(Closed) FSIL planning wedding a month before mine

posted 8 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is my FSIL being inconsiderate

    Yes

    No

  • Post # 17
    Member
    5949 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    Meh, don’t let it bother you….everybody gets what they want when they get married, you and your future sister in law!

    Post # 18
    Member
    442 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @Swizzle:  The two situations are totally opposite sure, I’m just commenting on the thunder stealing bit is all. Weddings aren’t about the “thunder”. But if you are worried about money I’d call a family meeting to discuss the finances. Be prepared to map out what your family and u and your Fi can contribute so you can have a real discussion about a budget that will work for your Fi’s family. They should contribute equal amounts to both weddingd so just be proactive about the money talks. As for family travelling, that could be an issue but cross that bridge when you come to it. Don’t be stressed yet!

    Post # 19
    Member
    1975 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2013

    you only get ONE day, not a week, not a month not a year. This post sounds very childish. Sorry

    Post # 20
    Member
    85 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    If I was you I’d be glad it was before and not after, this way you can make sure yours is better!! haha

    Post # 21
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    I don’t think she’s picking a date before you “steal your thunder,” considering that she picked her parents’ anniversary- that’s really sweet.

    What were you expecting your FI’s family would do for your wedding, other than the rehearsal dinner (typically falls to the groom’s parents)? My in-laws weren’t involved in any of our planning.

    One plus about having a wedding before yours- you can learn from what they do wrong. :)- I realize that sounds kind of awful, but you can get a lot of “what not to do” from going to another wedding.

    Post # 22
    Member
    500 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    if you’re getting married for the attention, you might want to reconsider.

    Post # 23
    Member
    1755 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    While I can understand your concern, try to step back and look at this logically:

    • Her parents anniversary appears to be behind her decision, as opposed to stealing your thunder.  I doubt this is an intentional slight to you.
    • The length of time she’s been with her fiance doesn’t impact the date.  It doesn’t matter which of you has been in a relationship the longest.  His family can care and be excited for both of you.
    • Usually the groom’s family is less involved with wedding planning, etc, so there’s no reason to expect that you’re going to have less from his family because of the date.  Are they going to be more invested in her wedding then your fiance’s?  Possibly but it has more to do with bride vs groom and wouldn’t matter if your weddings were 6 months apart.
    • We had two weddings in our family a month apart a few years back, both were special, people did things for both, no one stole anyone’s thunder. 

    The best thing to do, is let it go and get on board.  Your conduct will ultimately set the tone for how much the groom’s family helps – great attitude goes a long way. If you’re happy for his sister and take an interest in her wedding, his family will be much more supportive of you in the long run.  As mentioned by other posters, there’s plenty of thunder for all.

    Allow yourself a day or two to feel a bit wistful, then let it go and move onwards.  You’ll find that you’ll be happier if you do. 

    Post # 24
    Member
    2268 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Cool your jets, Bee! I think you are overreacting. She has every right to have a wedding one month before yours. Her reasoning seem to make sense. Your wedding will be great and so will hers. Worst things have happened in life. This isn’t a big deal.

    Post # 26
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Sorry, but a month between weddings is plenty of time.

    Post # 27
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @bride2bee85:  

    It’s inconsiderate of her if it compromises the guests’ ability to come to your wedding. (having to book travel, going to hers, instead of yours). Unfortunately though, I don’t think there is very much you can do about it at this point. I would be really annoyed too, because now everyone’s going to focus on hers first. I have a competitive cousin who got engaged after I did and made sure to send her “save the dates” out recently, which angered me because now I get the pleasure of hearing all of my relatives talking about it non stop at my wedding reception. Petty? Probably, but that’s the reality of it. 

    Post # 28
    Member
    7638 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999
    Post # 29
    Member
    4800 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Well, would you rather her have it in the fall after yours? So that during your whole wedding planning period his family would also have hers to think about? Or would you rather have the whole month leading up to your wedding be where people could focus on yours because hers is over? That second option sounds a heck of a lot better to me!

    I think it actually sounds kinda fun to have a SIL to wedding plan with, you’ll have someone else to talk about wedding ideas with who won’t get sick of talking about it the way other family members do! Look on the bright side. And for the record, no, I don’t think she’s being inconsiderate.

    Post # 30
    Member
    649 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    You get one day.  She doesn’t need to plan her life around your wedding.  That is just the way it is. 

    Post # 31
    Member
    611 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I could understand you being concerned about the financial pressure two back-to-back weddings would put on your fiance’s family, but you don’t mention that once in your entire post.

    Instead, you’re upset because her wedding will take attention away from you and “steal your thunder” and the family will just “go through the motions” with yours? That is UNBELIEVABLY juvenile.

    So, if the financial thing isn’t an issue, then no, she’s not being inconsiderate. Especially since it sounds like she’s trying to keep things low-key (although you have decided this is not out of a genuine desire to keep things low-key, but rather to get the “sympathy vote.”)

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