(Closed) FSIL boyfriend not coming to the ceremony

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you felt about me the way you feel about this guy, I wouldn’t go out of my way to attend your wedding either. Even if you think you’re not displaying it, people can pick up on these things. My advice is to stop being so judgmental, particularly about his career choices which have nothing to do with you.

Post # 4
Member
416 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@mrskrumpet:  yeah, from the $ perspective that would really bug me too. I don’t think people understand how much weddings cost until they start planning their own! My Fiance was asked to be in his best friends wedding (way before we met, he didn’t have a gf) and since he wasn’t seeing anyone they politely asked him not to bring a date. We were talking about this the other day and Fiance said at that time he thought it was a little rude but blew it off. Now that we are planning our own wedding he says he completely understands! Weddings are expensive!

Are you and your sister close? Maybe you can just try and talk to her and tell her how you feel? I know that could blow up, I guess it just depends on how strongly you feel about it. I agree I think it’s crappy there’s people that will come only to the reception and not the ceremony, but unfortunatly not all people understand the concept of etiquette…”grin and bear it” and try not to let it ruin your day.

Post # 5
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’d really try not waste any more energy worrying about this. He’s not family and you don’t even like him, so why do you care so much if he’s not there? Also, school is not like work, you really can’t just take days off. Sometimes there are in class tests, assignments, or lectures that really can’t be missed or made up later.

Post # 6
Member
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@LMD84:  My thoughts exactly!  OP – I understand you are frustrated and are just venting, but referring to your future sister-in-laws upcoming wedding as “a stupid destination wedding” proves exactly how a lot of people view other people’s weddings.  Weddings are a huge deal to the people involved, but to everyone else, it’s just another party.  Free party, I might add.  So try not to be offended, just be glad he’s making the effort to be there at all.

Post # 7
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

You could just as legitimately say that the purpose of a wedding is to celebrate the marriage. Not to see the actual moment of vows being exchanged. If you feel that way then what do you think about people who elope or have a small ceremony, and then a larger reception? This is really common and not a problem etiquette-wise. If you don’t like him, then you should be glad he won’t be at your ceremony.

Frankly, you sound pretty judgmental. I don’t see why you would fault a guy for changing careers at 28. Many people do it much later than that. What business is it of yours?

Post # 8
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would try not to stress about this too much… I know is frustrating to you that someone wants to come only to the reception and not the ceremony but it really isnt going to make any difference to you whatsoever on the actual day of

Post # 9
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am a massage therapist who went back to school to become one at age 26.  I was far from the oldest person in my class.  There was even a lady in one of my classes who was almost 60 and had grandkids.  Some people don’t know what they want to do “when they grow up” and some people just need a change after years in another industry.  He is going back to school to try to better himself and do something with his life.  So don’t begrudge him that…it makes you look very petty.

Also, people who go into massage as a career tend to be more sensitive to energies and emotion.  So even if you haven’t said anything, he’s probably quite aware of your opinion of him.  I don’t know the guy, but you’ve  said some pretty cruel things about him here.  I sure as heck wouldn’t take a day off of school for your wedding if I were him and had the smallest inkling of how you felt about me.

Post # 10
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@LMD84:  

@Miss Apricot:  

Agree and agree.  Wow . . . speechless.

Post # 12
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mrskrumpet:  I’m confused. I thought it was you and your fiance who lived in your in-laws’ basement suite. It’s Future Sister-In-Law and her boyfriend? Or you all live there?

Post # 13
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I’m 29 and have 1 more year left to complete my BS in psychology–I went back when I was 28 so I’d shudder to think what you’d think of me, allowing my fiance to support me while I make a career change later in life and even plan on going to graduate school at the age of 31.  Oh and for our wedding, we’re having it in the town we live in, where none of our family lives, so they all have to travel from out of state.  I should be ashamed of myself for not considering the convenience of everyone else before planning our wedding.

Seriously, get a hobby or a job or something to do with your time so that you have something better to do than judge other people’s life choices.  His school is more important to him than seeing someone who loathes him get married.  He likely wants to avoid as much of your condescension as possible but also feels an obligation to his future family to attend your wedding, so he’s doing the best he can without compromising his future.

Post # 15
Member
9687 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mrskrumpet:  It’s ok!  ((HUGS))  Thank you for explaining.  It actually does make it better.

Smile

Post # 16
Member
913 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@mrskrumpet:  OK. So this kind of boils down to an awkward roommate situation almost.

I can understand why you would be resentful of this guy and this is how it’s manifesting itself. However, it sounds like he’s done nothing wrong. Your wedding doesn’t really seem to have anything to do with your real issues.

Why don’t you just move out?

The topic ‘FSIL boyfriend not coming to the ceremony’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors