(Closed) FSIL due around wedding

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour

I can see why you’d be upset, but at the same time – being in a wedding doesnt mean putting your life on hold. I’m sure she wishes she would be able to attend, but I am also sure that she is not upset about getting pregnant. 

Just take a step back and relax. You have time to replace her if you’d like. 

Post # 4
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@bonvivanti:  don’t you think she could have planned a bit better?

You do realize that she may not have had complete control over when exactly she got pregnant, right??

It sucks that she can’t be in it and may not be able to attend but PP is right…being in a wedding does not mean you are required to put your life on hold for the bride. I also don’t understand how her sister being in a wedding will put a wedge between your relationship unless you choose to create one.

Post # 5
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry, but it seems like you are upset that she got pregnant when she did and she should have planned to give birth further from your wedding. I love my sister, I love my friends, but I would NEVER plan a pregancy around when they are getting married. When my Fiance and TTC, we will TTC every month, regardless of what will be going on 10 months from then.

I think the only way there will be a wedge between you and this Bridesmaid or Best Man, will be if you chose to create one. If she can’t make it to your wedding, that is unfortunate, but it’s not like she is faking an illness or unwilling to make the drive or flight.

I also think you should count your blessings that she gave you so much notice she couldn’t be in the wedding. There are people who would have waited until it was too late to find someone else to say that.

Sorry to be harsh your first post, but I just find this a little silly.

Post # 6
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sure she feels bad about not being able to attend. Just keep that in mind and try to enjoy your wedding without her.

Post # 7
Member
2651 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I agree with pp. The fact that she told you guys she was pregnant and wouldn’t be able to be in the wedding BEFORE she told her husband I think is amark of howmuch she cares for you guys. If you let this drive a wedge between you or between her and her husband the Olny one to blame will be you guys not her. 

Post # 8
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

My life doesn’t stop because someone is getting married, nor do I feel the need to time a pregnancy around it. Sorry! Get over it and wish her well, I’m sure she would do the same for you.

Post # 9
Member
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Yes, it’s disappointing she won’t be a bridesmaid or able to attend your wedding, but you can’t get a better reason than that! She didn’t get pregnant to spite her brother- rejoice in the blessing of your future niece or nephew!

Post # 10
Member
6830 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree, with PP, everyone’s lives do not stop when a wedding is to be planned. I would get over it and move on. 

Post # 11
Member
331 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I have two bridesmaids that are pregnant or ttc right now.  I don’t think my wedding is more important than their plans.   In fact, when the first bridemaid told me she was pregnant I jumped up and down. 

And anyway, you don’t even know if she was ttc… it might have been a happy accident, and then you REALLY can’t hold it against her, not that you should hold it against her anyway.

Post # 12
Member
1557 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You should not expect somone’s life plans to be put on hold because you are getting married, it’s one day. She’s creating another LIFE. I know your wedding is special but in no means do I think it compares to your FSIL’s sitaution. I’m sure your Fiance understands and just hopes that his sister and neice are happy & healthy.

Post # 13
Member
875 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry, a baby trumps a wedding. You are being really selfish here. You can’t exactly plan a pregnancy. 

Post # 14
Member
891 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just plan your wedding and be happy about the expected baby! As pp’s said, life goes on, and a pregnancy is one of those things that can’t be planned:)

Post # 15
Member
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

‘she could have planned a bit better’

 

?!?!? Pregnancy is not exactly something you can plan to a T. For all you know, she’s been trying for a while and was maybe expecting to have a several month-old baby by the time of your wedding, or she got pregnant much faster than she thought. Maybe she thought she would only be a few months along.

I’m sure she’s sorry that she can’t make it, there is no reason for this to put a wedge between you.

Post # 16
Member
359 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I agree that you shouldn’t be upset with her for getting pregnant or bowing out of the wedding. She cannot put her life on hold just because your having a wedding. But I do not agree with other posts that having a baby trumps a wedding. IMO popping out a kid really doesn’t make you all that important. In any case the two occasions are equal in merit weddings in most cases are joyous celebrations for the entire family, and having a baby can be also. I just think to propose that someone’s pregnancy is more important than someone’s wedding is just preposterous. The two events deserve equal recognition. For me I do not plan on having kids so there will only be a wedding.

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