Post # 1
ok.. i know i posted something like this when i first asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be in my wedding.. but now i’m getting down to crunch time and i dont know how to approach the situation i’m in…
I asked Future Sister-In-Law to be a bridesmaid when she was 6 months pregnant… my adorable nephew has been here for almost 3 months now and i am almost afraid to talk wedding with her….. is that weird? When i asked her she said “Are you sure you want me?” as in… “why are you asking me?” but i told her that we would talk more about everything once her son was born and things got closer… and now its time to order the damn dresses or they may not be ready in time.. I’ve already lost one bridesmaid to another wedding happening on the same day at the same time (even tho i asked her first! another story in another post!) so i’m a little nervous about bringing up the wedding and being rejected.
All of this has made me start thinking.. Future Sister-In-Law doesnt hang around FI’s family alot, she keeps Future Brother-In-Law and my nephew away from the family because she is her parent’s puppet. I read posts on here about how special it was to have all your close friends with you to help you with your wedding planning and getting ready the day of.. but i dont know that Future Sister-In-Law cares enough to run errands for me or whatever i need of a bridesmaid.. and i think it might feel awkward for me to share intimate moments with her (ex- being half naked getting into my dress, inviting her to the friends only lingerie/sex toy party my Maid/Matron of Honor has planned for my bachelorette afterparty..) when i’m not even sure she likes me……
What do i do? how do i approach the situation? How do i word the questions i need to ask her?! I have already asked her to be in the wedding, so i dont know if i can go back on it now unless she declines and she never gave me a straight yes or no.. and i need to know now if she’s in or out… but i also dont want to force her to be IN if she is uncomfortable or if she just doesnt think its smart to leave nephew with grandma or an aunt while she and Future Brother-In-Law stand up in the wedding…..
confused? me too
Post # 3
I would just let her know that it’s time to order the dresses and let her know when she’s available to order them. She may be heartbroken that you didn’t ask. I would also tell her that you understand that she can’t do it especially with the baby and the logistics behind that. I know M’s sister (also a bm) would be heartbroken if I didn’t ask her to be in the wedding or if I asked her to step down, you know what I mean? Just let her know you want her to be comfortable and you don’t want to add any stresses to her.
Post # 4
i dont know if im following you or not… i did ask her to be in the wedding.. she was ambivalent and hasnt given me an answer.. i’m nervous about how to ask for her measurements considering she isnt back down to her normal size and i dont even know if she likes me as a person…
Post # 5
I think you should give her the out. Sounds like she wanted to decline in the first place. I would call her up and say:
“Hey Future Sister-In-Law, we found some great dresses for the BMs, but I am a little worried about the price. I know that since having your son money may be a little tight, and I know that you may not be comfortable being in the wedding when you have a nursing infant. If you don’t want to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore, please let me know, I completely understand. I want you to be there for our big day, but I don’t want to impose on you. I want you to enjoy the day too!”
It gives her the chance to say thanks, and decline to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she doesn’t, then you can corner her with “Oh, great! Well the dresses cost $X and I need you to go in and get measured and pay by Wednesday because the dresses need to be ordered this week in order for them to arrive in time for the wedding.” If she doesn’t get it done by Wednesday, then it’s her fault that she doesn’t have a dress, and you can simply say you’re sorry she couldn’t be included.
Post # 6
Ask her again, but instead of asking “will you be in my wedding” ask “would you like to be a bridesmaid or would you rather attend as a guest? I understand either way”. You guys have a perfect built-in excuse if she doesn’t feel close enough – her new baby. If you would rather not have her, emphasize the bridesmaid duties. If you just want to be reassured that she really likes you, she might get totally happy and into the bridesmaid thing. Or she might beg off and you won’t really know why, but that’s something you can work on in the future. Any way it goes, you’ll at least have the peace of mind of knowing you only have supportive people standing with you on your wedding day.
Post # 7
thanks! i dont know if the cost of the dress thing would be an issue.. but i know that the time and responsibilities would be.. we’re making infinity/convertable/chameleon (whatever you want to call them) dresses and we were going to have several different showers because of the amount of family and friends.. and so far i’ve done EVERYTHING by myself but in the next month i’m putting them to work.
so.. maybe i can emphasize this without being b!tchy or pushy .. to me its like asking the guy who lives 5 houses down from you to get your mail while you’re on vacation bc he lives next to the mail box.. awkward.. but it has to be done because YOU like this person and you want them to like you back so they dont burn your house down and loot it.