- 5 years ago
- Wedding: April 2013
I want to start this to say that I love him. And that he’s very intelligent and we are great together. But sometimes I want to strange him, and it’s worse knowing that it’s not really his fault because hen I feel guilty for getting frustrated at him.
Background: I never met FH’s mom, because she died from cancer just before I met him, but she was a real piece of work from what I’m heard from others. I mean, everyone says that she was nice… very sweet and never says anything bad about anyone… but she really sheltered my FH. I mean, REALLY sheltered. He only had one job, the summer between high school and college. She didn’t want him to work when he was in high school, and so that job after high school was his first job ever. And it was at the same place that she worked at, for just the summer. Then he went to college. She guilted him into dropping out, because of money and because she said that she needed him at home. And then she didn’t want him to work… she wanted him to stay home and basically be a housewife. Then she started getting sick and basically kept him from doing ANYTHING… he only contact with the outside world was his older brother. Even though she was engaged and her fiance could have helped her out, she made FH feel bad about wanting to do anything.
So, not only was she a helicopter mom who wanted her son with her always and never pushed him to actually improve himself or get any life skills, but she used his love for him to make him feel guilty when he did anything for himself.
Now, he’s up here with me (moved cross country to be with me) and I have to do what his mom DIDN’T do… which is remind him that he’s an adult. I had to remind him to apply for jobs. He didn’t like his job and quit (Ok, the job sucked so I understand) but didn’t have anything lined up first. Now he has a new job… great! But he wanted to drop a day because he didn’t like the shift (basically, he had to work overnight for a special event and would get home at 6am and then would have to go back at 6pm) and I had to remind him that we need the money and that ONE bad shift wasn’t worth losing 8 hours of pay.
He’s gotten better. And he’s great at cheering me up. And he cooks and cleans… but I want… NEED… a partner. He’s almost there now… but sometimes I just want to strangle him mom for never letting him grow up, because now he has to do it all of a sudden. He’s 26 and has never had any life experience… less than 1 year at community college, no job experience, no real social experience because she kept him at home… so he has to deal with being in the real world on top of social anxiety because he doesn’t know how to deal with meeting lots of new people.
It’s not his fault. It really isn’t. Yes, he could have tried to get out and work… but when your mom is sick and tells you over and over that she needs you… how can you refuse?