(Closed) FSIL Problems….Vent

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
371 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I really feel for you because I know how hurtful this type of treatment from a Future Sister-In-Law can be.  You have high hopes and dreams that it will be a good realtionship.  Honestly, she probably feels all knds of jealousy and resentment torwards you right now.  In some ways, you are changing her family dynamic by marrying her brother, and you are “another girl in the family”. She may feel the need to compete with you and show that she is “just as good” as you are by bringing her group of friends, etc.  Her attitude is definitely wrong.  I think that you can still be kind to her.  You might not be able to trust her, but you can still be kind.  She abused your kindness with the Dirty Delete episode, that’s for sure.  You may have to set a limit or boundary with her on what you will take.  You can still be plesant and tell her that, “No, I will not be your Dirty Delete, sorry”.  Sometimes I think that FSILs feel like you owe it to them to be nice to them no matter how they treat you, because you have to accept them since they are part of your FI’s family, and that’s where you may have to guard yourself and draw a line.  She does not have the right to use you and abuse you just because you are a Future Sister-In-Law to her.  

Post # 4
Member
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Before I got engaged I thought it was Future Mother-In-Law that I had to watch out for but Future Sister-In-Law are much worse. Don’t ask her to be bridesmaid why bother when she doesn’t respect you enough to even use manners, and have words with your Fiance tell him that if it upsets you then it should bother him because he is supposed to care about your feelings, ask him to speak to her about how she is with you and explain that he loves you and she will have to respect that

FI’s never seem to get it unless you spell it out for them

Post # 5
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have you tried to sit down with her and talk it out?   My experience was simliar to yours until Fiance and I got engaged.  I was so hoping that my Future Sister-In-Law and I could be better friends.  I (the yougner one than she) had to sit her down and have a chat about it.  She didn’t realize that I felt that way and that she was being so secluded during family social events. 

After a bit of time and effort – she’s become my matron of honor.  I know I’m lucky that things worked out, but trying to talk to situation out would be the best option.  If it doesn’t work from there, look how you can go to your Fiance and say that YOU have been the one to try AGAIN and nothing is changing. 

Post # 7
Member
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

@2impatient: I seriously came on here to write this exact post and ask for advice. Do you and I have the same sister in law?

I can’t say that I can give you any advice, but I can tell you that I know exactly how you feel and it is so frustrating. My Darling Husband and I have been together for almost 4 years and married for 6 months, and I have never had a full conversation with my sister in law. She has never made an  effort to get to know me in the past 4 years, and it’s like pulling teeth to even get her to say hello to me. I’ve tried many times with her, and asked her how school is going, etc, but all I get are one word answers. Also, I did make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding to keep my mother in law and father in law happy, because unlike SIL, they are actually very friendly and have made me feel welcome from day one, so I didn’t want to burn bridges with them. Luckily, SIL wasn’t too bad during the wedding planning, she actually got her Bridesmaid or Best Man dress without a problem, and since we had two ceremonies, she got an outfit for the other ceremony and the reception. But on the day of the wedding, while all the bridesmaids were in my suite getting our pictures taken, two of my other friends who were also in the wedding said she kept rolling her eyes during the whole time and said she didn’t like taking pictures. My other friends that weren’t in the wedding party said that she had a sour look on her face during the entire ceremony. I wouldn’t be so offended by her behavior if she was a teenager, but the girl is almost 22 years old and a senior in college!

So sorry to threadjack, but I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel!

 

Post # 8
Member
76 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@Miss Mochaccino: I just wanted to say I love this. I too am having some serious Future Sister-In-Law problems. it got to a point a few months back I had to lock down what she could see of me on my facebook because she would find something of me to pick at on mine and write snarky comment on hers about it for instance: my fi and i decided me finishing school before marriage was a priority so i stopped work and took out a loan. so she wrote some thing along the lines “I hate working my long hours at work. but atleast im not living on borrowed money and hand outs.” Hand outs are not ur fiance’s money who agreed to pay for things to move you closer to his family (over two hours away) and i am getting an education out of it and more financial stability. But once she realized what i had done (locking my wall), she cried to my Fiance and said she never wanted to hurt me and wanted a friendship. Few months down the road, back to the same old same old. I figured this could be  some type of whose the supreme daughter thing she is trying to prove. So I am letting her do it. and i will just be nice. because i can not change her. So maybe the advice i am trying to give you, if someone confronting her wont work (since is hard to force a relationship), do try ignoring her. Brothers know their sisters best. and it may just annnoy her enough for her to be intrigued and want a friendship down the road. Tongue Out

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