(Closed) FSIL Wearing Two Dresses to Wedding?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Is it ok for FSIL to wear two dresses to my wedding?
    Yes : (66 votes)
    49 %
    No : (69 votes)
    51 %
  • Post # 46
    Member
    8573 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Treala :  I think that vulgar prom version of a wedding dress that your Future Mother-In-Law plans on is worse than the Future Sister-In-Law one. Clearly they are both mannerless attention seekers.  Poor you OP, two of them! I can only second the pp who suggested your Fiance attempts an intervention. Maybe you could arm him with a couple of links/articles on wedding approriate attire?

    Post # 47
    Member
    554 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    We constantly hear on the Bee that a BMs only job is to wear the dress & be there on the day. It’s disappointing for you that she can’t even fulfil the bare minimum. Sorry you have to deal with your difficult almost family in law!

    Post # 48
    Member
    1862 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Fsil and Fmil will only upstage you if you are having a “who can be the most trashy” contest.  Just wear your bridal gown and look classy.  It will be apparent to everyone that they are narcissistic attention-seekers who are not up on etiquette.  I would not even drop to their level by trying to engage in any further discussion with them.  They want to come across a certain way, for who knows what reason.  Just let them.  It will make you look even classier by comparison.

    Post # 49
    Member
    767 posts
    Busy bee

    why should you SIL stand out from the other bridesmaids? sounds silly to me. Maybe she’s trying to nap a guys attention or something. It’s your night, everyone knows it, you’ll probably be so busy you won’t even notice her anyway. Don’t worry about it.

    Post # 50
    Member
    6441 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Treala :  Looks like FMIL’s dress is freaking ugly.  As for your SIL, you’re marrying into this family, be aware of how your FDH handles this.  I had a bad relationship with my Mother-In-Law in the first year of my relationship with my Darling Husband, but it all came to a head about a year into our marriage and everything blew over and everything was fixed, but that was becasue both sides wanted to fix it.  I would say that it sounds like both your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law are petty and I’m not sure if your FDH is going to want to be the referee for the rest of your marriage.  Even though my Darling Husband is the love of my life and the father of my child, I would have never stayed with him if all I saw for my future was him being a referree between me and his mother.

    Post # 51
    Member
    3064 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    Treala :  eh I would let it go. There was one wedding where I considered doing the same thing because the bridesmaids dress was soooo uncomfortable. I wound up getting drunk and forgetting to change lol

    Maybe she just doesnt like the dress? Either way nobody will notice, seriously. 

    Post # 52
    Member
    411 posts
    Helper bee

    I don’t get the whole thing: I don’t see why she would want to change but I also don’t really get why it would matter to you. I mean, after dinner, all your important pics are done, it’s really not important that she match anymore. I’d let this one go.

    Post # 53
    Member
    4823 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    Treala :  Commenting again after seeing the photo of FMIL’s dress which looks exactly like a wedding dress.

    I certainly hope your Fiance can talk some sense into his mom and his sister.   Can you leave them out of most of the photos?  Good grief.  

    Post # 54
    Member
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Let her.  I was a bridesmaid for my sister’s wedding.  I was 8 months pregnant and had cholestasis (basically 24 hour a day crazy itching.. it’s a liver thing).  After the ceremony, my lovely sister let me wear yoga pants and a flowy top because she’s just that amazing.  Literally, no one noticed.  No one stared, commented, or asked me where my dress was or why I changed.  I think in your case, even if they do notice, they’ll either think that you let her change becuase maybe she was sensitive to the original dress material (which makes you look like a lovely person) or that she is an attention whore (which makes her a ridiculous one).  Either way, no one will think any less of you.

