(Closed) FSIL bridesmaid dilemma

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: Should FSIL be a traditional bridesmaid?
    Include her : (9 votes)
    64 %
    Don't include her : (3 votes)
    21 %
    Let the original bridemaids do it and avoid all drama : (2 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    434 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I posted this on the other thread, but I see you moved it so I’ll put it here, as well.

    That seems very long and complicated and I’m not sure what advice to give for the long run, but in the short term, you already asked his younger sister and Fiance has made a personal request to ask his older sister. I think you should sit down and say to your Fiance, look, you know this is how I feel and the reasons why are X,Y,Z, but I want you to know I’m including your sister because I want to extend more effort on your behalf. I don’t think you need to pretend to be fuzzy and warm, etc. etc., like you don’t have to have your Fiance totally fooled like all of a sudden you’re BFF with his older sister if the relationship isn’t there, but it’s your FI’s sister, you have known her for 10 years, and if no other reason than it is what your FH wants from you, you have to be the bigger person. 

    I’m sorry you were so hurt at her wedding, but you have a chance now to show that you have more class than that and be the bigger person – as annoying as it is sometimes.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3303 posts
    Sugar bee

    You don’t want to invite her, don’t do it. It is your choice, do what you want.

    Post # 5
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    This could be a great opportunity for you and her to get a better relationship. I think she would be incredibly honored to be asked to share your day with you. Maybe you could have her join you and the family members in your African ceremony and have just girlfriends in the one here? Let her know that you haven’t gotten the impression that she’s interested, and if not, that’s fine, but you would love to have her. If she doesn’t accept, then you did what you could and everyone should move on.

    Post # 6
    Member
    138 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I don’t fall in line with the thinking behind “your day, your way.”  Weddings are sometimes more about family.  I think you need to extend the offer as a sign of friendship and inclusion, given your Fiance history with her.

    Sometimes its NOT worth the lifetime of drama that can stem from not asking your Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid.  I got that advice from one of my married friends who went that route.  I am not at all close with my FI’s sister, but I felt I had to ask her or risk losing the peace.  I’ve kept my expectations of her very low, which turned out to be a great idea as she’s made little to effort to do the one thing I’ve asked her:  choose a dress and buy it.

    The topic ‘FSIL bridesmaid dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

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