(Closed) F/U: I called off the engagement

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
387 posts
Helper bee

I hope you two can work it out, it seems like you have a good thing going on. He needs to start standing up to his family though. Counselling sounds like a good idea.

Post # 33
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

๐Ÿ™    I read your post last night and i’m so sad to read this one today. It seems like you love each other sooooo much, I hate this for 2 people who seem so happy together otherwise. I really hope you will be able to work things out. ((((((HUG)))))) i’m so sorry ๐Ÿ™

Post # 34
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@SoontobeMrsA: 

I see now.

I wish you all the best. If he chooses you, he chooses you. Please don’t feel guilty if that ends up being the case.

Someone once told me “His family will not be around forever. So a man chooses a wife and to her he is loyal”

It’s horrible they can’t just let all of you be happy. I would, however, let him make his choice.

Post # 35
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@SoontobeMrsA: Severing all ties and creating distance are two different things. The fact that he is supporting you and Little A are huge factors that cannot be ignored. I don’t know how close you live to them or how often you see them, but I think starting to go see them less often will be a sure indicator to them that their actions are not ok. It is their loss not to be in your lives not the other way around. And yes they should be ashamed of themselves but I am sure in their eyes they have done nothing wrong. So keep your distance and eventually things will if not get better at least become a non existant problem.

Post # 38
Member
1373 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

He doesn’t have to choose. Or rather, he shouldn’t have to. If he stood up to them in terms where they took him seriously and realized it really WAS going to be you or them, they’d have no choice but to straighten up. He’s just let it go on too long and now they know they can get away with it. He might not like confrontation, but he can’t have it both ways either. If he wants you to stick around, he has to MAKE them treat you with respect. 

Post # 39
Member
7321 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I think you two should run like hell to the courthouse and elope. Once you’re a legally united front everyone can either put up or shut up.

Post # 40
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Well, he certainly made the right decision! You choose your wife, you don’t choose family–but you still have to deal with it.  Hopefully a bit of distance will help.

Post # 41
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Oh love. I’m so sorry ๐Ÿ™ I must have missed your post last night.

I’m so proud of you for doing this. I hate that you have to both be hurt in the process. but having the constant belittling from his family has got to be so unbearable.

Stay strong…keep us posted.

xoxo!

Post # 42
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SoontobeMrsA: I’m so glad to hear it! Now you have to do something really difficult: ACCEPT HIS DECISION! Stand up for yourself enough to set boundaries and above all, communicate with Mr. A when you are uncomfortable! He has made his choice, you now need to respect that and help him by telling him what you need from him, even if what you need is never to see his family again, lol.

Post # 43
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

If his mother is so old and in failing health, AND he is willing to fight for you/stand up for you/make changes….can this not have a happy ending? If she will likely die soon, and the time till then is such a small percentage of the life you will have together with this man you love…is it really worth it to walk away?

Post # 44
Member
37 posts
Newbee

I usually lurk and don’t post, but I just had to say I’m so sorry that you and your daughter are stuck in the middle of this.

Maybe this is a good way to look at it… you say that you don’t want to make him chose, but he’s not the one making the choice.  He is standing up for you and saying that you and your daughter are important and that he wants you both in his life, and that he will not tolerate his family mistreating you.  His FAMILY is the one that is making the choice – to continue to act like this and push him out of their life.  Don’t penalize him for standing up and doing the right thing.  If there is an estrangement, it will be because of his family’s behavior and bad choices, not because he is a good person with a sense of decency.

I also agree that moving might be a good idea to make things less stressful for all of you.

Post # 45
Member
7039 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Also, I wanted to say that YOU can cut his family out without HIM doing so. Just don’t ever speak to them/see them. If he chooses to do so, that’s his business…but there’s no reason why you have to.

The topic ‘F/U: I called off the engagement’ is closed to new replies.

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