(Closed) FSIL calling people 2 weeks before RSVP date….

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think the proper thing to do is just let it go. I am assuming she is calling about her own wedding…I am sure you want to help, but if she wants to be rude, let her be rude. It’s not a reflection on you and it sounds like she isn’t too open to feedback. I think if you continue to say things or intervene it will just cause problems with her.

Post # 4
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

She is being rude. If she wanted respsones quickly she should have set an earlier date. Calling people two whole weeks before the rsvp is pushy and is going to make them look bad. But if they want to behave like that I say let them they are the ones making themselves look bad.

Post # 6
12974 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

She’s being rude, but I’d just let it go.  You told her not to, she chose to ignore that.  It’s her wedding, after all…

Post # 7
1583 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@BellaDee:  Oh okay. I would definitely just not say anything and vent here. I would not call people before the rsvp date and try to separate myself from her planning as much as possible. Good luck!

Post # 8
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I would wait until after the RSVP date to start calling people. But I am assuing this is for her own wedding, so I would stay out of it. If her and her fiance want to handle it this way then I don’t see the harm (besides some guests simply not knowing if they are attending yet).

Post # 9
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

You gave her the proper advice and she decided to ignore you and be rude to her guests.  There is nothing else you can do other than come here and tell us so we can all talk about her.

If I were her guest and she called me two weeks before the RSVP deadline date I would assume that she was trying to obtain my regrets so she could invite more people.  So glad I made the list of people she didn’t want to come to her wedding even though she sent an invitation.  However, in all honesty, I put those suckers back in the mail the very next day if they are stamped and addressed so if I didn’t send in an RSVP quickly my friends and family would probably assume that my invitation or reply card got lost in the mail.

I guess it depends on how she phrases her conversation regarding the lack of RSVP.

Post # 11
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Honestly I think that’s fine. Some people may have completely forgotten so they need a reminder, and the sooner the better. 

Post # 12
314 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@BellaDee:  Ooooh I hate the idea of “b” lists for a wedding. It’s like saying “you’re only good enough to come if these people can’t…” and seems awfully gift grabby to me.

I think that she should have just waited for the RSVP deadline, even if people forgot, don’t just assume they forgot until after the date passes. Sometimes it takes people a while to figure out travel plans, babysitter, time off work, etc. and asking them about their RSVP before the deadline you gave isn’t respecting their time.


Post # 13
2605 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Agree with PP in that it’s not your battle, so don’t bother with it. 

However, also to echo PP, you are correct in that she is being rude. The assumption that people would return the RSVP upon receipt is naive–people have jobs, some have to arrange travel, some aren’t sure what their finances look like, some need a date, some have other things stacking up that month–in essence, people have lives. That is precisely why, as a host, you give your guests that extra time to figure their social calendars out. 

And although this is technically rude (because it does make one late to do this), there are a lot of people out there who read the RSVP date and that becomes their deadline, as in the deadline to put the RSVP card into the mail (which means it’s received a few days post RSVP date). I’m guilty of this–I have to literally cross out the RSVP date on the invite and write in a date that’s a week earlier so I can get it in on time (and my own invites read, “Please mail on or before XXX”)!

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