(Closed) FSIL that hates me wants to be my BM?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@RVG1010: read something..like a poem or biblical scripture.

Post # 5
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You can have her help out with the guestbook, or perhaps have her act as an usher.

Post # 6
3482 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Honestly…nothing. If she’s making this much of a fuss over not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and you give her a lesser duty, I guarantee she’ll still be pissy and will more than likely flake out on you. Best to keep her out of the wedding altogether so that her drama and your wedding stay separate.

Post # 7
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@RVG1010:  I personally would not make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man or even a part of the bridal party at all, especially because you two already don’t get along.  I would not want tension in my bridal party, or have her ruin your mood on your special day.  If she doesn’t like you, I don’t get why she wants to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  It sounds like she just want some attention.  But, if you MUST have her involved, I would make her an usher for your ceremony.  But, that might not be good enough for her.  Sounds like she wants to only be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  I would stand my ground and say “NO”.

Post # 9
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

I am dealing with similar, so I feel your pain.  I have FI’s cousin and one of his sisters in the wedding.  His other sister, I cannot stand (and that’s putting it mildly).  She hasn’t said anything directly to me, but she has thrown a fit to Future Mother-In-Law saying she’s not coming to the wedding (because she’s not apart of it)… and I’m sure more fits are on the way.  I refuse to have her do anything in my wedding.  She won’t even be at my wedding.  I don’t think you should feel entitled to letting your Future Sister-In-Law do anything for wedding. 

Post # 10
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Nothing…… lock her in the closet until the wedding is over. (Hey its only a little illegal)

Post # 11
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@RVG1010: I feel your pain.  My FBIL’s Girlfriend is so jealous of me and rude to me yet asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in my wedding!!  I don’t get the balls on these girls….

I contemplated trying to find her an alternate role, but since I wasn’t even thinking of her having anything to do, I kept it that way.  She also loves to be the center of attention like your Future Sister-In-Law.

Anyway, I couldn’t stand the fact of anyone trying to tell me what to do for my wedding, she is just going to get the role of “guest.”  And I have people ready to corral her at picture time as she will NOT be in more than a few pictures…I’m sure that will cause another tantrum.

Post # 12
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@RVG1010: Why can’t you have more than one reading? Fiance and I are going to eaach have a least a couple friends do readings.

Post # 13
48 posts
  • Wedding: February 2012 - Patrick C. Haley Mansion, Joliet, IL

I agree that she shouldn’t be a bridesmaid. As long as your Fiance can stand with you on the decision, you will be fine. There may be drama, but I gather that she’s the type to cause that anyway.

I think you’d prefer “I’m not a bridesmaid Waaaaaaa!” drama over “I hate the dress you picked” drama or “I’m not walking down the aisle with him” drama.

Stress that the party has already been finalized and thank your lucky stars she didn’t ask this three months ago!

Post # 15
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Sounds like she wants attention. if she doesnt like you and is causing drama now she wont hesitate to cause it as a Bridesmaid or Best Man during your wedding.

Try having her pass around shots, handing out timeline programs, greeting guests with a gift?


Post # 16
2031 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would do nothing.  I had a similar situation, and I didn’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man (I would have if Darling Husband had wanted me to, but he specifically said no, he didn’t want all of his sisters in the wedding, only 1 because she was my friend and introduced us).  We actually did ask her to do a reading, initially, but she declined.  We then asked 2 very close male friends (one from each side) to do them instead, since 2 readings in our church are common.  After they had been asked and were sent their readings to practice, she called my Darling Husband and said she had changed her mind.  He politely told her that, sadly, the spot had been filled.  She went to my Mother-In-Law and had her ask me (the day we were filling out the invites) to which I politely replied ‘I’m sorry, but it’s done.’  We eventually asked her to be in charge of handing out programs…but for whatever reason no one ever seemed to get one.  So, I would say, too bad.  It’s your wedding, and a decision has been made.  Chances are, if she’s this upset about not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, she could cause a scene about being handed ‘busy work’.

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