FSIL wants to use bridal dressing room to change outfits

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: What should I do?
    Just let her and her family change in the dressing room : (78 votes)
    48 %
    Find a seperate space for them : (27 votes)
    17 %
    You're the bride, if you don't want them in the dressing room that's okay : (39 votes)
    24 %
    Let them change in the bathroom : (19 votes)
    12 %
  • Post # 16
    Member
    2430 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: NJ

    This is a non-problem. A changing room is for anyone who wants to change, that’s it. If you don’t want to change in front of them, don’t. Don’t be there all together then. Geez.

    Post # 17
    Member
    6752 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    manga :  Think about this from their perspective–your mother and sister are using this room to change, so this is the room where the women in the family are changing. But they are not allowed. You’re not treating them as family. Can you see why they may be offended and how this choice could complicate your relationships for a long time? Is it really worth it?

    Set up a schedule so that you may have a moment to yourself to change and relax in private before the room is available to them. Where there is a will there is a way. 

    Post # 18
    Member
    7030 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2012

    Wait…I’m reading this as your ILs want to change *between the ceremony & reception*? Correct? If so, WTF is the big deal if they use the bridal sweet? You won’t even be in there, you’ll be busy having photos taken and doing all the things that brides do between the ceremony & reception.

    I think you’re making a huge deal out of nothing. They’re not asking to hang out with you in there all day while you get ready.

    Post # 19
    Member
    3882 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    There’s a whole other bathroom with a change room… what’s wrong with that?? 

    Post # 20
    Member
    235 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    beethree :  whilst I agree with some of the things you said, I think it’s rude and ballsy of the SIL to demand that she and her mother and family change in the bridal suite. I would never ever demand that of a bride. That’s so rude. Now, if she had asked nicely…that would be a different story….

    Post # 21
    Member
    29 posts
    Newbee

    See this is the stuff I find annoying. Doesn’t she know that the bridal changing space is exclusive. Suggest another space that and point out its benefits (more privacy, more lighting, etc.) 

    Post # 22
    Member
    786 posts
    Busy bee

    I’d let them have the room after you are done. If they want to change sooner then they can use the changing room attached to the bathroom. I’d be sure to explain the reasoning is because there isn’t room for you all in there at the same time so it doesn’t sound like you just don’t want them in there. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    4823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    manga :  Since the bathroom has a changing room attached, I don’t see why they can’t use that – it is intended for that purpose.   The bride change room is a quiet space for you and those helping you.    

    I can see both sides here – but with the attitude of them pushing in,  I would be afraid that once you had given them an inch, they might take a mile……

    Post # 24
    Member
    11616 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    Astra :  exactly my thoughts. The threat to not come if the OP won’t let them do this when there is an actual changing room available but somehow not good enough is what stands out for me. Because that kind of person might also going to come in in the morning while OP is getting ready and need attention re where to put their things, then they will need/demand other things and on and on it will go. 

    OP, on the face of it this seems like a reasonable request, but your FSIL’s threat/passive aggressive “joke” is what makes it more problematic. I can see why your Fiance thinks they should be able to share with you, but I can also see why you want some privacy. 

    Is this boundary pushing a one-off? If so, I’d let them change there. But if this is how they always are, then no. I wouldn’t set yourself up for a frustrating day with more threats and demands. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    989 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I agree with BalletParker :  

    It’s the demand and rudeness that set me off here. If she had asked nicely, that’s no big deal. But threats from bullies always receive a hard NO from me. 

    Future relations be damned. If you cave here, you’ll be caving to her bully tactics all your life.

    Post # 26
    Member
    6752 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    FebruaryBride026 :  Oh, I agree completely that the Future Sister-In-Law is being a pill. But I also understand why they don’t want to change in the venue bathroom, which will also be in use by all the other wedding guests, when the bride’s mom and sister are welcome to share the bridal suite. If I didn’t have a good relationship with my FILS I would be put off as the bride as well but it wouldn’t be my hill to die on. If I had a good relationship with my FILS it would be a no-brainer to let them join. I think that’s really the issue here–this choice is making it obvious to everyone that the relationship is lacking.

    Based on the sari change I am also assuming we are dealing with some cultural differences here re: privacy. Again, it doesn’t sound worth the drama it’s already causing. 

    Post # 27
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    By not letting his family use the room, it is a huge slap in the face. You’re essentially saying that your family is more important than his family, and that’s not nice.

    If I was Future Sister-In-Law, yes, I would be hurt. I’d you weren’t allowing ANY ONE to use it, that’s one thing. But to let your sister and mom in, but not HIS sister and mom in, that’s just selfish.

    Post # 28
    Member
    828 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    This all seems so weird and like it’s a problem over nothing. I get the sense that you’ve let them win a few battles, so you’re just determined not to let them run the score up any more with this changing room thing.

    If you’re just telling them to change in the bathroom where are they going to leave their reception dresses/jewelry/gear the freshen up with? In the public bathroom where anyone could walk in and take it? It would be way more convenient for them to leave it in a safe place  

    Also, why do you need this space between the ceremony and reception? Even if you’re changing at the same time, you’re going to want to get in and out and back to photos, visiting thanking your guests etc.  I just don’t imagine there will be a ton of lollygag time there. It’s not like you’re going to be chillaxing in there with champagne while the party happens outside. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    379 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2017

    Perhaps Future Sister-In-Law is already upset that she’s not in the bridal party, even though your sister is?

    Post # 30
    Member
    3448 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017 - City, State

    What’s the size of the changing room in the bathroom? Will all 5 women have to go one by one? Is it attached to the bathroom that all the guests will be using, and maybe they are concerned about all being bunched up in there waiting to change while the guests are using the bathroom? Is there a secure place in there for them to leave their belongings? If possible I’d try to find another place to change. If not, I’d let them know they could use it once I was done changing in it myself.

    Ultimately it’s up to you to decide if you want to let them use it (notice I didn’t say share it with them, but allow them to use ti after you are done with it), but I think it would be a good, painless gesture to allow them access once you are finished.

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