Post # 1
So, in about 1.5 years I will be completing my associate of science and my SO will be completing his BS. Both of us at that time will be at a point where we move onto new chapters in our lives. I will be continuing on to get my BS and he will be continuing for his masters. I’m currently at a community college and he is at a..popular university that doesn’t have the best master program, so each of us will be locating to different schools.
My SO has a very good chance of getting into a small/exclusive college that is on the other side of the country, literally. We are currently PDX residents and the school that he has connections with is in Boston. I don’t believe you could get much farther away than that. 🙂
I’ve talked with him and while we both want to be married to each other and know we are “it” for each other, I told him that I will not move across the country for someone who is my “boyfriend” without being engaged. We don’t have to be married, I don’t expect to be, but I do need to be engaged before I move to another state purely to benefit him. I would be fine staying here in our home state to get my BS. He completely agrees and thinks that’s a rational decision. I told him that if he’s not ready at that time, it’s not the end necessarily, we will just have to do long distance.
So, now I need to start considering what university I want to apply to for my BS. I asked him today if I should even look at schools around where he’s hoping to go. He said it’s up to me. So, I guess my best bet would be to look into any schools in any area he would like to be in JUST in case he does propose….or I could say “eff it” and just work on getting into a school here in my home state and then…. transfer? if needed.
I also have the problem of not knowing what his other choices for schools are. I have asked, and I got some mumbling about California.
I guess I’m just really frustrated. (I could have put this into the relationship section) He doesn’t have to make me any promises, all I really wanted to hear was something like “Yeah.. you should check out some schools around _____ just in case. . I really want to go to ____, but I’ve also considered ______.”
I guess I’m just lost as how to navigate all this.
Post # 3
@Tunacupcakes: You let your SO know, that you wouldn’t move to Boston or anywhere with him unless you were engaged first. He stated that he wants to marry you, but when you asked him whether you should look at schools in Boston he stated it’s up to you. If you are dead set on not moving until a proposal happens, then I would suggest you look at schools in your area and ones that are the best in your field regardless in that match up with your SO’s or not. Even though he has stated that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you he hasn’t given you any clear indication of proposing. I would put the proposal on the back burner and focus on getting my education. You are already planning on following him across the world and he can’t even tell you all the schools he is applying to.
Post # 4
@7mom: agreed. You told him your requirements for moving to be with him. Go ahead and look for schools near your home. If he wants you to come with him, and/or realizes later he needs to propose to get you to be with him, he’ll have to make a deccision… Telling you to decide yourself as putting all the responsibility back onto you.
Post # 5
I really agree with what you both posted. I may casually (and discreetly) look around at some of the schools in the same area of Boston that he most likely will end up at. I just.. like to know every option of every possibility lol
I know I won’t have any problems getting into the school here in our current location, so no stress there. It will just be strange doing long distance since we are currently living together and are pretty “established” as a couple. I’m guessing that if I don’t get a proposal before he moves I will get one very soon after. We’ve talked a bit about that time in the future and we would only end up seeing each other in person twice a year and he really prefers to have me around. Honestly…I don’t understand how he would survive.. he’s a bit clingy?.. negative word.. but I can’t think of a positive counterpart.
I think I mostly don’t want a situation where he proposes right before he moves thinking “OK! I’ve proposed.. things will continue as normal.” and my response being “Yay, we’re engaged, but sorry, I can’t move with you since I haven’t applied for any schools except for the one here.”
I guess that would just mean a long distance engagement.
Post # 6
I’d wait and then transfer….this way you aren’t playing the “which school are we getting into” game.
Out of state tuition is a bitch, too, dude!!! Save yourself some much needed dough. Your BS in California will NOT be cheap.
Post # 7
Wait and then transfer? *nods* Yeah, that really is sounding like my best course of action. I hope I don’t seem too obsessive since it is a ways away, but school has a strong butterfly effect? in place and I have to plan now to influence then.
Oh yes, the out of state tuition. *groan*
lol Perhaps it will come down to “I love you honey, but I can’t afford to be with you right now” and I just stay here in Portland no matter what. j/k Where there is a will, there is a way.
Post # 8
Transferring can be very messy business, so I would avoid that if possible. Why don’t you sit down and discuss between the two of you, where you’d like to be. I find it to be one sided that he gets to pick where he goes and you’re pretty much forced to follow or stay behind. You’re both entering programs, so it’s not like one of you is already established and can’t leave their program. I also find it odd that he said “it’s up to you”, for some reason I expected a more enthusiastic answer like “I’d really like it if you were with me, but of course you can do what you want” kind of thing.
Are you starting a BS from the bottom up (4 yr program) or transferring with your AA credits and starting as a 3rd yr?
Post # 9
I think I’m choosing to go where he will be, granted that we are engaged, because he has… oh I don’t know… a brighter future ahead of him? He’s younger than I am, and he’s a better student, has a better GPA, better connections, more experience, etc etc. It’s really important for him to get into the grad school he wants to get into, with my BS, it’s not such a big deal in my opinion. There’s a lot more flexibility there, so if I can be flexible and get my BS in the area where he gets his masters, then I think that would be better. This is… if we are engaged.
I will be starting on my BS from the bottom up.
Post # 10
I would apply to schools where you live now and a few schools in Boston in case he proposes in time to choose to go to one of those. Transferring is a pain because not all credits will transfer and things like that. I would also sit him down and tell him to give you a list of schools he’s applying to. I don’t see why he wouldn’t tell you, so it’s probably because he just doesn’t know yet. And out of state tuition isn’t a huge factor for most Boston schools since the majority of them are private and have ridiculous tuitions.