(Closed) FSIL and family wants to dictate guest list

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m not sure if there is a diplomatic way to handle this. You can’t diplomatically “uninvite” them (and I’m sure you realise that you shouldn’t have extended an invite without clearing it with the couple first), and it’s hard to force the couple to just ‘suck it up’ and allow this person that they clearly didn’t want at their wedding, and to pay for them to attend (given that meals at wedding receptions can be expensive!).

How does your daughter feel about this couple? Does she still feel close to them? Is there something specific that they have done to offend your Future Sister-In-Law, or is it more of a general behaviour problem and they’re worried about them being an embarrassment at the wedding/reception?

Post # 4
Member
2299 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

apologize. it wasn’t your place to invite them, and you did it behind their backs, likely knowing it would casue a problem. you should apologoze for being sneaky, and even though you can’t uninvite them, hopefully they will accept your apology and it won’t tarnish the relationship you have with the couple and the inlaws.

Post # 5
Member
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

as i said on your other post about the exact same topic.

it’s not your wedding, you don’t get to invite people. and you MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT get to override the bride and groom.

 

now you get to look like a big jerk when you un-invite the people you invited.

Post # 7
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

@rosworms:  Agreed.

Why did you post this twice? You shouldn’t have invited them in the first place. It’s not your wedding. Uninvite them. 

By The Way, Future Sister-In-Law and family is the groom’s family. As in half of the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
1828 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

It doean’t sound like she overrode both bride and groom. Also as parents of the bride and probably financially backing a portion of the wedding, generally means that the parents are allotted a number of guest spots they can invite. If this was one of thothwand the bride wanted this person there then why should she not have invited them.

That being said I also don’t understand why this was posted twice.

Post # 9
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@rosworms +1

OP, not meaning to be rude but not sure why you started two threads on the exact same topic? Anyhow, that’s by the by.

As MOB its not your decision to make who to invite!!!!! You have overstepped the mark so far, but what’s done is done and now it’s up to you to fix it. I think the only thing you can do is to talk to your daughter and Future Sister-In-Law, apologise, and ask them what they want you to do. AND THEN FOLLOW WHAT THEY SAY TO THE LETTER!  I also think that you should extend an apology to your FSIL’s family.

I hope you do manage to fix this and to repair the damage to the relationship with your daughter and Future Sister-In-Law.

 

Post # 10
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

In order to fix this diplomatically you need to talk to the bride and groom, apologise, and ask them if they want the guests uninvited. Then apologise more, and uninvite the couple if necessary. You can tell the couple it was your fault, that the couple’s budget and space won’t allow it. 

You intentionally set your daughter against the man she’s marrying. Shame on you. Apologise til you’re hoarse and don’t help or interject your opinion again. No one will trust you with wedding tasks for a while.

ETA: Your title: “Future Son In Law … dictate guest list.” The groom has 1/2 the say! 

Post # 11
Member
1615 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Agree with if she is paying, she has some input.

Post # 12
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Luayne:  I had the same reaction as you.

It’s a little hard to know the full story since so little information is given, but if the MOB is hosting, she gets to invite the guests. She’s the host. It seems completely unfair to me that someone the host might want to invite cannt be invited for personal reasons relating to that guest’s wife, but the nature of those personal reasons could really matter.

Post # 13
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@juanita.kelly.9:  Even if the MOB is paying the groom should have the right to veto someone.

Even if you all think the groom can’t veto a person, you all must agree that the stance should be “I want this person and I’m paying. If the groom doesn’t want them, he can pay for the wedding,” NOT SECRETLY AND DEFIANTLY INVITING THEM. So rude and disrespectful. 

Post # 14
Hostess
23620 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oops, I’m noticing that this is a double post! I’m going to close this one, so that the OP can get all of her responses here:

Unwanted guest

Thanks to all! 🙂

The topic ‘FSIL and family wants to dictate guest list’ is closed to new replies.

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