Post # 1
Okay, so I am in need of some unbiased advice. All of my family members, friends and random female co-workers are telling me I am in the right on this but for whatever reason my Fiance thinks otherwise.
My Future Sister-In-Law and I don’t get along. We probably never will. She doesn’t have any girl friends and has never had a real relationship (until about 3 months ago when I was TOLD he was coming to the wedding with her ). She is 30 and even though she is a MD, she just recently learned what an ATM is because her dad always puts money in her glovebox. She is helpless and whiny and snotty and just about everything I don’t like in people.
That being said, we are going to be SIL and so out of respect my Fiance I asked her to be a bridesmaid. She said she was shocked but accepted. In December, I emailed all of the girls and told them to pick out a dress in a color from Dessy. I am doing the mismatched thing so I want everyone to be different. I said first come first serve. All of my other girls promptly chose their dresses (months ago). My Future Mother-In-Law started getting on my Future Sister-In-Law to purchase a dress (our wedding is in September) and so about two weeks ago my Fiance showed me some texts my Future Sister-In-Law sent to him about the dress. Mind you, she only really communicates THROUGH him. Never with ME, even for bridesmaid stuff. He sent it to me anyway and she had two dresses she was torn between. One was my MOHs and the other I told her I loved from the start and no one chose so I would be so happy if she wore it. No response. Two days later, I get an bulleted email saying the four reasons she should get to wear the same dress as my Maid/Matron of Honor. 1) it is more age appropriate 2) it will be wearable to other functions 3) The woman at the store liked it 4) she took a poll at work and that one won. I reiterated that I really want everyone to be different, ESPECIALLY my Maid/Matron of Honor, and suggested some alternatives that were very similar. Then I got an email from the Future Mother-In-Law asking about a few other types to make sure no one was wearing them. Again, no email from Future Sister-In-Law. They went shopping tonight and finally found one, but in the meantime I finally told my Fiance how frustrated I was and how NO ONE ELSE (BMs, Mom, or FMIL) were so ridiculous. They all said, I will wear a paper bag if that is what you want. He thinks I am being irrational. He always stands up for her and I hate that he doesn’t support me. I am just asking to vent to him, not asking him to change anything about her. Ugh. I REALLY appreciate you reading all of this and really could use some advice.
Post # 3
This kind of comes with the territory of:
- being obligated to make someone your bridesmaid
- tell the bm’s they can choose (and then tell them their choices don’t work)
- make them pay for the dresses (can I assume this is the case?)
If she’s a doctor she’s probably just busy and not into being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She shouldn’t have accepted but probably felt that would have casued more drama. It’s annoying she isn’t contacting you directly but maybe she’s just not that friendly. Sounds like routine Bridesmaid or Best Man drama. I don’t really see you as being right or wrong in this case. Just a miscommunication about dresses.
Post # 4
Being in the medical field myself, I’m sure she doesn’t have a lot of time, which makes me think she shouldn’t have even accepted being a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Now that she has, she sounds like she’s being a bitch by demanding she gets her way. HOWEVER. Like the pp said, if you gave them the choice to choose their dresses, you shouldn’t then shoot down their choice. I see your point, but I can also see the situation she’s in.
I would let her wear the damn dress and tell her she’s going to look just like your Maid/Matron of Honor, no one else will be matching except them, etc, etc. If she STILL wants that dress, let her have it and get on with your day. And don’t let people choose things if you still want a say in the end :/
Good luck! And what’s with the money in the glove box? Entitled much? 😉
Post # 5
Another thing: I think it’s a red flag that your Fiance is sticking up for her and not you. You should talk to him about this (calmly, rationally) and explain how going forward, you and him are family and he should back you up when it comes to his family. THIS is more important than the actual dress issue IMO.
Post # 6
Is this really worth a family feud? If she wants that dress let her have it, unless you are covering the whole cost. No one else will notice or care honestly.
Post # 7
She sounds like a pain in the butt – yes, she’s in the wrong here, and emailing your Fiance instead of you over this stuff is totally passive aggressive. What bugs me most here, though, is that your Fiance always takes her side instead of yours. It should be the other way around. That’s more concerning than her being difficult, and you guys need to get this sorted out soon, because it’s going to get a lot worse after years of this sort of stuff.
Post # 8
Thanks everyone for your comments! I totally get the whole let them choose but final say issue, my ONLY requirement was that they would all be different. Although I probably would have let it slide if it wasnt my Maid/Matron of Honor.
As for the timing issues of her being so busy, it is true, she is busy. But we are both doctors, at the same stage in our careers. I would have completely understood if she said she would rather a different role.
And yes, I can deal with her as frustrating as she is. That is not the issue. I am really concerned about how my Fiance is handling it. I have been VERY careful about talking about this with him because I know it upsets him that we aren’t BFFs. I just kind of lost it tonight when I found out that he called his mom while they were dress shopping and he made a joke about how he hopes she finds one. It is JUST A DRESS. He is always taking her side and the wierd thing is they aren’t even that close. It is always me in the kitchen with his mom making dinner while she naps or watches TV and drinks wine. I LOVE the rest of his family. It just really hurts me that for whatever reason, when it comes to her, I am always in the wrong. I feel like I can’t confide or vent to the one person I am supposed to be able to 🙁 We are like a perfect team together, balancing well the 90:10 or 50:50 whatever it needs to be to make it work each week. But when it comes to this, I am in the dark completely.
Post # 9
I thought you were in grad school?
Post # 10
Sounds like the issue was resolved so whats the problem? not worth a family feud.
Post # 11
I do have to say that him sticking up for his sister over you could be a red flag. My exH used to do this all the time, she was amazing, the best thing since sliced bread, and it really caused issues. I get that she’s his sister, but if this is happening for more than a dress, you should make sure a line is drawn – he’s not marrying her, he’s marrying you. You should come first.