Post # 31
I agree that you should just try to make a schedule. I think you can nicely tell them “there will be quite a few people in there right after the ceremony while I get changed, but you are more than welcome to use it once it has cleared a little bit. I expect to be done after XX minutes.”
It does seem like if you are allowing the women in your family you use it, you should also let the women in his. I would try to keep the peace as much as possible at the beginning of your marriage.
Post # 32
Ok I get it, you want that space for yourself and the people you choose, that’s completely fine and understandable, but I feel that you’re forgetting that it’s your FI’s wedding too, and his family is just as important as yours, I get that your the bride but this day isn’t a 100% about you and YOUR needs.
Just talk to your Fiance and find a room for them, where they can feel comfortable and can be in and out whenever they want. They mentioned that they wanted this from the beginning and you totally ignored them so I can see why they feel offended, you should’ve addressed the issue much sooner.
Post # 33
Is the room pretty big? If so, I don’t think you can claim space is the issue.
It is your wedding, but it’s a big day for them, too. I think it’s silly and selfish to punt all 5 of them to the changing area of a bathroom. Surely you can A) share the bridal suite for a few minutes or B) find them another nice room to utilize.
I also don’t think that just because you’re the bride you need every single second of the day to be relaxing and peaceful for you. You can deal with 20 min of chaos while they come into your room and change dresses like everyone else. Take a breath, get yourself ready and let them do the same. Don’t make this a family feud and get your marriage off to a rocky start with his family over a dressing room.
Post # 34
Just let them change in the room.
Post # 35
I would let them be in the bridal suite. Be the bigger person DH’s brother’s SIL, whom I really don’t get along with, showed up at my bridal suite unannounced and parked herself in there with my Mother-In-Law, whom I love. I didn’t mind at first, but when she overstayed her welcome, I asked my wedding planner (do you have one?) to tell everyone that’s not part of the Wedding Party to leave and move to the ceremony site.
Post # 36
starfish0116 : No, I’ll be in there too, changing into my second outfit at that time.
Post # 37
catskillsinjune : 1) I’m changing outfits because I’m the bride and have a second dress. I wasn’t aware that people change outfits at weddings. (people that aren’t in the bridal party)
2) Yeah, you’re right. I just thought they had decided to change somewhere else. Stupid of me.
Post # 38
beethree : I guess you’re right. My sister and mother are in the bridal party. My SIL is also much older and already married. I’m going to try to set up a schedule, I think.
Post # 39
edit: didn’t see the third page. Glad to hear they’re being accommodated.
Post # 40
I would find them another spot. If you allow them to change there, you’ll have additional stuff in the room. I think it is understandable to have your mom and your sister in there. They are the familly members you grew up with. They should be with your while you get ready.
The future SIL makes you uncomfortable. I’d find them another spot to change on your wedding day.
Post # 41
- Wedding: January 2021 - City, State
I think you need to find out if they need to leave stuff in there also, before deciding.
i don’t think you’ve handled this particularly well, you’ve just put your foot down and said no, for no good reason other than one person makes you feel uncomfortable
Post # 42
I really don’t understand why everyone is telling you that you have to compromise on this. Here’s my take on it:
- First and foremost, you are the bride. As everyone is very fond of saying on this site, you only get one day – make sure you do what makes you happy. Also, it’s called the bridal suite for a reason! It’s 100% your call as to who you surround yourself with on the day.
- Your Future Sister-In-Law makes you uncomfortable and makes comments about your weight and body. This is so not okay on any day, but especially not on your wedding day! Don’t open yourself up to that kind of drama on your wedding day.
- It’s very normal for a bride to change her dress between the ceremony and reception – but I have never heard of anyone else doing so. I don’t think your Future Mother-In-Law or Future Sister-In-Law should be making any kinds of demands in relation to a change of outfit. If they want to change clothes so badly, they can sort out the logistics for themselves.
- You have given them an alternative – i.e. the bathroom with the attached changing section. If they want something fancier, they can book a room for themselves. They shouldn’t be expecting to use your bridal suite.
- Would they be leaving their ceremony outfits etc. in the bridal suite? I’m not sure, but I’m guessing that you and your FH will be coming back to the bridal suite after the reception for your wedding night – do you really want your Future Sister-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law traipsing back to your room to collect their things afterwards?
- This is FI’s family – speak to him, and make sure he is the one relaying this info to his mother and sister. You need to have a united front.
Post # 43
I might be reading too much into this, but I get the feeling the issue is bigger than use of the bridal suite. It sounds like there is significant tension between you and your future in-laws that is making you feel uncomfortable around them. You certainly wouldn’t be the first to have issues with in-laws, especially when they’re female! I’ve noticed the dynamic in a lot of families that the female in-laws can be especially critical of the new sister/daughter-in-law, and it sounds like there may be a bit of that here considering what you said about FSIL’s comments. Would you be more willing to share your suite with someone you really liked personally?
If this is anything close to case, I would advise acknowledging that the issue goes beyond use of the room and to keep the long term goals in perspective. If there are already interpersonal issues now, there could be many more if they interpret your behavior in “simple” decisions like this one as hostile. This, at the beginning of your marriage and joining the family, is probably an important time in terms of establishing what the dynamic will be between you and your in-laws (that goes both ways of course). Being accommodating, even if it feels crappy right now, will probably go a long way in establishing a positive relationship in the future, which should be the ultimate goal since you’ll have to interact with these people for a long time. Conversely, missteps at this “trial” time could significantly damage chances for peaceable relationships later on.
I do feel your pain though! They sound difficult, and it’s often tough to be the new woman in the family!
Post # 44
Where is the groom and groomsmen getting dressed? Can his side of the family take over that room after the ceremony?
Post # 45
Thanks for your feedback everyone! His family has agreed to change in an alternative space. They said that they are okay with it, but I’m not sure if they really are. I’m going to keep the schedule idea in my back pocket!