a shower.  Bachelorette, yes, but not a shower.  I’m sorry you’re disappointed with your BM’s but I’ve never, ever heard or been to a shower where the bride wasn’t registered and didn’t spend half the party opening gifts.


That said, if your family or other people keep asking when your shower is, there is no shame in saying that no one has offered to throw one yet – and maybe someone will take the bait and host a party for you.  

Post # 14
5966 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

I would let go of the shower idea if you don’t have a registry. I would be very confused about what to gift the bride since the point of a shower is to “shower” the couple with gifts.

Perhaps your BMs took the lack of a registry to mean a shower wasn’t needed?

Post # 15
30390 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you truly don’t want the gifts, it is totally acceptable for you to host a brunch, luncheon, or afternoon tea for your friends and family . These are not gift giving events.  You can have a good time, talk, eat, drink and play games.

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