(Closed) FSIL bought my dress without me there!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@loch_ness:  OOf, not a fun situation. I’m so sorry. 

Sounds like a tired, stressed bride was bullied into making a snap decision.

The good news is there is a graceful way out. Since they got you the wrong size, they would need to change the order anyway. Since it isn’t even available in your size, you clearly can’t buy that particular dress. No one looks good in ill-fitting clothing. At this point, the bride probably just wants the dress shopping to be over.

You can explain that politely to the bride, and maybe suggest that since the other bridesmaid loved the $188 dress so much, maybe it could be possible for you to wear two different dresses. Maybe you could end up wearing the Nordstrom dress after all. The alterations are so expensive that it will be so economical for you to get that dress. You might be able to persuade the bride by saying that you could use the money saved on alterations to get that brooch or whatever. Matching shoes is a good idea, especially if you end up wearing different dresses, but there’s no reason the shoes need to be crazy expensive, and unless the brooch is made of diamonds, it should be cheap too. If you go the economical way, no one will be able to tell the shoes are from Payless and that the amazing brooch is a DIY you all made at a fun get-together with supplies from Michaels and a hot-glue gun. The tough thing is, it’s not your wedding, and the bride sounds so stressed she is probably at the point of just wanting to pay every vendor to stop subtly criticizing her wedding. You can’t go wrong with asking politely and offering to solve the problems.

Post # 4
3580 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Hbanan has a point.  Let ‘Boobs’ have her dress and you have yours, if the bride will let you.  And it really does sound as if the bride could use some help with solutions and dealing with steamrolling folks right now.  Maybe you can be her interference for a while.

And ew…hate when BM’s make it all about them.

Post # 6
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

It sucks that the whinest, bitchiest people get their way. That’s how it always happens.  I am sorry that your Future Sister-In-Law didn’t have more of a backbone.  Maybe you could ask if she could pay for the alterations? Or make the shoes/brooch part of your gift instead of something else?

Post # 7
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hmmm…. maybe if Future Sister-In-Law is such a pushover you could call Boobs directly and work it out with her?  Are you the only two that will be wearing this dress?  Maybe she’s not aware of your financial position, and maybe you could talk her into something cheaper?

I just think that would be easier than asking an already stressed bride to pay for things she probably did not budget for.

Or, have you tried finding this dress in your size on the classifieds or on eBay?


Good luck!

Post # 9
2450 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

um… if it were me and they went out and ordered a dress FOR me in the WRONG size, i would refuse to pay for it. sorry, but the girls who made the order and signed the paper can pay for their own mistake.

Post # 10
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

To be honest, I sort of feel that trying to convince the bride to let you wear a different dress is making you just like the smaller bridesmaid. When I’m in a wedding, I don’t question what the bride chooses. It’s her day, and I’ll wear whatever she wants me to wear. I’m sorry you can’t afford to be in this wedding, but perhaps now is the time to let her know that so that you aren’t incurring additional expenses that you can’t afford, and she’s not out a bridesmaid closer to the wedding.

Post # 11
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@2PeasinaPod:   I agree with this completely. I’m also not following the math… the dress is $200, I fail to see how a few alterations, a brooch (costume, I’m assuming), and shoes come to at least $250. If they do, then tell the bride you’re sorry but you’ve reached your limit and can’t afford to be a bridesmaid. But IMO $200 is not out of line for a bridesmaid dress.

Post # 12
609 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013


Alterations are expensive.  I think ordering a dress for a bridesmaid in the wrong size and then telling her about it later is pretty out of line.


Post # 13
1992 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@loch_ness:  YIKES! Well you sort of got lucky that its in the wrong size, maybe you can just cancel it or something because spending your money/placing an order without you there is pretty messed up… ESP when they’re saying you have to pay to get it altered as well!  Since its Nordstroms, can you just return it?
Is she opposed to having different dresses but same color? That would help this situation 10-fold as every girl can get a dress for their body type/boob desires ;]

I think the bride needs to pipe up and say she doesnt like the dress at the very least!

I’m so sorry for your stress… WHY are Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses so expensive?!  :[

Post # 15
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

What a crazy situation! I’m so glad that the dress was bought at Nordstrom, though. They’ll work with you to make you a happy customer (and get the size that will work best for you). It’s great that the consultant has been so helpful–that’s what Nordstrom is known for.

Post # 16
1482 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Nordstrom is so helpful- I’m glad that they were able to help you find the dress in your size!

That being said, Nordstrom is also very wonderful with their return policy, so if the BRIDE doesn’t even like the dress, you should all keep looking!  Boobs Bridesmaid can have her pick of dresses when it’s her wedding day.

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