- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012
My future sister in law has recently sent my fiance and me an extremely hurtful email disowning us both and saying that we are not welcome at her wedding. We are not certain of her reasoning, as it seems completely illogical, but it seems that it has to do with us setting our wedding date 3 months before hers.
My Fiance and I have been together for 4 years and he just asked me to marry him at the beginning of December. A week before this his sister told him that she was planning on getting married at the end of November 2012. Once we were engaged and trying to plan a date, we realized that the only time we could have the wedding is the beginning of September (we have now set the date for September 1st). So there are a good three months between our wedding and hers (which is Nov. 29th). We had to do this for a number of reasons – 1) my work does not allow me to take off time from June-Aug (written in my contract), 2) we are getting married in a cold climate so can only feasibly get married beginning of september 2012 or wait all the way until the end of May – in which case we WOULD NOT be able to take a honeymoon bc of said contract, and 3) we do not want to wait 18 months from now to get married!
We told his sister about out date selection in person and she DID not express any problem – she actually seemed happy – asking me about how big it would be and the wedding dress, so we assumed there wasn’t a problem.
I’ll also mention here that she got engaged in fall of 2010, and has taken this long bc she got pregnant a month after the engagement. They have only been together for about 2 years.
She said a lot of hurtful things in the email about how we are not interested in her and her family and how inconsiderate we are of her feelings because we have booked our wedding “just weeks before” hers… it’s 3 months!! I also have loads of fb messages and emails of asking her about her pregnancy, arranging times to meet up, going to her babyshower, telling her congrats about her engagement, baby etc.
I even begged my boss to let me take UNPAID leave to go to her wedding. We are not stealing her spotlight – we would only have her parents as the same guests, and they have already said they are going to both. Her aunt said she wouldn’t be able to make it to both, so we told her to go to the sister’s wedding – we told guests to go to hers! Isn’t that considerate???
She said in an earlier email that she wouldn’t be able to come bc she did not have enough holiday left… and they have enough money, so we don’t understand why we have been disowned. This is what the last few lines of her email were:
“You have no idea how much you’ve hurt me. I feel so sad that because of the way you disregard me it’s come to this. With a heavy heart I need to explain, you and (your fiance) are no longer welcome at our wedding. I see no reason in trying anymore to forge a relationship with you when it is clearly not reciprocated, so from now I will not attempt to be a part of your life. Im sure this letter with have little or no impact on your lives, but it’s a weight off my shoulders that I don’t have to worry about you anymore.”
Where is this coming from??? Please I need honest opinions. Have we done something wrong? Her baby is only 7-8 months old – could it have to do with the stress of that? She also recently went back to work? Her fiance goes out and leaves her alone at home quite often? We feel she is making a very big mistake that she is going to regret. We are very insulted and hurt at her comments, but we are willing to forgive her, but we don’t know if she will come around. We spoke to the father and he is going to speak to her.. hopefully we will find out more, I will let you know.