(Closed) FSIL seeks Bees' Advice! Am I right or am I being a bee-yotch?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: In this situation am I .....

    totally right...their plans and actions are disrespectful

    mostly right...their plans and actions are sort of thoughtless

    sorta wrong...family needs to go along to get along

    totally wrong...when they say jump I should just say "how high"

  • Post # 32
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    i know what youre going through!! my bf’s sister is to be married in Cancun nov 2014, and is expecting family to stay in $300/ night suites in a five star resort. we can barely afford plane tickets,as we are trying to save to buy a house, and anyone is to be ‘shunned’ in the sisters books if they dont attend. my bf is pretty distraught as its looking like we wont be able to afford to go and he doesnt want to be estranged from his only sibling if we cant afford to go. i always thought when people threw out of country destination weddings, they were entirely optional, as its a huge cost for anyone to attend out of country- passports, any immunization(not sure if you need them for mexico, i would anyways), hotel, plane tickets, and spending money so were not cooped up in the hotel. not to mention mexico is on my ‘never vacy list’ never a place ive ever been incined to spend money to see. not to mention its her second wedding in two years, im sure there will be another to attend in another two years.

    Post # 33
    Member
    1475 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @LMD:  +1 This is what I would say too, and leave it at that. If he really wants his family there, he would offer to pay.

    Post # 34
    Member
    6033 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

    @primrosehedge:  if they are insisting you stay in that room, they should be paying for it. It’s beyond rude to book someone a room and then toss the bill at them. If they aren’t going to pay for it I would simply say, thank you but that’s out of our price range. As for your mother, unfortunately she needs to speak up too or be aware that you are doing it on her behalf

    Post # 35
    Member
    2538 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think that your brother should have asked if you wished to stay there and then you could have booked it yourselves. To expect you to stay is a bit much. We had reserved rooms at our hotel but we weren’t obligated to use them (any that hadn’t gone by a certain date would be released for general use. 

    We offered certain people rooms but did not force anyone to take one. In the end , some were the same people and some were different. It did not bother us. 

    Post # 36
    Member
    2959 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    Personally I would commute (and bring Mom) and let the bride and groom pay for the damn rooms. Once in a lifetime does not obligate people to spend money they do not have.

    Post # 37
    Member
    117 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I think they need to guarantee a certain number of rooms and they are making the family pay for them.  

    Just them them you apprecitate the offer but it is not necessary.  No explanation should be given since they never bothered to fill you in on the details. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    9524 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2013

    i would find a cheaper hotel or not go. 

    how close are you with your brother?  have you discussed with him that $600/night is not doable for your side of the family. 

    Post # 39
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I think it is kinda a shame about  the kids, but agree, nothing you can do, other than commute, so they dont have stay over.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1063 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    @primrosehedge:  you can’t win the kids thing, but you also don’t have to shell out $600. I agree that it’s going too far to assume everyone is going to spend that much money at your command. The rooms at my sister’s venues are over $300 and I told her flat out I don’t want to do that and the family will now be staying at a much cheaper but still nice location nearby. No biggie. Good luck!!

    Post # 41
    Member
    344 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I’d congratulate them sincerely, then tell them that since $600 accommodations are out of your price range, you’ll be staying at a less expensive nearby hotel. You can definitely set healthy boundaties while being gracious.

    Don’t bring up her salary or her family’s money when you talk to your brother–it would be very difficult to do that without sounding like sour grapes.

    Post # 42
    Member
    1603 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I read her brining up money differently, more that she was reminding her brother that her mom did not have money to spare.  Honestly, who would expect a mom living on social security to pay this?

    Post # 43
    Member
    892 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    @primrosehedge:  I think that its super unfair that the room is $600 for two nights AND its driving distance from where you guys all live. Fiance and I are having a Las Vegas Destination Wedding. Sure everyone is going to pay for themselves. But as much as all our guests (including our parents & immidate family) are coming for our wedding its also like a PERSONAL trip for all of them too, all we want from them is to come to our ceremony & reception, the rest of them time they are free to do what they want.

    If this place they’re getting married at is within driving distance I see NO REASON to crap out $600 for TWO nights in a hotel.

    Post # 44
    Member
    3281 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: January 2014

    Okay, I have personal experience with this. Fiance is a groomsman in a wedding, and the whole bridal party is “required” to stay in a certain hotel that is $250/night. We are both grad students and we literally cannot afford it, but it’s hard to just be like, “Eff you!” to friends/family, especially since this is what they want for their wedding, which is, if not once in a lifetime (lol), certainly a big deal.

    We are splitting the room with another couple. If you want to please your brother/not make waves, could your Mom just stay in your room/rooms?

    For us, $125/night is still really REALLY high, but we are decreasing the amount that we will give them as a wedding gift. So if your mom (and you guys!) were planning on giving them a gift, you could take it out of that.

    Don’t get me wrong–I think requiring certain accommodations is completely ridiculous.

    Honestly, if I were the bridesmaid, I probably would just be like, “Sorry, bride, you’re being a bridezilla right now. We’re staying in the Motel 6.” But Fiance is the groomsman, and he doesn’t like to say no to friends.

    Post # 46
    Member
    718 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    View original reply
    @MrsWBS:  This exactly.  Our reception is in a historic hotel that only has 28 rooms.  Had we went that route, to book the hotel we’d have to pay for each room ourselves.  We get that money back when someone actually books the room.  So we’re using another hotel and letting our guests choose where to stay themselves.  Looks like someone is trying to ensure they get their money back.

    The topic ‘FSIL seeks Bees' Advice! Am I right or am I being a bee-yotch?’ is closed to new replies.

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