(Closed) FTM, Breastfeeding twins, so frustrated….

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 2
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

fresitachulita:  Don’t feel bad about supplementing if you have to.  Having two babies is twice the work and it can get old being a moving buffet 24 hours a day.  Have you tried the local La Leche League?  They sometimes have twin moms that they can pair you up with for advice.

Also, it sounds like you are completely overwhelmed caring for two infants at once.  Is there a friend or family member that can come and help out for a few days or weeks?  Even if it’s just for a few hours during the day or a few days a week.  I know it can be hard asking for help, especially if they are criticizing what you’re doing but if you need help, ask for it.  And when they get judgey tell them to shut the F up; you’ve cleared the issue with their doctor and unless they have an M.D. behind their name, their advice doesn’t trump the babies’ pediatrician.

Post # 3
11747 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

fresitachulita:  you’re awesome for trying your best!!! That’s all you can do. I had a prett easy time with Boyfriend or Best Friend ONE baby and it was still incredibly frustrating. I will say that after 6 weeks it got SO Mucj easier! I gave myself two goals initially – 6 and 12 weeks. I just made it to 12 and it’s night and day from 6 which was so much better than 3. If you want to do it you can and it will get easier! If you have to supplement or stop altogether that’s okay too! A happy momma makes for happy babies!! Whatever you choose is the right decision. You got this!!!

Post # 4
8444 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

fresitachulita:  *HUGS* I don’t have much advice, but I’ll probably be joining you in the frustration in just a few months.  Hopefully things will be easier for you by then and you’ll be the one giving me suggestions 🙂

Post # 5
1797 posts
Buzzing bee

I agree with PP that there is no shame asking for help if you’re feeling overwhelmed. Summer break is coming, so is there anyway that you could pay a responsible high school student or are there any family members that could come even for just a few hours to help with feedings and getting stuff done around the house? Even if it’s just until you get into a routine it could help a lot. 

Post # 6
1088 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Hugs!  I know it’s not exactly what you want to hear, but forumla isn’t the end of the world.  My sister could not produce milk after a surgery when she was young, and my niece and nephew were formula only from day 1.  You’re trying your best, but don’t feel guilty about supplementing.  Yes, its supposed to be natural and easy, but isn’t getting pregnant supposed to be as well?  It’s ok to ask for help, and to know when you’ve hit your limit.

Post # 7
894 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014 - Church and University

You are doing AMAZING!  I’d be in a puddle of tears sun up to sun down and even if that’s what you’re doing, you’re still doing AMAZING!!!!  At 3 weeks, you’re in the thick of it right now, mama.  You’re frustrated, tired, lonely, bored, healing, hungry, hot, thirsty, grumpy, sad all at the same time…..but know you’re doing amazingly well.  Do they have wet diapers? Then you’re succeeding. Are they in an orphanage with no human interaction? No, so you’re succeeding.  Breastfeeding is so so so so so hard, and it’s something you really can’t prepare for.  And you’re right in the middle it.

You’re doing GREAT, mama….just take it an hour at a time.  You might remember these moments, but they won’t.  You’re there for them, that’s all that matters right now. Big BIG hugs.

Post # 9
46653 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

fresitachulita:  Congratulations on the babies!  I always said if I was going to have a multiple birth I’d rather have triplets because then people flood you with help. Moms with twins are just expected to cope.

Most moms with single babies are only just starting to get breastfeeding established at 3 weeks, so don’t be too hard on yourself for still working on it with twins.

As long as they are peeing regularly they are getting enough milk- whether that is breast milk or formula.



Post # 10
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

First off, you are an amazing mother. Deep breath, exhale. Breastfeeding is great, but it is not the end goal–raising a healthy, happy, functioning adult is the goal! It’s okay if breastfeeding doesn’t look like a La Leche League pamphlet cover for you. Formula supplements are okay. I suspect you are your own harshest critic here, but (I’ll say it because it was true for me) guilt or shame about needing to supplement (even if it is just to keep your sanity) can sour your relationship with your babies if you don’t deal with it and move forward. You are doing your very best, formula is not the devil, and sometimes what’s best for your babies is that you just enjoy spending time with them in their feeds instead of fretting yourself sick about how many ounces of breastmilk they’re getting and worrying it’s not enough. 

As a mother, you will always have that niggling feeling of ‘not enough’, especially with twins. I’m learning how to deal with this in all sorts of new permutations as they get older… not enough time, not enough attention… it can be a black hole that just sucks the life out of you if you let it. Mommy guilt is real x2 with twins. 

I know how you feel. That disappointment of finding breastfeeding such a challenge with two and of not being able to EBF is hard. We had most of the issues you’re talking about, plus a case of oral thrush. Tandem feeding never worked like I’d hoped it would because they never seemed to stay latched properly and it was so hard to get them to re-attach with that massive pillow and another eater! I never managed to EBF, but I did manage to breastfeed with supplementation for the first three months. It wasn’t what I’d wanted, and it was hard the whole time, but it was okay. It was enough. 

Have you thought of taking a little 24-hour break from breastfeeding and just pumping during that time while you or someone else gives them bottles (EBM or formula or both)? A little ‘vacation’ when I was ready to quit did wonders for my morale. 

There’s a really good message board for mums of multiples here: http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/multiple_births

I found the girls there really helpful on this sort of thing for morale and support and twin-specific issues. These things (breastfeeding issues, discouragement) come up all the time on there! 

Just to re-iterate, it sounds like you’re doing a fab job as a mum, and I have no doubt that your boys are fiercely loved. Keep it up, mama. 🙂 

Post # 11
1301 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I just wanted to say that you are doing AWESOME and that it will get easier! I totally second the idea to get in contact with your local LLL, I’m sure they’ll be able to put you in touch with somebody who can come and help you out with your feeding routines and practices. My other thought was about finding out if there is a multiple birth organisation in your area? Sound’s like you could definitely do with some support and practical advice from people who have been there, done that!

Keep up the amazing work!

Post # 12
1401 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Oh, I meant to add some tandem feeding hacks!

– get a pumping bra and try pumping one boob while feeding the other baby–your let-down is better that way and you can then give the milk at the next feed. Something about tandem feeding does help with better let-down, though I’m not sure why. 

– put one in a car seat or bouncer and give them their bottle with one hand whilst holding and breastfeeding the other one. Two bouncers or car seats for two bottles, either side of you on the floor leaning against the couch whilst watching… I don’t know… Friends or something. 🙂

– for two bottles, you can also sit on the floor or bed with your heels pulled in close to your body (knees sticking out and bottoms of feet touching each other) and prop a baby up in either knee.

–  try putting one baby in a Moby wrap or other carrier to feed hands-free so that you can hold and cuddle the bottle feeder at the same time


Post # 13
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

fresitachulita:  Please give yourself more credit. You’re a FTM to twins. That is a HUGE deal. I have one baby, and I struggled so much the first week. I can’t imagine having two!

You are doing a great job, and as long as they are getting milk and gaining weight, that is all that matters. And you know what? If you have to supplement, then do so.

Keep up the good work, mama. It will all be ok!

Post # 14
2815 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wish I could offer you some advice, but I have very little.

I just wanted to tell you not to be hard on yourself. They’re getting some breastmilk, which is beneficial for them in SO many ways. Don’t worry if you need to supplement.

Post # 15
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

fresitachulita:  Hey i rarely log on anymore but I saw your post and just wanted to tell you all of us May moms are on a fb group and there has been a lot of chat lately about breast feeding struggles, cuz we all seem to be struggling. Pm me  if you want to join us. Good luck and congrats!

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