Post # 1
So I just assumed it was tradition/expected to ask my two FSILs to be bridesmaids! They are lovely girls who have been very sweet to me and I am really excited to get to know them better (they live far away but we are about to move to their city) although I do not know them especially well right now.
I’m a little nervous to ask them, because in my heart I worry that they won’t WANT to be BMs. We all know that being a Bridesmaid or Best Man is a big responsibility, it can take a lot of time and money, and these girls are nearly 10yrs older than me and already have families and busy lives! I’m worried that they will consider it a burden/annoyance, or that they will think my wedding/plans are silly. Again, they’ve never expressed this to me– they’re just so cool and sophisticated and established, I have trouble imagining them doing silly bachelorette things for instance.
So I do want to ask them but I’m nervous about it, and I also want to ask my close friends since I know I can rely on them and we have all been through so much together. But I’ve never wanted a huge wedding party (our wedding is going to be 120-150 I think), and if I do FSILs and friends it will be like 5-8 BMs!
Is that too many? Should I do just FSILs? Or just friends? Or everyone, and hope it will be a blast?
What did you do, bees?
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2015 - Backyard Forest
@PromiseRooster: I plan to have two boys in my wedding party because they are my people and not my SO’s. So I’m not conventional. I would either have your friends or a big wedding party.
I think they’d be honoured to be asked… and what is your FH’s wedding party number? I think that would help me make the decision.
Post # 4
I have two FSILs (FI’s little sister and FI’s SIL), and I asked the little sister. I can’t stand the SIL, so there was no way in hell I’d ask her, even if someone told me that I “had” to.
Post # 5
@PromiseRooster: I asked my sister and my Future Sister-In-Law. I already had 8 girlfriends I wanted to be bridesmaids, but I felt it would be better to not leave anyone out, so I had a total wedding party of 10. My husband had 10 as well including my 2 brothers.
Post # 6
i have 4 sisters in law and they were not in my wedding. we wanted a small bridal party, so if i’d added my sisters in law to the mix i would have had 7 bridesmaids and that was too many for me. i also felt like it would have been a financial burden on them and i know my husband and i would have gotten stuck paying for dresses for at least 2 of them.
i think you should keep your bridal party on the small side, since that’s what you want. and maybe ask your sisters in law to be readers or something.
Post # 7
@PromiseRooster: I didn’t ask either of them. I have one sister (my MOH) and Fiance has one brother (Best Man) and two sisters. He wasn’t in his sister’s wedding, so he says its totally fine not to ask them (one of them I’ve only met once).
We are asking his other sister’s kids to be the ringbearer and flower girl and plan on having their mom/his sis walk down with them.
I only have 3, and really didn’t want more, but there’s nothing wrong with having five and including them. I stressed about asking people and everyone was thrilled to do it, even though I worried they wouldn’t want to (why, I have no idea, since I was pleased and flattered every time I was asked).
Post # 8
I asked my Future Sister-In-Law to be in my wedding party because my fiance wanted me too. I wouldn’t have done it on my own accord (mostly because I hate her freaking guts). But I am sure your FSIL’s would be honored. I would at least ask them and get the option. I was not in my borther’s wedding and honestly I was a little hurt to not even be asked.
I have 11 bridesmaids total.
Post # 9
@vorpalette: Sounds like a good choice! I can’t imagine having anyone I really didn’t like, and anyway she’s your FI’s SIL and not his actual sister so I feel like it’s different. My Fiance has a brother and when he gets married I would never expect the bride to ask me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man just because I’m her fiance’s brother’s wife!
Post # 10
There is definitely no expectation that you ask them – you should ask them if you genuinely want them to be part of the day. 🙂 They can participate in all of the extra stuff as much or as little as they have time and energy for (and you can see from the boards here that there are extremely varying levels of bridesmaid participation!).
Post # 11
@hotpinkbride: If you don’t mind my asking, how many guests did you have at your wedding? And did you enjoy having a 20 person bridal party?
People keep telling me I should have like…3, but then I either leave out his sisters or not have my own friends, and neither option would make me happy!
Post # 12
@lilchicana: Were they all your FI’s sisters, or his SILs as well, or something else? I would just feel so bad leaving them out, but I agree I’d be overwhelmed having a big party…maybe I’ll talk to them honestly, because if they felt it was a financial strain and didn’t want to I would TOTALLY understand.
Post # 13
@MaryRachel: Haha I totally feel you, I would love to be asked to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but I can’t imagine why anyone would want to be MY Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’m so nervous about it!
Post # 14
@sm_usagi: Thank you for the advice! I think I may need to wait a little while and get to know them better so I have a feeling for what they would be happiest with.
Post # 15
@PromiseRooster: We invited ~400 guests. We had somewhere between 250-260 guests actually attend. I did enjoy having a large bridal party, but looking back I would have been okay with a smaller party as well. A few of those friendships aren’t quite as close as they were, but that’s okay.
Post # 16
@PromiseRooster: In my circle, asking the future Future Sister-In-Law is pretty normal.
I had only 3 bridesmaids, my best friend as my Maid/Matron of Honor, my Future Sister-In-Law at the time, and my other SIL (my brother’s wife). They all were happy to be asked and hoped they would get to be included. I decided to limit it at the 3 because I had so many other good friends I couldn’t choose between, no one could argue with me about my BFF and family members.