(Closed) FSIL wants my FH to chop off all his hair for her wedding! (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow, that’s so rude!!! Sorry, but she can’t dictate what he does with his hair. Especially because he wants to donate it! Just stand firm, its not like he is throwing a temper tantrum – its for a great cause! I can’t see anyone even saying anything about his hair

Post # 4
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

So…I kinda see FSIL’s point of view.

He will cut his hair for your wedding, but he won’t cut it for hers. So, he won’t wear his hair long for his own wedding, but it’s ok for it to be long for hers?

If I were her, I don’t think I’d like to look back at my wedding pictures with my brother with his long hair, not because there is anything wrong with long hair but because he changed soon after anyway. It’s not like his “usual” look.

I have a brother and if he had long hair (like he did after his first year of college), I would probably be a little rude about it too. Just my honest opinion.

BUT, she can’t dictate what people do with their hair. It’s ultimately their choice. But if he’s going to cut it anyway, would it really be so bad for him to cut it for her? I’m sure locks of love will take the 9 inches. If it would make her happy, I would just get the darn haircut and save my battles with her for something more important.

Post # 5
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@JBing: Your Future Sister-In-Law sounds like a biz-nitch. I could understand if your Fiance has unkempt hair or something similar. But if he keeps it in check and it looks nice, then WTF does anyone else care? 

Esepcially if his reasoning is that he only needs it to be a couple inches longer and then he can at least donate it when he cuts it off. If he cuts it off now; he can’t donate it anywhere.

I’ll do what I can to be respectful of people’s wishes for their wedding…but when it comes to hair length, eyebrow shaping, glasses vs. contacts, tanning, etc. I draw the line. I hope you and your Fiance stand up to his family and tell them to back the F off.  

Good luck, hope you keep up the good fight. Let us know how it goes. 

Post # 6
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

That’s frustrating. However, I can see both sides of the argument.

Post # 8
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OMG, I feel you on this!  Future Mother-In-Law absoulutely HATES FH’s beard and EVERY time we see her (which is fairly regular), she tells him its gross and he needs to get rid of it.  She tried threatening him for a formal family affair about 2 years ago, and when he showed up with the beard still in tact she was so pissed.

…but she got over it.  Now she says he needs to shave it for our wedding.  As if he listens to her….

I like him with or without the beard.  No one else really cares, people only side with his mom to shut her up.

Honestly, I’m sure your FH’s family will get over it too – I mean really, what are they going to do, take a pair of scissors to his scalp and cut his hair while he sleeps?

Post # 9
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have a brother and I definatley would tell him to get his hair cut

Post # 10
Member
7408 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

It is obnoxious that she thinks she can tell a grown adult how to cut his hair.  I would not even attend the meeting tomorrow night.  God- its HAIR!

Post # 12
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

@Katnisseverdeen: why, when you know he’s growing it out for a good cause? I would be proud of that fact.

My brother officiated our wedding so he was in a LOT of pictures, and he was growing in a goatee, that didn’t look that great, but I never once said anything about it. I would never tell anyone to change their appearance for my wedding. My girls were floored when I told them they could get their hair down however they wanted, and I paid for it. They had never not been told how to do their hair. I wanted to them to be comfortable and feel awesome and like themselves

Post # 13
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you’re going through this.  However, I do see your FSIL’s point.  If my brother grew his hair like that but was only planning to cut it for his wedding, I would be furious.   Family requires sacrifice.  

When my sister got married, I was forced to dye my hair back to it’s natural color and remove the piercings I had at the time.  I was so upset, but it was her wedding, and it was important to my family. 

If you guys think this is worth a fight, I guess that’s your perogative.  As far as Mr. Bing potentially ending up resenting his family, that can go both ways, and you should think about that as your are about to marry into his family. 

Post # 14
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I would let it go for charity.  My brother always grow his hair chin length and it always looks greasy so I had a mental image of that.  

 

Post # 16
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I can’t imagine asking my friends or family to change how they look for my wedding!  This probably isn’t helpful at all, but the whole point of having them there is to honor the relationships you’ve shared with them and share the moment with the ones you love… not to look a certain way.  Who really remembers what the groomsmen looked like anyway?  I remember the bride and groom and that’s it. 

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