(Closed) FSIL asked me not to be there…

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1503 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Hrm, I think it’s weird since you’re going to be family.  My feelings would be hurt 🙁

Post # 4
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m hoping there’s some kind of reasoning behind this, as it seems pretty rude. It’d be understandable if you had just started dating her brother, but you’re engaged and about to be a part of that family. Also, if it’s for “family time,” then why isn’t your Future Father-In-Law going to be included in that? 

Post # 5
3038 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would definitely take that the wrong way! You’re engaged to be married; you’re not some girl that he meet last week! I think you should go up as a unit. If she really wants family time, well tuff, you’re family too and should be welcomed as well!

Post # 6
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would definitely be hurt by that since she singled you out to not be included.

Post # 7
3567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m sorry but what the need for family time during the wedding? That sounds weird to me. Is your Fi in the wedding?


Post # 8
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I would let her know your feelings, and let her know that since you are apart of the family, that she is going to have to include you in important events like this one, and that you and your Fiance are “a team”, you come as a team, I would also talk to my Fiance and let him know my feelings and see if he can possibly try to figure out why and try to find the best solution! Good luck and I hope this helped! 

Post # 9
1540 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

can she explain why she wants it that way? Maybe she just wants extra time with her immediate family that raised her on her wedding day….I would be hurt if I was in your shoes, but just try and find out her reasoning behind it. It may be hurtful, but her brother is her brother, and if she wants time with him on her wedding day, you can’t really argue right? I always take the backseat at others weddings because I totally think it’s their day and they can have it whatever way they want it, whether it offends me or not.

Post # 10
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Your Fiance didn’t ask her why she didn’t want you there? Have you had issues with her in the past? This is very odd and I would feel offended by this.

I would have Fiance contact his sister to have her elaborate as to why she doesn’t want you there. If she is just nervous about having a lot of extra people or just wants your FI’s support for the hour before the ceremony, have Fiance tell her that it doesn’t work for you to come separately (you don’t have to elaborate as to why) but you are willing to entertain yourself for the hour before the wedding so she can have time with your Fiance and not feel overwhelmed with additional people being present (if that’s what it is).

If she is just being rude, Fiance should just tell her that he isn’t going to do that to you and she should consider how she would feel if did this to her and her Fiance. Then go together to the place but, again, entertain yourself for an hour at the venue until it starts (bring a book, walk around, get a drink or snack at a nearby restaurant, etc).

Post # 11
9916 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

How the hell early is he supposed to go?  11am is already early.  Just be like, um, yeah okay, and go with him…


Post # 12
3302 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Not cool.  Forget speaking to your Future Sister-In-Law, this has to be taken up w/your Fiance. He should tell her no, that you are both a package deal.  That’s what engagement/marriage means.

Post # 13
2267 posts
Buzzing bee

View original reply
@AllieLaLa:  “I’m hoping there’s some kind of reasoning behind this, as it seems pretty rude. It’d be understandable if you had just started dating her brother, but you’re engaged and about to be a part of that family. Also, if it’s for “family time,” then why isn’t your Future Father-In-Law going to be included in that?


That is really rude and makes no sense. Even if she wants some alone time with her brother/immediate blood realitives, why can’t you drive up with Fiance and then give them some space – surely there’s something you can do/another room you can be in while she has a few private minutes…

Did your Fiance say anything to her?

Post # 14
1900 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I can understand why you would be hurt, but it’s not like she’s trying to keep you out of the wedding entirely! As other posters said, perhaps she just wants some alone time with her family (or just her brother) for a particular reason.

Also, it’s possible that she heard you and your fiance were planning on arriving at 10am, but she wants him there earlier for some reason, and he wouldn’t be able to get there early enough if he was waiting for you. Perhaps she needs an extra pair of hands setting up, or maybe she wanted him to be an usher or provide some other kind of assistance.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn’t want to offend you. If your relationship with your Future Father-In-Law is really so bad that you cannot handle an hour long car ride with him (I don’t think I could handle an hour along with my Future Father-In-Law either!), then speak about that with your fiance and try to arrange another way for you to get there.

Post # 15
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Yea I’m not understanding this “family time” thing either.   I would definitely be offended as well. I would just say you will be going with your fiance but you can find something to do prior to the wedding.  That way you don’t have to experience the awkward car ride with your Future Father-In-Law (and why is he not included in this family time either?) but you are still respecting her (rude) request.

Post # 16
9120 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

Yeah that’s a bit of a bitch move.  I can understand her perspective a little, but still.  I’d have your Fiance tell her that nope, you two want to drive together and you’ll both show up whenever works best for her.

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