(Closed) FSIL vent

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

It was kind of you to include her, and your Future In-Laws will never forget that. I’d also be incredibly frustrated by her behavior, and it must be upsetting to your Fiance to see her act like this as his big day approaches. As for opting not to stay with bridal party? Honestly, I think she did you a favor! She’s not interested in being a part of the festivities, and you’re regretting including her at all.  This way you can enjoy your ladies the night before and not worry about her. 

Post # 3
Member
400 posts
Helper bee

She sounds rude and like one of those people that never approve of anything unless they’re done the way they would’ve done it. Do your thing, I agree with freckledfrieda she did you a favour by limiting her contact with you. You don’t need to be around that negativity especially before your wedding.

Post # 4
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
anonbee4me :  Honestly- my BFF/MOH was pretty much like that during my wedding planning. She was insanely critical of everything I said/did and I ended up having to tell her we couldn’t talk about the wedding anymore 4 months beforehand. I had rented a house for the week surrounding the wedding, and wanted all the girls to spend the night before with me and get ready together in the morning. She said from the outset that she would be spending the night at a hotel and then it was a huge fight to get her to come get ready with us in the morning. 

I’d cut my losses if I were you. If she doesn’t want to bond & be happy with you the night before, you’re not going to want her there anyway. Let it go. Enjoy the time with the people who want to hang out with you. Take it from someone who’s been there- it isn’t worth thinking about her. You will be surrounded by love and support and don’t need her. 

Post # 5
Member
830 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

 Try not to regret it too much – you did a nice thing for the Future In-Laws, and since she is a difficult person, perhaps you should be grateful that she is not spending the night with you!

Maybe you could also practice empathizing with her. Maybe she’s actually really jealous of how much you guys are able to spend on the wedding, so she’s doing a ‘sour grapes’ routine by criticizing your spending to make herself feel better. Pretty lame, but as humans, we all sometimes behave badly.

If money is tight for her, it might also explain why she skipped the shower and bach party. Also, it sounds like she is not very close with you guys (you say you “defaulted” to having her as a BM) – maybe she has a lot going on in her life right now that you don’t know about? Or mabybe she is worried she would feel awkward with the other girls, since she doesn’t know your other BMs well?

For whatever the reason, remember that her standing up with you is actually doing you a favor, and she agreed to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man when you asked her, regardless of her feelings about weddings and/or anything else going on in her life. To at least some extent, she is prioritzing you and Fiance over other things in her life, and anything she IS doing (wearing a coordinating dress? getting ready with you? even just showing up at the wedding?) she’s doing because she supports you and your FI’s relationship. Maybe being grateful for any positives will help you have a little more peace of mind. 🙂

Post # 6
Member
1603 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Well, her attitude and statements about weddings (and your wedding) sound pretty rude and unnecessary. 

But….with regards to the hotel I kinda understand why she isn’t joining you. I’m assuming she doesn’t really know any of the other bridesmaids right? And if you guys aren’t super close, I can imagine that might be an awkward, uncomfortable night for her and I wouldn’t want to join if I were in her position. As a bridesmaid, all she really needs to do is show up in the dress and sober. I’d let the hotel thing go. If she makes more rude comments, maybe ask your Fiance to talk to her because that’s not ok. 

I’m assuming you were hoping her being a bridesmaid would bring you guys closer but unfortunately weddings only enhance the current dynamics of relationships, not improve them. 

Post # 7
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I’m sorry that you’re dealing with this. We’ve had our share of sibling drama during this whole to-do! 

It sounds like a blessing that she’s not staying in the hotel with you and your ladies! You don’t need her negativity. 

Post # 9
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

She doesn’t sound like someone you would want staying with you anyway. What a bitch. I’m convinced that making a Future Sister-In-Law a bridesmaid is usually a bad idea. They rarely appreciate it, and act rude and then think they are doing you this big favor, when you were just being nice by asking her. 

Post # 10
Member
906 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

View original reply
lareolin :  You’re right–they don’t appreciate it! The only way I could see doing it is if my friendship with the Future Sister-In-Law predated my relationship with my fiance. 

Post # 11
Member
111 posts
Blushing bee

It’s really rude of her not to join the fun of your day and put her all in to helping you celebrate your wedding the way you want to (seems really immature to me too). Yeah it’s not what she would do but that’s it’s not her day!!! It’s good you can have a little grumble on here, but as pp’s have said, enjoy your time with your other BM’s 

Post # 12
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
anonbee4me :  Are you sure she’s not jealous of you?

Her comments seem to be out of jealousy or even pure annoyance of you.

Post # 14
Member
2849 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Its weird she had her mommy text you to tell you she wouldnt be staying with you at the hotel and couldnt tell you herself.

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