(Closed) FSIL: is this rude?

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1601 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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Meganquita :  ok. Maybe it’s easy for you to find unique things to say to people. That’s great. It’s not for everyone. I’m telling you that I’m not. Don’t tell me that it is easy for everyone when I know for a fact it’s not. 

Post # 32
Member
6940 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

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Meganquita :  Also, looking back at your old post that you mentioned about her dress choice…it seems she is not one of your bridesmaids. Is that correct? Why are you assuming this woman dislikes you so much when she asked you to be in her wedding? Maybe she thinks YOU dislike her since you were in her wedding and yet you did not ask her to stand up in yours? 

Post # 33
Member
5151 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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Meganquita :  So she asked you to be in your wedding but you didnt ask her to be in yours? Is it possibly that she is hurt or upset by that?

Also, stop considering her a “good friend” if she’s not treating you like one. If you don’t want to watch her dog, say you are busy or won’t be home. If you don’t want to plan things around her schedule, don’t. It’s as simple as that. Yes, it sucks she’s being crappy but there are always going to be people like that.

Post # 34
Member
10313 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

You sound high maintanence and like your personalities don’t mesh.

I see nothing here to be offended or upset about other than things you are trying to create in your own mind. How dare that bitch take the time to write you nice cards and not make them unique enough! Who the hell does she think she is?

Post # 35
Member
99 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I relate to you because my Future Sister-In-Law has been just rude enough to me for years, so every time she’s just a little rude it used to hurt a lot more than it should.  Because that’s the pattern that was created.  So to anyone else, it didn’t make any sense why I was upset.  But after years and years of slights and rudeness, even if its just a little, it snowballs.

In my case, I chose to just let it go.  In a perfect world my husband’s sister and I would be BFFs, and truly I was hoping I was gonna get a new big sister.  I’m not.  I’m getting somebody difficult that I’m just gonna have to deal with forever, and it’s okay.  She doesn’t have any power to make me upset or hurt me because I don’t care what she thinks.  I hope things change, but I’m not holding my breath and I’m just gonna keep being polite- but I’m not going to bend over backwards to be friends.  It’s not my responsibility anymore.

Post # 36
Member
7319 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

it’s hard to know what is actually going on and what is just your stuff here. It’s possible that she’s just not that into you- she didn’t pick you to be in her family for life, her brother did. You two are members of the same family because of someone else’s choice.

Yes, she could have chosen a date that worked for you and that would have been nice but maybe she wants to do whatever she wants to do on her birthday without worrying about the impact on someone else (namely, you). (I say that knowing that I would be hurt if someone chose a date that I wasn’t available for their birthday dinner that was also a family gathering).

However- if you’re keeping track of all of the various things you’ve done for her without reciprocity, maybe you’re not respecting your own boundaries and needs and that’s why you’re feeling resentful. Stop going above and beyond for this relationship that is really only tangential to the actual relationship the two of you have with another person. You don’t have to be friends. You don’t have to be close. You only have to not act like fools at family gatherings.

Post # 37
Member
1337 posts
Bumble bee

Friendships are not always tit for tat. If you are putting more effort into the relationship, then you really can’t blame anyone but yourself. If it’s stressing you out or causing you to have hurt feelings, then pull back. She probably won’t notice or care all that much.

Post # 38
Member
6286 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

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Meganquita :  “If somebody says something twice like that it isn’t sincere. It’s a throw away message when you can think of nothing else”

This is your opinion and nothing more.  Here is my opinion: she wished you two grew close, you wished the same, but it just didn’t turn out that way.  It happens.

Post # 39
Member
244 posts
Helper bee

No no no no no. Dont feel like you are not a valued member of the family, its her whos being inconsiderate.  I have a similar scenario and finally I determined that I would look out for me and what I want to do.  I was similarly bending over backwards, being thoughtful, blah blah blah.  Now I dont feel guilty if I cant make an engagement, i dont attend anything I dont want to attend and I dont go out of my way to make sure everyone elses needs are met.  Basically I just decided that the relationships will form organically and either we will be really good buds or we wont, either way its ok.  My advice would be to focus on your fiance and do what makes he and the both of you happy and let the rest go. hth

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