Post # 1
Oh the relationship that is the in-laws: sometimes fun, sometimes overbearing and sometimes straight up rude, selfish and inconsiderate!
As the subject line suggests the bone I have to pick here is with my Future Sister-In-Law (soon to be fiance’s brother’s girlfriend). I have recently found out via my FFI that she is jealous of me (although I’ve always suspected this)…thinks that FFI family likes me better than her, that I spend more time with them and am their “favourite”. It’s not my fault that my FFI actually invites me over more often (a lot more often than her) but yet I’m made out to be the problem here!
She can sometimes be so nice to me (fake nice, clearly) and other times be so rude in a passive-agressive way by not including me in activities or ignoring me if we are all out together, which is rare. What’s more, I’ve noticed FFI’s brother (her BF) has these mood swings with me too…he can be so nice when she’s not around or isn’t about to see her or talking to her on the phone (apparently this is an issue they fight about a lot) in the recent past but when she’s there, its like he deliberately acts rude-doesn’t acknowledge my presence or neglects to engage me in conversation, even though I try to be polite, friendly and talkative (or used to). Now, I just feel like its a lost battle so I don’t even make the effort.
Sometimes, I just wish those two would break up (then my problem would be sovled!!) but then I realize that its a mean thought-although they haven’t had the best history so it is a definite possibility. I don’t know how to fix this situation, I want nothing more than to have a positive relationship with my future in-laws but how can I do that when there’s so much jealousy and negativity surrounding me!?? I haven’t done anything wrong except be there! Any suggestions Bees? I have tried to be nice and even try to not be in positions where it would appear that I’m the “favourtite” it seems nothing works …there is so much anger in her that I see it seep through her fake smile! UGH!
Post # 3
Stay out of it, don’t think about it and go about your business. Either she will go or she will stay and everyone will eventually see the real problem and her true colors.
Be sure you don’t bad mouth her to your FIL’s. That only makes you sound worse.
Post # 4
Spend time with her! do you spend time with your Future In-Laws without your FI? Maybe you could initiate some ‘girl time’ with Future Mother-In-Law, Future Sister-In-Law and you!
I doubt she has a problem with you personally, she’s probably just reacting negatively because she doesn’t feel as accepted by the family and, like you said, is jealous.
So set out to show her that you’re not the bad guy by making friends. Bonus is that you get to have a new friend 🙂 maybe one who will be like your sister some day!
Post # 5
Thanks for the advice ladies!
@daydreamwanderer—> I don’t think spending time with her would solve anything, like I said we don’t c eachother very often except for special occasions. I think I will just hope that things will change or they will break up (looks like it may be headed that way given they’ve had reoccuring problems). I know its mean, I’m usually a sweetheart but when someone wrongs me then WATCH OUT! lol
Post # 6
If they aren’t engaged, don’t worry about it. It sounds like she’s jealous of your life, and you can’t change your life just to make her happy. Continue to kill her with kindness and your Future Brother-In-Law too! Eventually everyone will get tired of her (including the FBIL) and she’ll go away. I’m sure once the wedding is over a lot of this will die down if she’s still around.
Post # 7
@MightySapphire—-> Wow, that response was just what I need to hear, its what the Boyfriend or Best Friend has been telling me all along… CRAZY!!! Its as if you personally know us, I guess when you hear it from a non-objective party it makes all the difference
Post # 8
Crazy Bee, I really understand how you’re feeling, I have written about this a lot on here too and have SUCH a similar situation to deal with. It’s the same facts, she was the girlfriend of my fiance’s brother, she acts jealous and crazy about the two of us, has never accused me of being the favorite, but I’m sure it’s just that I haven’t heard about it. This girl is significantly older than I am and this is her second marriage, which I know she is insecure about. She constantly talks to me like I’m a child (I’m almost 30), is condescending about the wedding decisions I make, and just is generally rude and intentionally tries to make me feel uncomfortable because she’s so unhappy with herself and insecure about her own life choices. She’s created a really competitive situation between us because she booked her wedding reception before she was engaged for the same day that my fiance and I had told her we wanted to get married and now they’re using the same officiant as us and staked claims on other vendors like bands. It’s just a horrible situation that you’re in and I really feel for you. I don’t ever know what to do about it either, I just feel like there’s no way out of it. Some people are selfish, insecure, and pathetic, and all we can do is not let it bother us. I just pretend like she doesn’t exist most of the time, it seems to work!
Post # 9
Thanks for sharing Ruby Falls. Its kind of disheartening to know that someone else is experiencing this same predicament but at the same time assuring to know I’m not going through this alone. It would be so much easier if everyone could just get along!
If you ever need to rant feel free to message me and we can share our “witchy” stories about FSIL!
Post # 10
You said you only see her on special occasions, therefore, she should be irrelevant to you. Be pleasant and polite every time you see her but don’t go out of your way to change the way she feels about you. Just focus on the people that want you there like your Fiance. Just ignore and put up with her nonesense for a while I am sure she will go away eventually and don’t let it get to you!
Post # 11
In this case, I have to go with the fact she’s just a Girlfriend. Be cordial but you don’t need to go out of your way.