(Closed) FSIL and FBIL are something else (Vent, mostly. Share your story?)

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3302 posts
Sugar bee

Jealous FSIL which I deal with by ignoring her. She got married two months ago and didn’t receive as much family support as she wanted. I tried being nice to her- her response was being a bitch- so I am done. I just ignore her now.

Post # 4
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee

Yikes- that really sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with all of that.. 

I kind of always assumed that my dream guy would come with a dream family (I myself have a tiny one: just my parents and a grandmother, so I’d always fantacized about tons of kind, friendly in-laws), and was also very happy with his family when I first met them.

As time goes on however, and we are put in different situations, you do come to realize that nobody’s perfect and that virtual strangers suddenly meshing and becoming each other’s bosom buddies is in fact quite rare, if not impossible. My SO’s parents are divorced (unlike mine) so there’s a whole built-in drama-full situation that I never banked on dealing with and am still struggling to navigate. On top of that, he is the youngest of three brothers, meaning that their dynamic is quite different from anything I’ve ever encountered.

All this to say that life never works out the way we picture it. What I try to tell myself to cheer myself up, though, is that if his family looked so good and perfect at first glance, and turned out to be so different under the surface, who’s to say it’s not the same for all of those other seemingly perfect families that I grew up admiring, fantacizing about and envying?

What we really see of other people is often just a moment, and so many things go into a moment: the specific situation you witness them in, their mood at the time, even your mood at the time! And maybe these same people look back at us and our lives and, without seeing what we find imperfect in them, envy and admire them for something we ourselves don’t even notice?

That may be, as you yourself hinted, the secret behind your FSIL passive aggressiveness. I hope you’re able to continue dealing with the unpleasantness that comes your way with the same understanding and poise! Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
1497 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

My therapist used to tell me “Facebook is where people can pretend they have the lives they wish they had.”

 

I had to block my ex’s brother and sister-in-law because they were so rude. She would always be in competition with me (“My husband is better than his brother. My boobs are bigger than yours” Uh yea, no. Your husband has cheated on you since day one, is on steroids, and you’re also 200 pounds heavier than me, so yea, your boobs are bigger.). He also ended up calling me a retarded c*nt. It was such a blessing when we broke up because I didn’t have to deal with them anymore. 

I think you’re definitely doing the best you can to deal with them. Some people just suck. 

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