(Closed) FSIL Is Not Invited to Our Super Small Wedding and Feels Left Out

posted 5 years ago in Guests
Post # 111
Member
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m on the cusp of walking away from my family entirely, but your situation could have been foreseen. Your brother should have made sure his parents knew what you were doing, but asked them to keep quiet. I think you should go ahead with the wedding, apologise to the sister for hurt feelings, but don’t put your plans on hold or throw them out for her little tantrum. As you say, they’re not super close, so she can grow up and deal with it. 

Post # 112
Member
5356 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2016

Your responses blow my mind… I still can’t understand your train of thought… “Well, they’re not close, so I didn’t think she would want to be there (FOR THE BIGGEST DAY OF HIS LIFE)”… I don’t get it.

Post # 113
Member
642 posts
Busy bee

Well I’m glad you’ve seen sense. So many people forget that a marriage is not just a party for your mates, it’s a ritual going back centuries, one that joins 2 families.

Barring a total elopement, or unless your families are as mad as a box of frogs, there’s no reason to leave them out of something that they should be a part of. 

I know you can’t possibly believe this OP, but as the saying goes – friends come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Very few fall into the latter category, and as you all leave your 20s you’ll change a great deal and probably lose touch with many of those who will be smiling from those wedding day photos.  His sister on the other hand will be in his life forever. 

Post # 114
Member
5992 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

I feel so bad for your Future Sister-In-Law. nice way to shut the entire family out.

Post # 115
Member
2538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Why aren’t your parents invited? Why such an elite group where friends are more important than family to WATCH YOU GET MARRIED. This whole thing sounds selfish and immature. Sorry OP.

Post # 116
Member
1643 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

 Well, there is one other conundrum. Your 10 best friends or whatever signed up for this trip thinking you will get married as part of it. If you’re now taking out the wedding part, might they change their minds?

Post # 117
Member
313 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I disagree with almost everyone here. Your wedding, your trip, your money, your guests. Your parents aren’t coming, they are fine with it. Your sister is likely your best friend. His sister is not his best friend. This isn’t your problem to handle; it is your FI’s as it is his sister you appear to hardly know that well. I don’t get how anyone can dictate or make anyone feel guilty for celebrating their love anyway they choose. I find you Future Sister-In-Law selfish for not accepting your plans as your parents have and allowing you to enjoy your trip. But I’m most definitely in the minority. I’ve been in FSILs shoes, and the wedding I wasn’t invited to was a bridesmaid in my wedding and my whole family was there but me. Still respected the brides wishes and appreciated her explaining their venue restrictions. I still bought a gift, stalked pictures, and wished them well. It’s called maturity. I hope you all have a great time and get to celebrate how you choose. 

Post # 118
Member
13 posts
Newbee

I agree to some extent with what most other posters have said: weddings are about the joining of two families, as well as about celebrating the love between two people. But what I think needs to be kept in mind is that not all families are the same and not all people have families that are nuclear, immediate, or traditional. 

Still, the idea is that you and your spouse will be together for the rest of your lives which means that you are promising to accept HIS family into the rest of your life (including his sister). I think you are right to examine whether or not hurting her is worth it. Even eloping can result in hurt and resentment. 

My significant other is the oldest of six children. His parents are divorced and both are remarried or in long-term relationships. One of his siblings is married. By contrast, I’m an only child. One of my parents is deceased and I am not close with any of my family besides my grandfather and my father – both of whom would understand if I eloped. But part of my commitment to spending the rest of my life with my partner is also about his family. For as much as I would love to elope, these people will be in my partner’s life forever and I don’t want them to be upset or hurt. Which means that any wedding we have will be as small as it possibly can be, while still including all of his family. 

My point is that families are often very different, but joining your life with someone else’s means compromise. Don’t be scared off of the idea of getting married, just be aware of the meaning it has for people other than you and your future husband. Think it through. It sounds like it just caught you off guard that his sister would see the wedding this way, because that isn’t how you think of family or weddings. Which is okay. I’m sorry that this didn’t come up until you were already in a position to lose your deposits. That really sucks.

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