(Closed) FSIL Boyfriend to dress like wedding party? Advice!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
925 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

yeah.. I don’t see why he needs to match the wedding party.. I would just say he doesn’t need to match the party since he’s not in the wedding party and tell him he can wear whatever he wants to wear.  I doubt he wants to match with the wedding party. If she wants him to match her.. then he can maybe wear a tie to match?

Post # 4
Member
1526 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

A friend of mine got married a few years ago and he didnt have one of his “no so close” friends be a groomsmen and this guy wore exactly what the groomsmen were wearing (a deep red shirt with black slacks) and it just made ppl uncomfortable, but it was mostly because he wanted to be a Groomsmen and wasnt ask so thought he would dress like them, different situation i know. Maybe you could suggest to her that he were complimenting colors rather than the colors of the wedding. 

Post # 5
Member
476 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Is your wedding party wearing tuxes or suits?

Post # 6
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yeah I think if you intentionally dress like the wedding party it is just weird since he’s not in the wedding party. It’s not a school dance where they should coordinate outfits it’s your wedding which he is not in. I would calmly tell her that you would appreciate it if he wore something else because the colors of your wedding are for the bridal party only. You don’t want people thinking he’s in the wedding party and you don’t your photographers mistaking him for a part of the bridal party. As far as his family telling him that he should match Future Sister-In-Law they really should mind their own business. Also the whole not clashing thing, they’ll have a few pics taken by their camera, Fiance has been in weddings and I haven’t matched and our pics look fine, unless they are thinking of hijacking your photog for a photoshoot of just them, a few pics where they don’t match 100% won’t hurt anyone.

Post # 8
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

i think if you told him yourself that you have no problem with him wearing a tie in a coordinating color.. maybe he’ll get the hint.. or just tell him he doesnt look good in purple and he should wear whatever HE feels like wearing. i dont know why his family is involved with his girlfriend’s brother’s family or wedding in any way, shape or form. I’m having this situation with our best man’s girlfriend. She is a huge problem in our lives because of how terribly she treats our BestMan and how little we actually like her as a person (aka tolerating her because she is our best friend’s gf) and they are at the verge of breaking up at all times.. but she wants to be included in our wedding.. she keeps asking what she can do to help and if she can be a reader in the wedding… and has emailed me pictures of what she wants to wear to the wedding… (it looks just like the bridesmaid dresses) and i have to work up the nerve to tell her that unless they are in great shape the month before the wedding, we’re not inviting her! BestMan has already agreed to this.. because there is no need for anyone to have stress or drama at our wedding.. but Girlfriend thinks Bridesmaid or Best Man is her ticket to all things KBsquared Wedding!

so.. i sympathize, but i think that since there is this one time in your life when you get to be picky and bossy… Tell them exactly what you want. You’re paying for pictures and you should get what you ask from the people you choose to put in your bridal party!

Post # 9
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’ve showed up to weddings where I (or other people) have ‘matched’ the wedding.  There are so many people attending and only so many colours that someone is bound to match.  If it bothers you that much, just tell them.  But it’s common for family members to ‘match’ the wedding so they fit into pictures.  Maybe they are just trying to follow that rule?

Post # 11
Member
276 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

We’re actually inviting anyone who wants to, to dress the same colors as our wedding party. (Peacock Colors: Sapphire Blue, Turquoise, Olive Green)  Granted, we’re having a really small wedding – but ultimately, I don’t really care personally what the guests wear.  I doubt I’ll be looking at anyone but my FH on my wedding day, anyway!

Post # 12
Member
5822 posts
Bee Keeper

I think you need to be much more direct.  Trying to hint anything when it comes to weddings is pointless because unless you are the bride, no one else is really thinking of anything but themselves.  Once you have finalized your choice in Groomsmen attire, tell Future Sister-In-Law the groomsmen will be wearing (XYZ).  Tell her you do not want her Boyfriend or Best Friend wearing anything similar because you don’t want the photographer to confuse him with the wedding party, and you are paying a lot for your photographer.  (Usually people only understand in terms of money.)  Then tell her instead what you DO want him to wear.  “Can your Boyfriend or Best Friend wear black slacks and a white shirt with a green tie?  That’s one of our colors, and it would really compliment your dress.”

I don’t know what culture she’s from (you hinted not American) so I think the best way to handle it is bluntly and directly.  And if he decides to show up wearing a Groomsmen looking outfit, you could have your Fiance bring a backup tie in green to differentiate him from everyone else.  Because at that point your Fiance would need to step up!

Post # 14
Member
790 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

We have actually asked our family to wear similar/complimentary shades to match the wedding party so our pictures look good. Maybe his family thinks that he should match the wedding party for the same reason?

Post # 15
Member
1154 posts
Bumble bee

I disagree, the bride gets to tell the wedding party what to wear yes but IMO she does not get to tell the guests what to wear other than a general guideline for formality.  I’d be offended/annoyed by a bride telling me what I can and can’t wear to her wedding if I wasn’t in the wedding party.  Since he seems to be concerned with doing the right thing you can hint about what you want but I’d keep in mind that the couples only gets control over the sartorical choices of their wedding party not the entire wedding.  Since the groomsmen will wear tuxes I don’t he will look like a groomsman and so what if he looks connected to the wedding party?  He is connected.  I don’t think the photographer will be confused as to who are the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Post # 16
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think he should try to match perfectly and agree that a purple shirt AND a purple tie is a bit much. But I think it should be fine if he just wore a white shirt with a purple tie? That way he doesn’t clash with his gf’s dress and he isn’t overly matching either. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding and my bf had a blue tie to match my dress and it definitely didn’t look like he was trying to be part of the wedding party. You could make that type of suggestion to him, that way it seems like you are being helpful and they won’t take it as an attack against them. I’m sure they are just trying to be helpful and thoughtful and I agree with Arachna that unfortunately I don’t think it would go over well to specifically tell people what to wear other than how formal it is.

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