(Closed) F/U To acting like a wife thread

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2098 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I would just tell him no and leave the wife part out of it. Buy him a maid service.

 

But I just want to add that in all my years of dating, I never cleaned someone’s house. We are adults. It’s his responsibility. Just because you are in a relationship doesn’t mean we automatically take on roles. It’s nice if we want to do something for someone, but I don’t feel he should be asking you. Why can’t he hire a maid?

Post # 4
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

You should probably have another talk with him. Good communication is key is any sucessful relationship.

Also, while relationships require an element of forgiveness, you should forgive everything that happens. You should forgive your SO if they go to the store and forget to pick up milk b/c it’s a simple mistake. You should not forgive your SO for not showing you the affection and love you need. If you need him to do acts of service for you, have communicated this need and he still ignores it (or intentionally rescinds a service act to hurt you) you are in the wrong relationship and should move on.

Post # 5
Member
3691 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

You don’t live together and he thinks you should clean his house?  No freaking way!  You’ve got your own place to clean, and he should be cleaning his.  

Post # 6
Member
7174 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I didn’t see the other thread, but good for you for saying no!

And.. I don’t like the fact he acted out because he didn’t get what he wanted.

Let me ask you this – if you were to have another talk with him – what would you say?  What do you feel is left to communicate?

And, yes, while relationships are a lot of forgiving, I’d tread very cautiously.  To me, it’s all about how your partner handles themself after being upset, and so far, he’s showing you his true colors.  Pay attention, because stuff like this (behavior / responses) don’t change overnight.

Post # 7
Member
1481 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Umm if you don’t live together you should NOT clean his house! I’ve helped SO pick up stuff around the house but he’s always been right next to me (and vice versa). I would never ever clean my SO’s house unless he was physically unable to do so – i.e. sick, injured, etc.

Post # 8
Member
9627 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

You don’t live together, you should not clean his house. He should clean his own house! And even when you live together and are married you shouldn’t be doing all the housework! He should be doing housework too!

Post # 9
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MrsWe:  I can’t get over the idea that it sounds like he wants a maid more than a wife.  You are “acts of kindness” and it doesn’t sound like you are going to get much from this guy.  Other than the occasional handyman job, what other acts of kindness does he do for you?

Post # 10
Member
1448 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@MrsWe:  I think you need to find someone who you can truly communicate successfully with.  The feelings you are having are because something is wrong with the situation you are in now.

Post # 11
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think it’s give and take. If he offered to do your wall its because he is kind and lives you and wants to perform a service for you. I don’t think it would be so difficult to have said ok, you’re doing something for me, ill clean your house, bathroom, kitchen, vacume… whatever chore. at the same time making it clear this is payback for the wall favor and not to be taken as a regular occurance. 

I have a real issue with you using terms and phrases “Acting like a Wife” its not at all about that. It’s about giving and taking and you 2 are not on the same page.

Post # 12
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i would never clean my boyfriends house if i dont live with him.

Darling Husband and i split the chores of the house. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

It’s one thing if you clean around the house that isn’t yours out of your common courtesy. It’s another if he seriously gives you an effing order to do it. Tell him to GROW UP and call a nanny if he wants someone to come over and clean.

Post # 14
Member
1541 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

are you spending lots of time at his place and possibly made the mess? Did he just ask you to clean his house without him helping at all?

There were times before SO and I lived together that I’d help tidy up his place if I spent lots of time there or if he was cleaning, I’d chip in.

If he just wants a maid, I’d run away from that!

It’s good to really get to know who you’re getting involved with after the honeymoon phase

Post # 16
Member
855 posts
Busy bee

Do you think maybe you should talk about it NOT in terms of marriage, but in terms of it being HIS HOUSE and not yours??

 

You both seem to be using marriage as a weapon and it’s just not right. “I won’t do this because I’m not your wife yet!” just seems really… petty. You’re right, you shouldn’t be cleaning his house – but not because you’re not his wife. Because you have your own house to clean and he shouldn’t be lazy.

 

Although I do have to ask deeper… by clean, does he mean he wants you to come over and do the dusting/vaccumming/clean his bathrooms etc, or does he mean clean up after yourself and put your things in the trash/help wash up – that kind of thing?

 

Because doing his laundry and cleaning the bathrooms of HIS place is ridiculous BUT cleaning up after yourself/helping with the dishes is totally reasonable. And if you were staying over at his, refusing to do the dishes, not tidying up after yourself etc – then I could see why he may have reservations about wanting to live with you for the rest of his life because he’d be thinking he’d have to ‘put up with that’ forever.

 

 

 

We always say “marriage won’t change a person or your relationship!” and maybe, if you both want to move forward together, you should ‘practice’ married life to see if you would actually be compatible.

 

ETA: WOAH! You’ve not even known him not even A YEAR and you’re both making comments about how you won’t do things until you’re husband and wife?! This is… not normal. If you’re both behaving like this so early on in your relationship then I don’t think it’s the right one for you. Please don’t settle because you’re 34 and think you’ve ‘run out of time to find the right guy’.

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