(Closed) Frustrated with Fiance's Brother

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3574 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

He sounds obnoxious.  Your Fiance needs to put him in his place.  He’s rude and someone needs to shut him down.

Post # 4
Member
859 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

@Catamaran:

I’d tell him either get with the program or get out.

Post # 5
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Have you ever heard of the saying that a leopard doesn’t change his spots? I think that applies here. Your FI’s brother is behaving in a rather self-centered manner. Am I right that he’s pretty much always been this way? If so, he’s not going to change just because his brother is getting married. If your Fiance really wants him to be the best man, it’s time to lower expectations. If you expect him to be self-centered, you won’t be surprised or disappointed when he lives up to his own standards, and you can plan accordingly (aka have a VERY good back-up plan for when he shows up 5 minutes before the ceremony is about to start). If your Fiance isn’t completely stuck on the idea of his brother being the best man, your Fiance could delicately and tactfully offer him an out.

Post # 6
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

He sounds like a jerk. Ignore him. Some people just aren’t happy unless they’re complaining.

Post # 7
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MrsTVLover:  +1 your Fiance needs to put him in his place. Or kick him out. Rude; this is YOUR day.

Post # 8
Member
2685 posts
Sugar bee

That is extremely frustrating.  Your requests aren’t unreasonable at all, and you’re going out of your way to help him (with the free room and the limo to the church).  If he’s so inconvenienced by typical groomsman duties, maybe he shouldn’t be a groomsman at all.  Your Fiance should sit down with him and talk things out.

Post # 9
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

My DH’s brother (also a groomsman) left after the ceremony–when the reception started. He did not tell us he was planning to do so, just came by the table and said he was leaving.

…can’t pick your family 🙂

Post # 10
Member
850 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I tend to think that when people don’t take an opportunity to be kind and respectful to loved ones (it’s SO easy to do at weddings, just keep your opinions to yourself, follow the wishes of the bride and groom, with a smile on your face) it says something about their character and really, there’s not a lot you can do about it. He wants to be a jerk to your brother and his new wife on their wedding day, so let him! This will show everyone that he wants to distance himself from his family. If he refuses to participate or accept the hotel room, simply say “Ok! We want you there, but we understand if you don’t want to participate.” And just know in your hearts that he can’t be counted on. Be careful the next time he comes to you guys needed something.

It’s so hurtful when family is dissapointing, but take this as an opportunity to see him for who he really is. 

Post # 11
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Your Fiance needs to put him in check.

Post # 12
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Yes, I would absolutely be annoyed. He does sound obnoxious. Your fiance needs to tell him if he doesn’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all, lol.

I would especially be annoyed about the hotel thing – I’m sure you can think of 25 other guests you could give that to who would be grateful for a free hotel room. Yeah “free” hotel room after you spend thousands on the wedding venue. He sounds like he doesn’t have a clue about anything and just likes to complain.

Post # 13
Member
113 posts
Blushing bee

I am pretty blunt. I’d tell him he needs to stop whining or he doesn’t have to come. You’re asking him to attend a wedding, not stay at a prisoner of war camp. 

Post # 16
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

What a little brat.

 

Honestly, it sounds to me like he’s throwing a tantrum because his brother is getting married, and there’s someone more important in your FI’s life than his brother. You guys need to tell him to cut the shit and get with the program. And by you guys, I mean your Fiance. 

 

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