(Closed) Frustrated…..sad vent

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I think you should talk to him about how it’s not acceptable for him to shut you out, especially over something like this. You’re not wrong for expecting him to be open.

Post # 4
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

He must be hurting so badly right now. Having to gift up my daughter would devestate me. Just try to support him and listen if he needs to talk. Right now, I bet he’s still in a cloud of pain.

Post # 5
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

If he continues to shut you out then I think you have every right to let him know that you expect some more communication given the distance between you.  But for right now try to just give him some time to adjust.  It’s only been a couple days.  I’m sure if you were there with him he would want you to comfort him.. but that’s very difficult to do over the phone.  He probably doesn’t feel like talking through it just yet.

Post # 7
4137 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

it sounds like he’s really really hurt, so he doesn’t need you getting mad at him too. gently explain to him that you will always be there for him, and that he can always talk to you without judgment. you need to be the supportive party here.

Post # 8
2394 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I understand your frustration, but don’t think right now is the time to be bringing this up.  He’s processing what I imagine is incredible pain in the best way he knows how, and the fact that he’s shut down is not something to be taken personally.

What I mean is, it’s one thing if he’s spilling his guts to everyone BUT you, but if the loss of his daughters has driven him into a shell that’s really nothing at all to do with your relationship or his feelings for you.

If you want to encourage him to open up, I’d stick with lots of non-confrontational statements about how you’re here for him, that it makes you sick to see him in so much pain, that you’d give anything to help him right now, etc.  Trying to pry emotions out of him is unlikely to work and will just make you angry and him defensive.  Make it clear you’re available if he wants to talk, then just let him be.

Post # 11
4546 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Perhaps let him know that it’s fine for him to take some time, but let him know that you get worried when you don’t hear from him and ask him if he could just send you  a quick text or something to know he’s okay. That way, he can cope in his way, and you don’t have to worry about his health. My heart goes out to you both and I’ll keep you both in my thoughts.

Post # 13
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TLH21: I don’t think you should give him a hard time about it. Have you had to give up a child? I’m sure he is devestated. I couldn’t even imagine having to face what he is facing. You are only going to piss him off by turning this around and talking about how YOU feel. I would just let him know that you are there to talk if he needs it, but don’t press the issue after that. I don’t think him shutting down has anything to do with your relationship. People handle grief and stress in different ways. If his way of coping is shutting everyone out then so be it. I’m sorry you have to go through this terrible time and I will pray that you both will make it through.

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