(Closed) FSIL disowns my fiance and me over having our wedding 3 months before hers

posted 6 years ago in Family
  • poll: Who is in the wrong?
    Sister in Law : (86 votes)
    83 %
    Us : (18 votes)
    17 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Honestly… it sounds like something else is going on. I mean, without knowing everyone involved, it’s hard to say a simple “X is wrong”. Has your Fiance talked to his parents? Do you think she might be dealing with stress and just need some time to cool down?

    Post # 4
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    What a cuckoo. Personally, I’d ignore her tantrum and see if you still aren’t invited come December. This question comes up a lot on the Bee and I’ve never once seen that 3 months for siblings is considered ‘too close’. It sounds like they’ve had plenty of time to set a date, and they can’t expect you to all put your lives on hold for their wedding. You listed some pretty specific restrictions for when you can get married, so it sounds like you did your best to put some distance between the weddings.

    What do the parents think? Sounds like they are ok with it? Ugh, how rude and annoying!

    Post # 5
    Member
    647 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I don’t think a sibling can technically “disown” another sibling…

    I think your Fiance needs to speak with her (and possibly their parents) about where this is coming from, I would take a step back from it yourself.  Maybe she is just seriously stressed out and you’re the recipient of some misplaced anger?  

    Post # 6
    Member
    5657 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I would try and talk to her about this in person or at least over the phone. Be honest with her that you have no idea what this is about, but don’t accuse her of anything. Perhaps you did/said something and had no idea? Does your Fiance have any ideas about this?

    Post # 7
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    I am sure she is just upset since she is probbly hearing that people are already having to choose whos wedding to go to. Even though you have good reasons for picking the date you did, no bride wants there to be added stress in regards to their wedding. I am sure she just needs some time to cool off.

    “Her fiance goes out and leaves her alone at home quite often? We feel she is making a very big mistake that she is going to regret.:

    As far as that goes, maybe she can feel your judgements and doesnt want people around who don’t support her marriage.

    Post # 10
    Member
    3773 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 1999

    @kitty11:  I am glad you clarrified that. I read it a completely different way.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    @kitty11:  I’m wanting to agree with the other PPs the more I think about this……it sounds like something else is going on with her, there is no reason for her to ‘disown’ you over your wedding dates. I think if your Fiance wants to try to talk to her about it, then that might be a good idea, but if she isn’t receptive to it, then there’s not much you can do. I really don’t think you are in the wrong here, and she is completely overreacting. So until she realizes that, you can’t really do much.

    Post # 12
    Member
    868 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Yeah, it sounds like something is not quite right in her head.  I can get if you were both having a Destination Wedding and people had to choose, but honest to goodness.  She might be post partum.  I was post partum and did not even realize it until our youngest was about 6 months old.  I don’t think this is a matter of right and wrong.

    Honestly, I would send her an email saying that you’re sadded by her decision but that you respect it.

    Really.  Just that one sentence.  I bet you’ll get a big long email back from her and you’ll be invited again in two weeks.  Pregnancy and childbirth does NUTSO things to you.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1458 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2015

    I can see how or why she may be upset (there are tons of stolen thunder threads on here where the “special day” lasts +/- 3 months) but that doesn’t mean she is allowed to be upset.  Like you said, three months is quite a long time before hers.  It isn’t your fault she chose to have a 2+ year engagement, so she’s being ridiculous.

    Post # 15
    Member
    685 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    I was in a similar situation.  My sister got engaged 5 months after I did, but planned her wedding for 6 months before mine.  At first, I was really upset…after all, being engaged is a special time, and not to sound selfish, but I felt that she was “stealing my thunder.”  And to be honest, she kind of did.  Everything switched from my wedding to hers in a matter of minutes, and it was very hurtful.  But in the end, I realized that if I wasn’t going to be happy for my sister, than I was a horrible sister.  This is a happy time for the whole family, and I can’t let this stand in the way of our relationship.  

    I think that maybe your Fiance needs to sit down and talk with her, maybe get their parents involved, and talk about this.  In the end, she is being selfish-bottom line.  BUT, I would take into consideration the things that she is doing for her wedding, and make sure to not use any of the same ideas.  

    I think that she is being immature about it.  Telling you that you aren’t invited to her wedding??  Grow up.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1375 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    She gets one day.  You get one day.  She has no reason to complain about your wedding date.  Everyone plans their wedding for the times that work best for them as a couple, end of story.  It is not up to her to judge you for that.

    Also remember that goes both ways – so she has been in her relationship for less time than you.  So what?  That doesn’t make it any less valid.  I agree she is being unreasonable, but you did sound a little judgemental of her in your original post.

    You will have 2 different weddings and both will be lovely and special, regardless of how close or far apart they are in time.

    An aside, postpartum depression is very serious and if you think she is actually depressed, you need to talk to her or her family about it.  PPs, don’t blame this outburst on something like that, it runs the risk of negating someone’s clinical psychological disorder.

    The topic ‘FSIL disowns my fiance and me over having our wedding 3 months before hers’ is closed to new replies.

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