(Closed) FSIL: is this rude?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Ok, but just because she said she’d like to be BETTER friends doesn’t mean you two are CURRENTLY good friends. Asking someone to be in your wedding party doesn’t mean your relationship will automatically get closer. If anything, it only shines a light on the true nature of your friendship. 

It sounds like she likes you well enough, isn’t upset that you will be family, will be happy to spend family related time together, but has her own friend group and her own best friends and those aren’t going to change. Which, honestly, isn’t that bad of a situation.  It could be much worse in that she could be completely horrible to you and hate you. 

Post # 18
Member
378 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

How do you know the other people did not have obligations as well? 

And she did a nice note a day challenge she, included you and wrote you a nice note but you’re upset it wasn’t sincere enough? Maybe it was so sincere she said it twice!

You’re making this too hard…

Post # 19
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
Meganquita :  huh? I tell my husband every day that I love him. That makes it not sincere? 

Maybe she’s not creative with wording. I’m not and would probably reuse phrases because I don’t have a hallmark card type of brain. 

Post # 21
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
Meganquita :  it sucks to find out that someone’s not invested at the same level as you are. It truly does. Now that you know it, I’d just back off and stop worrying with her. Be nice when you see her, say happy birthday, all that jazz…but don’t put in any extra effort. She’ll either notice and ask what’s up and y’all can talk, or she wasn’t noticing your efforts in the first place and you’ll know where she stands.

Maybe in her mind, she was (and is) looking forward to growing closer as friends but simply has a different view of what that means than you do. In her head she might be thinking that she included you in her wedding, wrote you a nice note, always makes sure to invite you to her birthday parties, trusts you to watch her dog…get my drift?

I’m not saying she’s a super friend, but in her head her actions might seem completely different than your perception. I have a lot of friends who would think that always making sure I get invited–even though I can’t always come–and trusting me with their pet would be inidcators of friendship. 

Also: I have accidentally written cards verbatim before. It wasn’t intentional, but I was trying to relay similar thoughts (I think this was a Valentine to one of my friends) and the words came naturally. I didn’t realize until she got it and called me laughing that I’d written almost exactly the same thing the year before. Lol.  I was sincere both times!

Basically, take her at face value and don’t nitpick every little thing as a slight against you. Just assume that this is the amount of effort she’s willing to put in, and adjust your efforts accordingly.

 

Post # 25
Member
355 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Meganquita :  is she a bridesmaid in your wedding?

Post # 26
Member
7994 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

You are just harbouring resentment towards this woman.

She does not have to plan her life around your schedule. She picked the best day for HER PARTY and it didnt happen to work with you. Oh well. Life goes on.

I think you need to let the dress thing go. I also think you need to let this go.

Post # 27
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

And it completely sounds like you aren’t that close of friends. She’s being nice. She’s not being your best friend. You need to deal with the fact that there’s a difference. 

Post # 28
Member
749 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
Meganquita :  right, I get that. The point I was trying to make is that I was sincere both times I wrote it, even though yes it was verbatim, and that she could have been too. That’s all. 

Post # 29
Member
739 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
Meganquita :  That’s just not true.  She said the same thing twice to you, it was specific to you, it’s not as if she said the same thing to everyone. 

Post # 30
Member
6939 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
Meganquita :  “it’s not difficult to write a unique kind message to someone.”

This is the case FOR YOU, but not everyone. Some people have a very hard time finding the right words in certain circumstances. 

It doesn’t look like you’re as close as you want to be with her, which is fine. You can’t force her to be your new best friend. But it seems because of this you’re seeing everything she does as some sort of slight against you. Take a breather and try and relax. She’s not out to get you. 

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