- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
ETA: tl;dr version
12 and 13 yo cousins as junior bridesmaids. Threw a tantrum because they want to wear different color differnt style dresses. Now they bought the tiaras and the mom is adamant that it’s not a tiara but “a headband with a small crown”. Me bride bangs head to the desk.
I’ve been reading the boards ever since I got engaged last year but never had an account. But now only a little over a month before the wedding, I finally become a bee because I feel like I need some support! When my bridesmaids problems are not as serious as some of yours, I would still like to vent and get some hugs.
If there’s one single person to blame that’s me because I’m the one who agreed to include my 2 cousins (from different parents) in the wedding party. They are now 12 and 13 yo. Yes, I was an idiot to include teenagers in the wedding party and didn’t expect what that entails. I was a flower girl at one of the girls’ parents wedding (I was like 5?) so I guess I felt obliged (again my own fault).
I also have my sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and a dear friend as a bridesmaid. They’re both 23, my sister is in Medical school and my friend is in grad school. Both very responsible and very adult. That is why I asked them to stand next to me on the wedding day.
But the junior bridesmaids and their mothers have been a headache to me. I went dress shopping with adult bridesmaids during December break because of thier schedules and that we all live in different cities. We picked a beautiful organza dress in Wisteria (light purple) and I let the junior bridesmaids mother know of the color and even said it doesn’t have to be exact color, as long as in the same color family, for example Iris is OK. I let the younger girls wear a different dress because I thought differnt age group, different style would be appropriate. I thought 12/13 yo won’t like what 23yos picked. And I kind of trusted my aunts judgement and their ability to control their kids. Boy was I wrong.
They went to the store in December (without giving me heads up) 2 days after we went. If I knew they also wanted to go then, I would have arranged to go together. But the mothers first said the girls will grow so they want to go get the sizes closer to the wedding. So they went because we went and showed them the dresses but that’s ok coz as long as they are excited right. They called me from the store and I told them to send the pic of the dress they like. I liked what they sent, I thought it look age-appropriate and in the purple family of color so I gave them green light.
First forward in May, I was travelling on a bus and I got a call from them. They are at Davids Bridal and they gonna order the dress. I said I tought you ordered back in December? They said they didn’t coz the size might change and now they don’t like what they picked anymore. I said OK so what do you like now? They wanted differnt colors, pink and purple, and differnt styles for each of them!! WTF!! I’m on the bus can’t even raise my voice. I talked to the mothers, can you explain to them that the bridesmaids wear the same dresses, at least same color? I thought the kids didn’t know better but the mothers do. Well I was told by the mothers that the kids saw Davids Bridal catalouge so they said they can do it. WTF!!! Because the models are showing off different dresses. Even them wear the same color on the same page no? I don’t even know what to say. The worse part is that all 4 of them keep tossing the phones to each other and no one would listen to me. Like mid-sentence. I was saying something to the kid and she just tossed the phone to the mom and the mom passed it on to the other mom. Since I can’t talk to them, I called my mom and sis to ask what to do. They said just be firm and tell them they can’t be in the wedding party if they wear differnt colors. So I decided and I sent them the dress number of the adult bridesmaids and just texted them to get the same dress (at that point they weren’t answering my calls). Later the moms called me back and said in order for the kids to get what I wanted, they had to bribe them by buying shoes that they want, 4 inch heels and flats for each of them. Yes from Davids Bridal. Well it’s their kids and their money, not my business.
Now tonight, I was talking to one of the moms regarding the timeline with the MUA/hair-stylist and she said the kids are not gonna put on make up, just lipstick is fine coz they are just kids. Ok, I said but they have to do something about their hair, just can’t keep them down, may be at least a headband? And my aunt goes, yea we already bought a headband. I was like oh really where did you get them, I should tell other bm’s too. She said from David’s Bridal and it’s $29. Hmmm it starts to smell funny so I told them to send me a pic. She said it’s a headband with a small crown. Say what??? A headband with a crown?? Isn’t that a tiara?? I am wearing a small tiara so I told her I don’t think they should wear a tiara. Bridesmaids usually don’t wear tiaras, right? The mom kept saying it is not a tiara it’s a headband with a small crown. So I looked at the pic, it is indeed this one:
She said she will exchange at Davids Bridal and get another one if this one is bigger than the one I’m wearing. I said well Davids Bridal headpieces are usually for the bride so may be you should find a replacement somewhere else, a more casual place? And a real headband, not a tiara? Then she starts saying she found this at the kids’ section so this is not the bride’s headband. Sigh. I told her even then your daughter can’t be a flower girl either (she’s taller than me in fact). It’s not appropriate. What drove me crazy is that it’s not even the teenage girls, it’s the mothers at this point that can’t see what’s appropriate and what’s not. I was told both moms bought the tiaras for their girls.
I’m at my wits end now and my mom and sis said jsut tell them on the day of that they are out if they have the tiaras on during the wedding and just give the MUA the ones that I want on their heads. The thing is I have a good relationships with my uncles and aunts and we get along well except when it comes to what these kids want to wear at our wedding!
end rant. Thanks for reading!