(Closed) FSIL seeks Bees' Advice! Am I right or am I being a bee-yotch?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: In this situation am I .....

    totally right...their plans and actions are disrespectful

    mostly right...their plans and actions are sort of thoughtless

    sorta wrong...family needs to go along to get along

    totally wrong...when they say jump I should just say "how high"

  • Post # 18
    12244 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Oof. That sounds awful! Definitely find a different hotel to stay in! And if you can roomshare , that will bring down the price more.

    But just about every town has a Motel 6 or Holiday Inn!

    Post # 19
    259 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    My gift would be paying for your mother to stay there for ONE night 🙂 I would cancel the room for myself and book somewhere else nearby for cheap.

    Post # 20
    3194 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

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    @juanita.kelly.9:  +1 that’s the first thing i thought, that they’re required to book all the rooms or something so he’s trying to parse out the cost of the wedding to his family.

    Post # 21
    3462 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    View original reply
    @juanita.kelly.9:  “the cynic in me is wondering if they get a deal on the wedding if they fill all the rooms”

    Why, of course. Why else does the couple even care where people stay? We, for example, would like for guests to stay in our host hotel. But (1) we negotiated a rate that’s lower than anyplace else on the island and (2)we are having additional events, providing a shuttle, gifts, etc that would be better facilitated by everyone being in the same place. We’ve had at least 10 of our 40 overseas guests choose to stay elsewhere. I honestly could not care less (and would not unless I were receiving some sort of kickback).

    Post # 22
    7624 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @LMD:  +1 this is what I would do. Or else look for a cheaper hotel.

    As far as the kids having their friends there, I don’t think there is much you can do about that. I think it’s understandable that her kids will have friends there because your Future Sister-In-Law is actually friends with their parents. If they aren’t friends with the parents I don’t think a wedding if an appropriate place to bring your friends. 

    Post # 23
    3462 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @primrosehedge:  I don’t think you’re wrong for not wanting to pay the fee for the rooms, but I don’t see why it makes a difference how much his fiancee makes (or why you even know this information). Please don’t make any sort of reference to this when you’re “broaching,” as it is extremely rude.

    Post # 24
    1926 posts
    Buzzing bee

    Find a new hotel to stay in. Even the 5 star luxury hotel in Europe that we’re getting married at isn’t $600 a night. Absurd.

    Post # 26
    149 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

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    @primrosehedge:  I would combine what the two PPs above gave for advice and keep it short and sweet.  It’s your and your mom’s money and they have no right to attempt to choose how it’s spent since they didn’t earn it.  Also, your brother doesn’t get to choose your mom’s wedding gift for him or technically even whether she gives him a gift at all!  So, your mom should tell your brother that she would prefer to choose her own gift for him.

    Post # 27
    5867 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    Issue 1: The rooms)  It’s your money, if you don’t want to stay there, just tell him that and make your own arrangements.  Same for your mom.

    Issues 2: The kids) It’s none of your business, stay out of it.

    Post # 28
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Yes, overjoyed, I know some inns and B and B’s that basically waive the room fee (but still charge for food) if you fill the place.  If FSILs family is so rich, let them fill the place.

    Post # 29
    13649 posts
    Honey Beekeeper

    Your mother should tell him that she can’t afford the price of the hotel room and that she will either find a less expensive alternative for one night or commute from home.  If your brother wants her at the hotel where the wedding is being held, that is on him and his Fiance.   I suspect that one of the reasons he wants his family  at the hotel is that he is concerned about appearances.  

    He can’t go begging and billing his mother for the wedding present she might  have given him.  It’s totally rude and inappropriate.  But  I would not get into a confrontation.   Just keep it simple, say you will stay elsewhere. And if the subject comes up with the Fiance, I would not hesitate to ask HER for less expensive alternatives or tell her that you will drive from home.  Your brother may not have even said anything to her about this. 

    Post # 30
    926 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    Them expecting you to pay that much for rooms is insane. Just say no & either drive up that day or find more affordable accomodations. I wouldn’t budge on that & you’re not being a bee-yotch lol. As far as the kid’s go, it is their wedding & they can decide who’s invited. Even though it stinks, I’d let that go.

    Post # 31
    11735 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @primrosehedge:  I don’t think you need to get upset about it. Just book your own room in a more affordable hotel. He cannot make you stay there.  I’m guessing he didn’t steal your credit card number to reserve the room, so it’s not like you will be charged if you don’t show up.

    Typically, when you have a wedding at a small inn/B&B type place, they make you pay for every room they have.  He’s trying to get others to reserve the rooms so he doesn’t have to pay for them.  Just because he said you can stay in one of them doesn’t mean you have to.

    I don’t think it’s any of your business whether or not his kids are allowed to have friends there.  So, I don’t really have any advice for that situation nor do I see how it’s relevent to you.

    The topic ‘FSIL seeks Bees' Advice! Am I right or am I being a bee-yotch?’ is closed to new replies.

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