    Post # 55
    Member
    1188 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    Treala :  As for your Future Mother-In-Law… people will just think she’s trying to take away attention from the bride and groom.  They’ll see her as a ridiculously petty woman who obviously doesn’t care about anyone’s happiness but her own.  Again, they will not think any less of you.  They’ll probably pity you and hope you plan on moving a few states away from her soon.  Heck, maybe they’ll throw an extra $20 in the card to help with that plan.  I would 😛

    Post # 56
    Member
    364 posts
    Helper bee

    Treala :  you aren’t being crazy at all, but nobody’s going to steal your spotlight so you might as well ignore these screams for attention (everyone else at the wedding will). My mom changed outfits at my first wedding even though I never changed. She went from a blue lowcut dress to a lowcut shiny silver pantsuit. It made her feel good to plan that out and I said nothing. I’m sure some ppl noticed or complimented her since it must have been obvious that that’s what she wanted.

    Since your Future Sister-In-Law is a bridesmaid and is wearing a dress you agreed upon for pictures and your ceremony, I think your say over what she wears ends there. Yes, it’s silly of her to change, but really it won’t negatively impact your wedding for you or your Fiance, so who cares. Let it go. Be the bigger person and focus on what actually matters. 

    ETA: just saw your FMIL’s dress. She’s going to look ridiculous. Ppl will pity her for not being more mature and feel bad for you for her trying to steal attention. This will earn you points w your Fiance. I was shocked by how much my first husband took my side when I returned his parents’s awful behavior regarding our wedding w kindness. I didn’t even tell my exH anything his parents said or did at our wedding (including his mom repeatedly saying that I had gained a lot of weight – which I definitely had not) until after. He made it up to me times three. Do the same and turn the other cheek to this foolish behavior of your Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law and your Fiance should appreciate it and reward you that much more. 

    Post # 57
    Member
    4533 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Treala :  it is not worth the stress so just let it go. She will honestly seem like she is trying to out do the bride and most people will just have a secret smirk about it on the day.

    You can always have a secret ‘oopsy’ with the red wine on her second dress so she will have to change back into the original!!! 😉

    Just joking about the wine but I hope you got a  little chuckle from imaging yourself do it!! 😉 

     Edited: just saw your FMILs dress….holy moly!! Nobody will notice your SIL changing dresses because they will be too busy commenting on what your Mother-In-Law is wearing. I’d say spill some wine on her but with the majority of that dress being mesh fabric I don’t think that fabric will absorb a stain!!!

    Try get your fiancé to casually ask his mum what she is wearing and try to dissuade her from wearing it without looking like you had any influence. Could your fiance get Father-In-Law on his side to try talk some sense into Future Mother-In-Law. My dad is no prude but if my mum pulled out a  see through dress with a few strategic placed beads and fabric pieces at her age he would have something to say!! Good luck bee I can see why you are worried about it all!

    Post # 58
    Member
    2013 posts
    Buzzing bee

    “Okay, Future Sister-In-Law, if you REALLY want to change into a second dress then fine, go ahead. Just know that it’s weeeeeird” (said while looking embarrassed for her).

    10 bucks says they both switch their focus from you and start trying to outdo each other instead. Good news is they’ll probably take it so far, they’ll end up making fools of themselves and that’s when lessons are learned.

    Post # 59
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    I wouldn’t care, but I’d definitely roll my eyes at Future Sister-In-Law trying to “stand out”. She sounds self-centered for sure, but trust me, no one will even be looking at her. You’re the bride and all eyes will be on you!

    Post # 60
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2016

    It is a tad strange for your Future Sister-In-Law to want to change dresses since you basically let her do her own thing for Bridesmaid or Best Man dress. However, dont let it stress you. Just let her know that you need to her to not change until after the ceremony and pics are completed. Was very nice to hear your Fiance standing up for you. Hope you gave him lots of love for it. smile  And after reading what your Future Sister-In-Law is changing into and seeing the dress your Future Mother-In-Law is wearing, sounds like they are trying to coordinate with each other. Maybe I am wrong. But if this is the craziest thing for your wedding, not that horrible. 

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