(Closed) FSIL Is Not Invited to Our Super Small Wedding and Feels Left Out

posted 3 years ago in Guests
Post # 76
1537 posts
Bumble bee

Wanted to also ask: how soon is this trip? At first I assumed you all had done the inviting of guests alrdy but now I’m not sure when I reread it. What if some people just can’t or don’t want to join you all in Vegas? Room for Future Sister-In-Law then?

Post # 77
751 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I’m on FSIL’s side. If you’re having a super small wedding, or a huge one even, rule number one is not to discuss it with people who aren’t invited lest they be offended or assume they are invited. It appears that all of the above has happened. Yay.

Honestly, I get that you want to have a fun weekend with friends or whatever, but at a minimum, it should be siblings/parents of you both (assuming good relationships with all), and then your 5. I think it is astoundingly rude to invite your sister, and then talk about it in front of HIS sister, and not invite her.

You guys could even keep the wedding small (parents, sibs, and your 5 each..that’s still not more than 20 people probably) and then spend the rest of the weekend doing all your friend stuff like you wanted.

I assume you thought everyone would take your side on this but yeah…it’s rude. Sorry girl.

Post # 78
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

You and your fiance made a very thoughtless and selfish decision. She has every right to be hurt, and you two should rethink your plan. 

Post # 79
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

To be honest, Future Sister-In-Law should be taking this up with you Fiance and not you. You chose your five, it should be on him to choose his.

This isn’t exactly the same but: My Darling Husband was slow to ask his brother to be a groomsman. They get along but arent close. My now-SIL was talking to ME about it instead of my now Brother-In-Law talking to his own brother about it. Side note: my Darling Husband ultimately asked his brother to be a groomsman and we had odd numbers but that was ok.

My point is you shouldnt be the one under fire here. YES I can totally understand why your Future Sister-In-Law is upset because you happened to include your sister in your five…but it IS NOT your fault/problem that youd Fiance didnt choose his sister to be in his five.

Post # 80
229 posts
Helper bee

So, I’ve kinda been in your FSIL’s shoes.  My brother eloped — or rather, they called it an elopement, but really my parents were both there.  So it was an immediate family, minus me, wedding.  I got a text with a picture of them after the ceremony; it was a complete surprise.  I was really happy for him but my Darling Husband had to hold me while I cried because I felt so left out and hurt that he didn’t want me there.  Of course it was his wedding, and I’d never say anything to him about my hurt feelings (what’s done is done; he can’t undo it so what does it matter?), but yeah, it sucked to be left out.

On the flip side, I had a very small wedding myself.  It was just immediate family (parents + siblings and their spouses/FIs), and both me and my Darling Husband had extended family that were a little offended.  But… it was family members that we never see, never hear from, and just frankly aren’t at all a part of our lives or express interest in our lives.  So you have to decide for yourself whether you getting the wedding that you want is actually hurting people that are in your lives and love you, or it’s just crankity relatives who are pretending to be butthurt for no good reason.  It sounds like Future Sister-In-Law is closer to being in the former group, but it’s your wedding and it’s up to you.

IMO, the “best of both worlds” option would be to have this friends (+ your sister) trip, and elope at another time (with JUST the two of you).  That would probably be far less hurtful to your Future Sister-In-Law.

Post # 81
2160 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

It sounds like you’re trying to ”get married without making any kind of deal out of it” and also ”have a fun trip to Vegas with your friends”. Your mistake is trying to combine the two.

You’re much better off doing the followng:

1). Going down to the courthouse with your Fiance, both sets of parents and your siblings, and saying ”Yes”.

2). Going to Vegas with your 10 friends to celebrate.

Do that and it’ll go down wayyy better.

Post # 82
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

TwilightRarity :  soooo AGREE! Wedding bee has highlighted to me how crazy people get about wedding protocol. To me it’s about the couple not the entire family, and no family aren’t always there for you every step of the way.

I say go to Vegas have a laugh and throw in the wedding and no you aren’t selfish, the sister should discuss this with HER BROTHER- it should be his 5 that are dropped. No you don’t have to drop 1 of yours but do remember your sister is one of “your friends ” tell your Fiance that that’s probably what getting most to her.

If I had wanted to go have a quickie marriage in Vegas my mum would have said “you go girl” ! Seriously she is very live and let live it just seems most on this stream aren’t and think you are truly hurting/ being cruel.

Post # 83
1740 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Wow – Congrats OP – you have created the very rare and elusive thread in which all but a very small minority (1 or 2) of the responses agree! This board has a lot of diverse opinions on it, and there is virtually no subject on which pretty much every one agrees, but you found one! Truly impressive. Having said that, yea, I agree with all of the PP and Future Sister-In-Law – you are being extremely rude and it will impair your future relationships, not just with Future Sister-In-Law, but also Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law. You say that they aren’t mad at you for not including Future Sister-In-Law, but I’m pretty sure they don’t approve (one thing I know for sure is that it hurts parents when there is discord among their children), even if they’re tactful enough not to show it.

Post # 84
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I agree with the above posts!  I just don’t understand your wedding plans.  

Post # 85
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Terrible idea!

Post # 86
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m not even close to my brother, and I would be devastated if he didn’t invite me to his wedding. 

6 pages of the same response and I think you’ve gotten your answer. You need to invite your immediate families.

Post # 87
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

You should invite her, what’s one more person?

If my brother’s Fiance acted like this to me, I would make sure she was miserable at every future family gathering… lol.

Post # 88
2854 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

OP please get back here and answer everyones questions!

We need to know what you think of everyones advice, did we help change your mind?

Post # 89
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

It wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all if my brother wanted to go to Vegas with his friends and get married.  Because I’m not “it’s all about me”.  But if there really is room for one more and he’s ok with her coming then he could invite her if he wants to.

Totally agree this never should have been dumped on you.


Post # 90
18 posts
  • Wedding: September 2016

cmsgirl :  I totally agree!

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