(Closed) FSIL DESTROYING OUR WEDDING PLANS

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 1
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well, My fiance and I anncounced our engagement in September 2011. Three days after our announcement, my fiance’s younger sister tells everyone she’s engaged too.. 

Quick back story on her situation- She (princess of the family) was living with a guy for 2 years, kicks him out a week or so before our announcement, starts dating someone else (insists she’s found “the one, this time”) ….we make our announcement, she dumps the new guy, and 3 days later claims she’s engaged to the guy she just kicked out. 

Not the easiest thing to comprehend. We know. 

We set our date immediately.. It was about a year away, time enough for our families to prepare financially, as well as for our 20+ out of town guests to prepare. My Future Sister-In-Law decides she must now get married 2 months before us. This upset my fiance tremendously. She has always DEMANDED the spotlight and talked down to him, like the princess she thinks she is.  My fiance feels like she isn’t even happy for him and god forbid She somebody else have any attention. 

We seem to be the only ones who care about the financial stress, and overall strain of having two weddings back to back when pretty much everyone from my fiance’s side of the family lives a thousand miles away.

So it is now Feb, and we’ve picked out color schemes, themes, tux & shoes etc… Somebody in the family let the cat out of the bag and she just ran with it. Our choice of colors are now hers, our favors, the very unique shoes for the wedding party.. everything that we customized to be different, she hijacked. Not to sound like a baby or anything, but we were really just trying to do things that were original and unique to our personalities. 

My fiance and I REFUSE to continue on with our plans, and have been forced to change everything so we don’t look like we stole the ideas (since her wedding is before ours) We are now not discussing any details with his family because we’re afraid she’ll steal those also. It’s pretty disappointing that his family can’t be involved in the planning anymore.

 Now we’re just forced to accept that thier side of the family is only able to show up to 1 of the 2 weddings.. Even worse, the guests are now forced to choose 1, the other, neither, or break the bank for both. (And they’re pissed)

This has caused so much drama, we’ve almost called the wedding off and settled for the courthouse. We love both of our families so much. We just want to have a beautiful time, that everyone can be a part of and enjoy. 

Anyone been through this? Or maybe a similar situation?

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Post # 3
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wowza! I’d have a few choice words for your SIL. But that aside…

If I were in your shoes, I would move forward as planned and keep your future in-laws out of it. You’re in a crappy situation but you can’t let Future Sister-In-Law throw you. Let your families decide what they can afford and don’t worry about it. Your wedding will be special because it’s your’s. No one can take that from you.

Post # 4
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Mrs.DBee:  Man oh man it really is crappy! And yeah, we had words once all the guys walked in to get fitted for their tux and the shop helper says, “you guys are the 2nd bridal party this week to get fitted for the same tux and colors.” The best man slipped the guy a $20 to tell us the last names of the other party that registered our EXACT outfits.. GUESS WHO! Even down the to cute Converses with an alternate shoe lace color. I mean jeez, ya took our shoe laces too lol

Post # 5
Member
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

Wow, sounds like your Future Sister-In-Law is a real piece of work.  I know that a lot of people will say that you “only have one day”, which is totally true, but it is sad that your Fiance is going to miss out on some of his loved ones being there.  I never think it is a good idea for two siblings to get married close together.

What really pisses me off about all of this is the fact that this girl has shamelessly stolen all of your details!  Even the shoestrings?  I mean, come on! 

I have not had to deal with this sort of situation… knock on wood… and I hope that I never do.

Just make sure that you NEVER tell any specific details to anyone else in your FI’s family.  They only need to know the date and time.  They don’t need to know colors, tux styles, flowers, NOTHING!

Post # 6
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Question? Who put their invite out first? You guys her her?  If it was me, since I am vindictive like this, (shame face)  i would get my invites out and back, wayyyyy before hers.  And I would neglect to give her one untill the last moment. Oops…. It must have gotten lost in the mail.

Post # 8
Member
24 posts
Newbee

I was in your shoes at the start of my wedding planning too. My FH brother is getting marry two months before us and we live in the same state but my wedding is in NJ where my parents live. At first my Future Brother-In-Law fiancee and i started discussing ideas but it same that she liked everything that i like so, I stop talking to her. Now, I dont tell her shit and I change all my ideas and not discussing it to any family member.

Post # 9
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Pinksapphire:  All we really want is our “one day” too! I just tell myself to keep calm. I really don’t know if she’s just a total biotch or if she hates me.  My Fiance thinks she’s jealous of our love and long lasting relationship. I’m just so afraid she’s going to ruin our day. 

Post # 10
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@imalittlebirdie:  Our Save The Dates went out the damn day she announced. (not on purpose, just kinda happened) 

Post # 11
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@creativeplannertobee:  I thought about moving the date up… But I’m thinking.. Let this bitch have it all, because hers will be said and done and all eyes will be on us from there on out. Also, my Fiance wants to go to the courthouse on our anniversary (in april) tie the knot and not tell a soul til the wedding day. Watch her jaw drop then.. 

Post # 12
Member
162 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I guess imitation is the most sincere form of flattery? 

I would be totally P-O aswell, it all seems very strange. My Future Sister-In-Law actually also got engaged after us, but the first thing she said was “don’t worry I’m going to start planning after your wedding, I don’t want to steal the spotlight from you guys”. So to hear a sister (and family) acting how you’ve described is quite disheartening. 

If I were you, I would just go on with my planning, keep his family out of it, and enjoy my wedding!! It will be fabulous no matter what!

Good Luck!

Post # 13
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@liz.couture:  imitation is fine.. Completely stealing is not! I just wouldn’t be able to face anyone if I did something like that! 

Thanks for the warm wishes!!

Post # 14
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

If the weddings are two months apart, people can go to both. My FI’s family has weddings in April, July, and August. The guest lists don’t overlap for all of them, but regardless- I can’t imagine one of his aunts or uncles saying “we can’t go to both weddings”- unless someone really is strapped financially, I wouldn’t worry too much about them- thankfully you sent your save the dates out, so as a guest I would plan on attending your wedding first, anyway.

Has/would Fiance call his sister out on some of this? The shoe laces would have been the last straw for me. She seems incredibly jealous and selfish (and I could think of a few other things, but I’ll behave.)

Keep your date, keep the details to your family, and you’ll have a fantastic day! 🙂 

Post # 15
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

I would talk to that little missy!

And keep on planning the wedding with that side of the family, a “fake wedding” that is… Let her spend all the money on what she thinks is supposed to be your theme… and surprise the bunch that comes to your wedding with YOUR real wedding!

I know – a lot of work planning 2 weddings, a fake one and a real one…

Post # 16
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

wow what a peice of work!! But like someone else said takle it as a compliment that she thinks all of your ideas are so wonderful she has to copy! Laughing

I would also remember why you are getting married and it is to spend the rest of your life with your Fiance. Well by the sounds of it she’s just doen all this on the bounce and off the back of ending the relationship only a few days earlier, more than likely her relationship will not last the distance. Unfortunately you will have to keep your planning to yourself but just think what a lovely surprise it’ll be for his family when they see what you’e produced!!

I hope she stops being such a nightmare and that you have a wonderful day regardless of he spectical!

xxx

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