Post # 1
For years now, I have known I wanted to get married in the fall due to my absolute love for the season. Finally, my boyfriend of nearly 4 years proposed! Hooray…I get to plan the wedding of my dreams…except right after he did (like within 30 min) his family tells me his sister is also engaged and they have picked a venue and a date..fall of 2012. And to top it off, his mother said we have to give her a few months between weddings. Seriously deflated my excitement and kicked me off cloud 9.
Anyway, my fiancé suggested a spring 2013 wedding, which would be all well and good except that it’s not the fall. I keep trying to talk myself into it, but matter what I tell myself, I can’t let go of a fall wedding and seriously am having issues getting excited about planning my wedding now. And yes, I could get married fall of 2013, but I really don’t want to be engaged over 2 years.
I’m not looking for answers, I just can’t really express my disappointment vocally because I know my fiancé would get upset that I’m disappointed and talk to his mother and sister, but I don’t want to stir up any problems. It’s not like anyone could have known this in advance and so it really is a complete accident, but it’s just eating at me and I needed to get it off my chest.
Post # 3
I’m sorry you’re so disappointed… is there a reason your Future Mother-In-Law wants a few months in between? I don’t know if you were wanting your help, but as of right now my Future Mother-In-Law hasn’t been involved in my planning, I’ve pretty much done everything on my own or with Fiance (by choice, I’m sure she’d help if I asked). Or are you relying on her to contribute to the cost? I could understand these reasons but if you’re planning and paying yourselves, maybe you could reason with Future Mother-In-Law that it wouldn’t matter how close together they are and you could do a September wedding?
ETA: I can’t believe I forgot to say Congrats on your engagement! Try to focus on that to bring your mood up 🙂
Post # 4
I would let your Fiance go ahead and talk to his mom too, and say that you’ve always wanted a fall wedding too, and just didn’t want to say anything before you’re engaged, and that it’s difficult because the two of you are excited to start planning but disappointed to alter your plans around his sister’s when you have wanted a fall wedding just as long and are engaged first.
I’m also curious what the reason is for wanting a few months between – is this for the benefit of Out of Town family, and if so are you planning on having a big wedding like his sister probably is? Or is it financially?
Post # 4
Ugh I’m sorry. 🙁 These types of things really suck. At least you can talk it out with the hive! 🙂
Post # 5
@Galloway111 Thanks! Congrats to you too!! I’m so happy to be engaged; I have been (not so patiently) waiting for him to propose and I’m still can’t really believe it. Besides the date, there are probably a couple other reasons I’m not as excited as I thought I would be.
For the few months leading up to the proposal, I has convinced myself that being engaged wasnt a huge deal because it was all I could think about as so many of my friends we getting married/engaged. The other may be that I didn’t get through a glass of celebratory champagne before they had switched topics to my FSIL’s wedding. Ugh. I sound bitter and I guess I sort of am. :/
I have no idea if his family is contributing. We’ve been engaged a little over 2 weeks. She is very easily overwhelmed and I feel like she just wants a few months to decompress and would sort of freak a bit if we made it a month before or after my FSIL’s wedding. Plus, I don’t want to steal her thunder or have her think I want to steal her thunder.
Post # 6
Also, thanks for the support! I’m glad I can at least vent here. I feel so awful/selfish/petty about being disappointed over the season, especially since regardless, I’ll be marrying my best friend and that’s all that matters. It does just suck though. I truly am in love with the fall and have had visions of a fall wedding for years. Oh well.
I get to see both my maids of honor this weekend (I never see them, especially not together) and so hopefully they will be able to get me excited about things and see planning this as something fun and not and not so completely overwhelming.
Post # 7
How close are you with the FSIL? If you get along well, then maybe give her a call to chat about wedding plans and just tell her that you have been dreaming of a fall wedding for a very long time but that you wanted to let her know before you set anything in stone. Then you can feel her out for whether she thinks its a big deal. If you wanted to play extra nice about it, you could even ask her if she has a preference for which wedding comes first. But I think a month or more in between the weddings is plenty of time. If she is gracious about it, then Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t have a leg to stand on. I think you should do what you want, but try to be diplomatic (but firm) about it with the family.
Post # 8
Think about this, you can have a fall wedding feel, and get a lot of DIY stuff in the fall of 2012 on clearance! You buy it all early and have all winter DIY and by the time spring comes, your wedding is done and at half the cost.
Doesn’t matter the season you get married, if you want a fall wedding, have a fall wedding! I know, the trees and season aren’t the same, but you can make any day feel like any season you want.
You want orange, black and brown for you colors….score! Everything will be on sale and you can save tons of money and have the wedding of your dreams! 🙂
I know you didn’t want answers, and I get it, just thought I would share the brighter side.
Post # 9
@Miss. Snowball: Hi 5! Your so right!
Post # 10
Hello doll. Miss Snowball has GREAT advice.
My suggestion, though, get married next fall. When is her date? My understanding is that traditionally it’s the BRIDE’s parents that do more of the planning. Of course, there are exceptions, but my parent’s aren’t even paying and are still the ones helping us plan. It’s because it’s the mother-daughter bond, usually. His parents have input, and I’d love for them to contribute as much as possible. But in my experience with myself and with others I’ve seen plan, the majority of the input was geared towards the bride’s own family. So unless you are super close with your Future Mother-In-Law (in which case, can’t you explain to her that this is what you’ve always wanted), I’d say be sweet, considerate, plan a gap, but have yourself a fall wedding!
Of course, if you just want a fall wedding to have a fall wedding, that’s different. My advice more or less lies in the fact that you also want to have your anniversary in the fall. Things like this were important to me. Yeah, any date is great because it’s YOUR date, but I’m the type of person that wants to have a meaningful anniversary date. With that being said, we wanted the June wedding because we have summer birthdays and it was important to us that we get that “season of celebration” feel since we grew up loving the summer. Therefore, a June wedding and anniversary date was important. So, if you could care less about the actual date, then I’d go with Miss Snowball. If it’s important to you that your anniversary is Septemer-November (beautiful months, by the way), then go with it! If she’s September, do November, and vice versa. I say just plan at least a month in between. If she’s October 15, do after Thanksgiving, great cheap things, as well.
Things to consider. =) Just remember, it is YOUR wedding day. Yeah, family input is important, but if you’re going to regret your DATE and your season, you need to really do some re-evaluation.
Good luck! 🙂