(Closed) FSIL boyfriend not coming to the ceremony

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

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@mrskrumpet:  I actually think you do have a reason to be upset. I think it is rude of someone to say they are coming, then decide to skip out on the “boring” part and just show up for the free party. That being said, I don’t think this is a big enough deal that it’s worth causing a rift in the family. I would recommend being the bigger person and just letting it go, because honestly when 6:00 rolls around and he waltzes in, you and your new husband will be on cloud nine and I doubt you’ll even notice him. Plus if there is as much to this back story as you make it sound, there may not be any destination wedding next year :o) 

Post # 19
21 posts
  • Wedding: November 2012

My sister is getting married in 10 days and my fiance is currently in medical school. He cannot take off the Friday before the wedding because of his school schedule so he will not be making it to the rehearsal. (He is 26). A school schedule cannot be rearranged — As a bride, we tend to think about it terms of ourselves and our wedding. I know it is hard, especially if you don’t like him, but people enrolled in school are working really hard to better themselves. You have to respect him for being in school and honor his schedule. I think it says a great deal that he is coming to the reception afterwards as soon as he is able to make it.

I know that it seems like a slap in the face — As hard as it may be, you have to realize that his presence will not alter your wedding vows and the person that you are standing up there with. The day is about you and your groom. Enjoy your groom and your day!

Post # 20
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

It sounds like your letting how you feel about him influence your perspective. It sounds like he has a commitment that’s important for him but that he wants to support your sister by still showing up for his sisters wedding, that’s it. I don’t think that means he’s showing up for the food, I’m sure he can buy his own food. Shrug it off there dare so many more important things to think of when planning a wedding:)

Post # 21
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe your Future In-Laws have an arrangement with him and Future Sister-In-Law you don’t know about.  He might not be mooching after all.  Plus, since he is going back to school he might not have the money to pay rent right now, perhaps he will pay them back once he finishes school.

I agree with PPs, I think you are letting your feelings about the situation cloud your judgement.  At least he is making the effort to get to part of your wedding.  And you don’t HAVE to go to their Destination Wedding next year.  No one has to go to any wedding, they aren’t required life events.

Post # 22
2861 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

There is no backstory in the world that makes it okay to call someone retarded. Seriously. Wrong and out of line. That’s extremely derogatory just FYI although if you are mature enough to get married you should be mature enough to realize how crappy that is. 

Post # 23
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Agreeing with

View original reply
@CallmeC: No matter what that person did to you, that gives you NO right to call someone retarded.

Post # 24
3683 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

He quit his job to go to school full time to become a massage therpist he’s 28 years old sorry but I think maybe you should have thought about that before you turned 28 (my opinion).

@mrskrumpet:  I kind of take offense to that.  I didn’t really know what I wanted to do for a career until I was 27.  I wanted to go back to school, but couldn’t afford it.  It’s only because of my being lucky that my husband got a job at a local private university and I don’t have to pay tuition that I was able to quit my job and go back to school full time at the age of 29. 

Lots of people go back to school as adults.  Some want a career change, some are forced to change careers because they can’t find work in their field.  Some people want a career and not just jobs, and need a degree to get that.  

It’s pretty mean to judge an adult for being in school.

Post # 25
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

OP, I would really like to try to better understand your point of view, but you are not gaining any sympathy by telling those who disagree with you that they are being “judgemental”. It’s hard for the readers of this forum to come over to your point of view if your feelings all hinge on this “long” backstory that you have yet to share.

We are not psychic, and cannot just guess what other elements there are to this story that would make us understand your point better.

As a 34 year old bride-to-be who JUST got licensed as a nail tech recently, in preparation for a full-time career change, your comment about age and going back to school comes across as harsh and snooty.

And if you were just looking for someplace to “vent your feelings”, and not the “judgemental” feedback you feel you got, then perhaps you should consider journaling instead of posting on a public forum.

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