(Closed) Frustrated with FI, don't know what to think. Opinions?

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 3
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I think you guys need to have a serious talk about expectations. He can’t read your mind so it’s not fair to be upset with him if you haven’t told him what your expectations are.

FTR, I find that I do a lot of the initiating when it’s baby making time, but I think that makes sense because I am the one who has a better idea of what my body is doing. Other times I will tell DH we need to BD everyday for the next few days and he will plan it out with me and initiate sometimes.

Post # 4
Member
2494 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

You need to talk to him about this.

Post # 5
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 1997

@frustratedttcbee:  he’s not ready to commit to marriage nor is he ready for fatherhood. Actions speak louder than words. I would reconsider trying to get pregnant at this point until he  marrys you and wants to be a father.  Sorry hon.

Post # 6
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

He was hesitant but agreed


^This to me sounds like he’s not quite ready, if he hesitates than I don’t really think you should be upset with him for not making the move when he may not be ready. This is a life long commitment and he should be ready and happy about it and excited and all of the shebang. He shouldn’t be reluctant and just cave because he knows what you want.

Don’t get upset with him, and don’t use this as a “I always initiate, he needs to” deal. It doesn’t matter who initiates, it gets done. If he wasn’t jumping your bones knowing it was the time to do it, he’s having second thoughts about it and is right to have them. It’s a big deal that shouldn’t be rushed or guilted into (I’m not saying you are doing this but he may feel this way).

You two need to have an open discussion and you need to be willing to wait if he’s not ready, pressuring him to be ready is a BIG mistake and will likely cause serious issues in the future

Post # 7
Member
1118 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I’m sorry, but this all sounds so immature to me it’s driving me crazy.

Bringing a child into the world isn’t a game. It should be done by two mature adults who have discussed all plans and expectations in advance and are on the same page about everything, including when to BD in order to create that child.

Your FI is probably thinking “she got a positive OPK, and if she’s ready to try for this child, she will initiate. I don’t want to force myself on her if she’s not ready.”

If the two of you can’t turn to EACHOTHER and say “it’s “go” time” and get it on, you’re not ready to bring a child into this relationship.

Post # 8
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@frustratedttcbee:  IMO he isnt ready.  He doesnt wont to tell you this because he doesnt want to hurt your feelings.  Actions speak louder than words.  You need to be patient with him, it takes guys longer to feel ready than women.

Post # 9
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Or we could all stop guessing as to what any of this means and you could do the adult thing and TALK TO HIM. For real. If you want to bring a baby into this world with someone you should be able to have a conversation with him. 

Post # 11
Member
1125 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I just realized it says “fiance” as well. Having a baby before marriage isn’t the biggest deal but with the way you are talking, you wont be married any time soon, which says to me he may not even be ready for that commitment, or you plan to be pregnant/having a newborn child during the wedding planning stages? That’s a LOT to take on in such a short ammount of time, I wouldn’t blame him for being a bit freaked at all the changes that you’re wanting in such a short amount of time.

 

Post # 13
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Why don’t you wait until you’re married. Impending wedding, committment, baby? That’s a lot at once. 

You should both be thrilled to start trying. Not hesitant or one side trying to force it to happen.

Post # 14
Member
937 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@frustratedttcbee:  I know you told your FI that you were ready to have a LO and he (reluctantly) agreed, but I say let him lead. There is no rush in having a baby now and if you do end up pregnant and he turns out not to be ready, he’ll have felt like you tripped him. Tell him you wants and wait patiently for him to reciprocate. If adn WHEN he is actually ready… he will. But until then, I’d reccommend not getting stressed out over the small stuff. Yes it’s get to BD on your ovulation date, but you can still conceive a baby in the 2-3 after as well. 

Post # 16
Member
11760 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to be communicate, not play games and “test” him to see if he wants a baby right now or not.  It’s pretty immature.  Maybe he just wasn’t in the mood to have sex last night. Maybe he would have if you initiated, you just don’t know. Maybe he avoided having sex because he knew it might result in pregnancy and he is scared and not ready. Who knows! You can’t assume that because he saw you had a positive OPK and didn’t initiate sex that he doesn’t want a baby right now.  You need to talk to him about it, not make assumptions.

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