(Closed) FSIL TROUBLES – THOUGHTS APPRECIATED

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
2742 posts
Sugar bee

What happened to your Caps Lock key Frown

Post # 4
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It is not wrong to keep her out of the wedding, but be prepared for backlash.

See my previous posts about a similar situation:

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/emotional-blackmail-long-vent-sorry

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/vent-fmil-fsil-fcil

http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/fsil-wearing-an-ivory-and-black-statement-dress-to-the-wedding 

It’s not easy but if you’ve made that decision, you must stand your ground. My FI’s sister has barely said three words to us in the last year, but we hear all of the nasty rumors she’s spreading about our wedding, and it’s really just sad. It’s been a year since she found out she wasn’t in the wedding, and she’s still not over it.

Good luck, and do what is best for you and your FI!

Post # 5
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

stop yelling at me!

Post # 6
Member
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

If I were you, I would contact her and ask her out to lunch, just the two of you. Maybe you if the two of you got together and just talked, had some alone time, things might get better. It looks to me that she may be a bit jealous and afraid of losing her brother. I would reach out to her on your own and see if she would like to be part of your wedding party, and if not, if she would like to do something else instead. I am sure that the relationship between her brother and her has changed quite a bit, since the two of you got together. I also suggest that her brother, your Fiance, take her out for a one on one lunch too. After you do the lunches maybe you can both take her out to lunch and you can all get to know each other as a group.

Post # 8
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I don’t believe it would be wrong to leave her out because I am not including my fsil in our bridal party. She doesn’t have any desire to have anything to do with us and I wasn’t included in her bridal party in her upcoming wedding.

But, like the previous submitter, prepare for someone to not like your decision and just stand your ground. You really don’t need to have to explain the situation, just state that you wanted people in the bridal party that are excited and will support you in the planning.

Post # 9
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Perhaps over the course of the engagement she will warm up to your relationship, as by the time y’all get married you’ll have been together almost 2 years.  Depending on how important it is to you and your Fiance, you could include her as a reader or something like that?  And maybe if she warms up you could “promote” her? 

I agree with Nortake22 that perhaps her getting to know you as a couple would be a really great idea as well!

Good Luck

Post # 10
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I am not including my Future Sister-In-Law as a bridesmaid in our wedding party (and we get along good!), so I do not think you HAVE to include her just because she is family – others may disagree with this, but I wouldn’t want to ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man just because you feel obligated to.  You want the people up there who support you most and whom you are closest to.

I agree with noritake22 – maybe give her the chance to warm up to the idea of you two.  It is likely that she is jealous or feels excluded or something and getting to know you both better as a couple may help the situation.

Post # 12
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@msrdsx82 – is his sister engaged or does she have a long time boyfriend? Could there be some jealousy coming into play where she wishes SHE were getting married?

In our case, Future Sister-In-Law has been with her boyfriend only 8 months longer than Fiance and me have been together – and we’ve been together nearly 6 years! But she is taking her anger/emotions out on us instead of taking her issues up with him… she’s jealous that we are where we are at in our relationship, and is lashing out.

Post # 13
Member
459 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

7seven you took the words out of my mouth.  I’ve followed your fsil drama and I’m so sorry that you and the op are having to deal with these issues during such a happy time.

Hugs!

Post # 14
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Also, we had thought about involving siblings in another way – a sibling dance at the reception where i danced with my brothers and he danced with his sisters, for example… or have them do a reading or anything. We decided against all of it based on how she has acted, because we feel like we shouldnt have to go out of our way to make her feel included when she’s just going to say that it’s “sloppy seconds” for her to be included in any other way besides being a bridesmaid.

Post # 15
Member
3620 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Thanks SouthernTulip – we appreciate the support you bees have given to us during this time.

As for you msrdsx82, we’ll get through this!!! Just remember that the day is NOT about your Future Sister-In-Law, and it is NOT about how she reacts or feels. That sounds cold, and I am not saying that you should just cut ties with her, because I do think it’s important to try to build back any semblance of a relationship – but in my experience, I’m not going to soon forget how she treated us during what was supposed to be one of the happiest points in our lives…

But the day is ABOUT YOU AND YOUR FIANCE GETTING MARRIED.  And at the end of the day, you want to be surrounded by those who love and support you. And there is NOTHING wrong with that.

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