(Closed) FSIL asked me not to be there…

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

(((Hugs))).  I went through something similar with my former SIL, at least yours isnt disinviting you completely. Mine did, and for a really stupid reason

Post # 19
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

@Nic01:  Yeah that’s kinda raggedy of her, honestly. I don’t blame you for not wanting to take part in the drinking portion of her Bachelorette. If I were you, I’d be ticked to the point of not showing up. But then again I get super defensive, since I had issues with my ex in-laws a few times.

Post # 21
Member
370 posts
Helper bee

@Nic01:  I think that is plenty of time. Kill the wench with kindness, maybe she’ll feel like a terrible brat for treating you like that. You are marrying her brother for the love of Zeus.

Post # 22
Member
502 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Gosh that’s sad. Weddings should make everyone feel included.

My family has always viewed someone’s partner as an extension of that person, if they are included then so is their partner no matter what. Has there been any issues with her in the past?

I would be hurt. I love doing things together with my partner and as a family. I would be sad if I were made to drive to a wedding seperately to him 🙁

Post # 23
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Did she maybe word it wrong or your Fiance misunderstand. I would think that this is a bridal party thing. I can understand a bride not wanting people other than bridal party members around as she gets ready.

I would probably get your Fiance to clarify or chalk it up to that. I mean unless Future Sister-In-Law is a member of your bridal party would you invite her to be there when you get ready?

Post # 24
Member
2 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I seem to be in the minority here but I say try not to take it personally.  If your relationship with your Future Sister-In-Law is usually good then she probably hasn’t meant to hurt your feelings.  She may want to avoid stress by not being crowded on the morning of her wedding whilst getting ready and just having her wedding party with her who know how best to keep her calm (I saw that you said her Fiance is a ‘brides-man’).  I’m not saying that you in particular would be a cause of her stress but in my experience I know I was very sensitive and anxious during the whole planning process, especially the final few weeks.  Being a bride everyone seems to have a different opinion about all aspects of what is supposed to be your ‘special day’.  Brides are the focus of so much attention and all anyone wants to talk about is weddings, some will love this but remember it can be a tough thing to experience for others.  It’s one day, in fact only a couple of hours in the morning she’s asking for with her brother and the rest of the bridal party.  Let her have her ‘alone time’, your Future Father-In-Law isn’t going to be there either so it really doesn’t sound personal or a specific problem with you.  Everyone is different, what you would do on your day is not necessarily what the next person would do on theirs.  Go to her bachelorette party and have lots of fun and enjoy it – if you leave early the only person who misses out is you.

Post # 25
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I am already considered one of the family in my fiance’s home, so I don’t get the “family time” thing either. And for that matter, my fiance is considered one of us on my side too, so it goes both ways. But, since you said you and your Future Father-In-Law don’t mesh well, there is apparently known “strains” in the family dynamics here…but, that shouldn’t mean you are excluded from family events because you are practically family. I know you aren’t officially family, but come on, it’s 2013 so let’s put the formalities away.

I’m going to have to, as much as I hate to do this, assume there is a history between you two, or that she’s a weird bird who does weird birdy things sometimes. 

Post # 26
Member
2188 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2024

I think your Fiance needs to say to his sister that you are going to be his wife and you are family and if you can’t go then he won’t go. She needs to see that she doesn’t have a hold over him.

Post # 27
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee

I would call her to “double check” that that’s what she really wants. There is a chance that your Fiance misunderstood, but if not I think she should have to explain to you directly why she doesn’t want you there. How rude!

Post # 28
Member
9089 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I don’t think my feelings would be hurt, but I would raise an eyebrow at them. If we’re going to the same place anyway, why does it matter when I show up?

Meh. I’d go anyway, but I’m spiteful.

Post # 29
Member
1853 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@Nic01:  I’d be hurt, but I’d rent a car and go alone. If I had a rocky relationship with someone I would NOT want to be in a car with them for an hour.

Any chance becasue he’s a bridesman that they are doing “bridesmaids” getting ready pictures and she wants only the bridal party there?

Post # 30
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center

if your Future Sister-In-Law is the bride then see if you can do it. 

Post # 31
Member
7369 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Sugarplumb:  I kinda agree, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t feel some kinda way about how it was phrased but the reality is he is part of the bridal party. So whatever start time she wants to spend with the bridal party, she’s entitled to. I wouldn’t want to get ready with ppl who arent’ in the bridal party either.

As for being tit for tat on the bachlorette, i think thats just petty. At the end of the day two hours or so without you FH isn’t going to kill you. 

The topic ‘FSIL asked me not to be there…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors