(Closed) FSIL Just Announced Divorce – How/When/Should I Send Her STD?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Do the following

    Address it to her and him and give it to FMIL to keep in case they reconcile

    Address it to her and him and just give it to her

    Address it to her plus guest and give it to FMIL to keep for when the divorce isn't so fresh

    Address it to her plus guest and give it right to her

    Address it to her only so she won't feel weird and give to FMIL to keep for when divorce fresh

    Address it to her only and just give it to her

    Other and I will explain my solution to your conundrum below

  • Post # 3
    4334 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    wow, that is really awkward. (ok, I’m partly writing this to bump it back up, since I really have no idea,) but I kind of maybe sortof a little bit think that until the divorce is official, you should address it to her and her spouse? I don’t think it matters who you deliver it to.

    Either that, or wait til the divorce is official, and give it to her, addressed to just her.

    Post # 4
    1326 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ

    Considering it is just a STD and not the formal invite, I would just address it to her. You can’t really give a +1 on the card (“Sue Smith and Guest”???) and you wouldn’t want to add the to-be ex. If they get back together, you can address the invite to both of them, or if she starts seeing someone seriously between now and when you send out your invites, you can address it to her and her +1 by name. That’s just my opinion, I don’t know what the best etiquette would be in this case.

    Post # 5
    541 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Since it’s an STD, I would just address it to her.

    Post # 6
    1051 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    We had this problem too, it’s always so tough to know how to deal with divorce when you’re planning a wedding 🙁 It’s almost like you’re planning a big party when someone’s just died and no one knows how to act.

    In our case, my brother, one of our groomsmen, informed us that he and his wife would be getting a divorce about six months before our wedding. Since they were still married at the time, we sent one STD and invitation to the whole family, including their two daughters who were our flower girls. Regardless of their marital status, my brother’s wife had been a part of our family for over 15 years and it would have been rude to exlcude her.

    Their divorce was finalized a month or so before our wedding and his wife chose not to come but she did wish us well and had she wanted to come she would have been welcome. Even though she left him (and we suspect was probably cheating since they were only married in name for the last year or so) she’ll always be part of our family since she was his wife and will always be the mother of his daughters. 

    Post # 7
    2790 posts
    Sugar bee

    If I were you I wouldn’t worry about being to formal in indicating who the STD is for. I would suggest a few things. Either do not place a name on it as well and just hand it to her or put just her name on the front of it. You are hand delivering them anyways so it isn’t like they need to know exactly who the invitation is intended towards.

    Post # 8
    6571 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: February 2010

    That happened to my Brother-In-Law too. They were talking about having another baby and then bam, two weeks after our wedding they’re getting a divorce.

    I would just address it to your SIL. She might feel pressure that she has to find a date if it says “and guest,” and since she’s family she’ll know other people at the wedding. If she starts dating someone closer to the wedding, you could always put their name on the invite.

    Post # 9
    2441 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    If you want to be formal, she is still legally married so I’d address it to her and her legal spouse.  Especially if they might get back together or if they are on good terms.  If you’re not concerned about being formal, and especially if you have a good relationship with her, I’d just address it to her and verbally tell her you didn’t know how to address it but it’s okay for her to bring whomever she wants.  

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