Post # 16
aregularanon : you DO NOT have to include anyone you don’t want to in your wedding party – and there is no rule that you have to include future siblings. there is no bad blood whatsoever bewteen me and my SIL (who is also DH’s only sibling), we are the same age, but i did not include her in my wedding party. she’s simply just not one of my close friends. it seems that whenever people try to include future in-laws in the wedding party that they’re not actually friends with, it just leads to drama.
Post # 17
Hey y’all. I didn’t think I would be posting an update because I really didn’t think that a post like this would warrant one, however, I just have to spill what happened the other night and I cannot hold it in because it was so totally BIZARRE!
So on Tuesday it was FH’s birthday, so we went to his parent’s house for dinner because it’s a tradition and his grandpa had just flown in from across the country. All of the guys, minus grandpa, were outside so it was grandpa, Future Mother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law and myself just chilling in the kitchen talking and getting dinner done. Out of the blue, Future Sister-In-Law goes “Didn’t [ex] get those coasters on the table for us when she went out of the country?” Future Mother-In-Law immediately looked super embarrassed and was like “I was hoping nobody would ask where those came from…..” They started mumbling under their breath about it and like peeking at me, so finally grandpa goes “who is [ex]?” and Future Sister-In-Law goes “oh that’s FH’s SUPER serious, long-term ex-girlfriend.”
Here’s where I rant. 1.) IT’S FLIPPING COASTERS!!! Are you kidding me?? Do they really think that I would flip out over something that was GIFTED to them from someone else? Let alone something as small as COASTERS? It actually is a really thoughtful gift – it is printed with the family crest. Why on earth would a gift bother me? If they still had pictures up of her – okay, that would bother me. It’s literally coasters. If this conversation had been prompted and brought up and dropped maturely, I would not have even thought twice about this. 2.) What was accomplished by bringing it up to begin with? We were talking about how excited my family is for the wedding. Nothing in there warranted that. 3.) I’m going to break down ‘“oh that’s FH’s SUPER serious, long-term ex-girlfriend.”’ SUPER serious & long term = dated for a little over a year in high school and a little bit of college.
Bees, it was so awkward that wise-crack-has-a-comment-for-everything grandpa did not say a word. Even when it got WEIRDLY quiet. Easily top 3 most awkward moments of my life, for absolutely no reason. It got so weird over a gift. Future Sister-In-Law kept hanging onto the conversation so it just got WORSE.
My favorite part about this entire story is that later, after we left, I told FH about it because it really left a bad taste in my mouth that it got SO weirdly awkward, and ex didn’t even buy those coasters for the family – his mom’s sister did when they went to Norway… So for a quick summarization, the entire situation was built up and lingered for absolutely no reason. Honestly I’m just really annoyed that this whole thing was brought up for absolutely nothing, and that it got so awkward so fast. As if I can’t have a mature conversation about it (which none of them have asked for my point of view in the legal situation, btw).
/rant . Sorry for a long one! I think this situation pretty much cleared up my thought process on whether or not she should be a bridesmaid!! Don’t need this extra drama.
Post # 18
You’re the one with the Fiance who comes home completely plastered when he goes out with his friends and projectile vomits everywhere? Bee are you seriously going thru with this wedding? You at least need to have a serious talk about his alcohol issues B4 you marry him.
Post # 19
Sorry. Safety and career trump niceties. You are not obligated to include her and your fears she will give details to your stalker/harasser are legitimate.
She can be an usher.
Post # 20
sablescorpion22 : Exactly.
OP, your relationship has the vibe of a train wreck about to occur.
Post # 21
aregularanon : I completely understand your concerns Bee. Especially with #1. I wouldn’t want to give her any major details either. If you are that concerned and really believe she may give out wedding information to this crazy ex, I would not ask her.
However, if you are worried about causing issues with your relationship with her and the family by not involving her, perhaps you could ask to her be an older flower girl? Originally I was going to do that with my sister in law. I wanted her to be involved, but didnt have room for her as a bridesmaid.
If you already have a family member that is going to be a flower girl, perhaps you can ahve the sister escourt her down the aisle? Or perhaps she could give a short speech at the reception. That way she can feel involved in the wedding, but you’re not required to provide her with a ton of details.
If you do end up asking her to be a bridesmaid, I would limit the informaiton flow to her. Only give her the most basic information for thigsn and only when she absolutely needs it. I would avoid giving advacne notice of anything. Rehersal dinner? Tell ehr the week before at most. Wedding prepping? Again, only a week or a few days notice.